[You know, man of many talents and all that. She lets him lead her back to the table, though, seating herself comfortably back in her spot with another little laugh.]
You really do always surprise me, Dazai-san.
[She toys with the end of one of her braids before slipping her barrettes back in so she doesn't lose them.]
(listen, the more incompetent he is, the less work!! it always works as a charm. he does, however, want to smoke, it's been a little while, so he's opening a drawer for chuuya's cigarettes and sitting on the windowsill, stretching his long legs on the opposite frame.)
I think they designed safety scissors with people like you in mind.
[Lightly. She rests her chin in her hand and watches him perch in the window. She's pretty sure she can trust him not to do anything so stupid as fall out of it, at least in front of her. She doesn't even blink at the cigarettes; Mutatsu smoked cigars around her, after all.]
It's not work! It's kind of relaxing, actually. Once you know how, you can kind of just turn your brain off and go through the motions. And at the end of it, you have something delicious to eat!
That's reading! Drinking alcohol! Eating! Going on a date with a beautiful woman! Why would I cook?
(when he literally can get that with zero effort whatsoever. all he has to do is drug a dish or two, or four, or five, and now he's not allowed to touch the kitchen, and he just waits and food appears! wonderful!)
[Bluntly, with her best smile. It's true! Look at Shinji! If he wasn't so... gestures... he'd probably be a hit with the girls at school. If he went to school.]
I think it would be really romantic if somebody made dinner for me as a date. Plus I'd already be at their house, probably, so...
(NOPE ACTUALLY NOT.......... BUT LIKE, FOR EVERYTHING ELSE? yes.)
Oh, I can't even have visitors like that. It's not even Chuuya, it's Nikol who's the problem. He could literally show up right out of thin air anywhere right here, at any time, and I sincerely don't want to go through that.
[Ah. Nightmare. She can't even imagine having someone materialize in the middle of that. It does give her pause for a second, mouth open as that horrible thought occurs, then she shudders.]
That's the... clown guy you told me about? [She's not afraid of clowns, but like, having one show up in the middle of something intimate? No, nope, no thank you.]
Yep, that's him. Not something you want with visitors! And I don't think he'd care much. Really, not the best place to choose. I like him, but I don't think most people would.
(naturally, considering how sane he is when he chooses insanity. it's a whole thing. don't ask. it's still a very bad idea to have someone sleep here, with chuuya, with nikol, and he didn't even mention fyodor yet, whose. well. dazai likes him. it's a whole thing.
[Like, sure, their rooms were being recorded and also everybody would know if two people went upstairs at the same time, but like, there were ways of being subtle. Or there would have been, if she'd needed them. Ah well.]
No, dorms are fine if you don't care. I live in a dorm back in Yokohama.
(a good chunk of the armed detective agency does, after all, and does it stop dazai in anything? absolutely fucking not. the stupid love letters show up there, even. what a time.)
I guess. If only you could meet the rest of the ADA.
(can't relate. someone's been mafia-schooled. sorry. no one cares there!!)
Again, why is that a problem...
(cannot understand!!
why not talk about the ada? it's fine. if they show up here, it's the same thought he had regarding odasaku. she'd greet them first thing if she saw anyone new.)
Mhm... Ok. My partner's name is Kunikida-kun. He's tall, blonde, and he lives his life through a schedule, every little thing is scheduled to the most minuscule detail, and he hates it when there are delays or things unplanned. Kunikida has 58 conditions for his future wife, all written and detailed in eight pages and 15 topics written on the section titled "Spouse" in his notebook, would you believe that? Ah, of course, I enjoy making him write facts and things in there that aren't true at all.
[She just shakes her head at him. It's high school drama, Dazai!! Sometime, she'll have to tell him about how dramatic Junpei had been when he'd discovered that some classmate had taken pictures of her in her gym uniform...]
Kunikida... [She's committing it to memory, but her brow furrows with doubt as she looks across at Dazai, trying to gauge how serious he's being.] You're making that last part up, aren't you? To make fun of him?
(he can't relate!! he never got to be a teenager. all his teenage memories were either in a hospital, or in the mafia, or with, god forbid, chuuya. ew. just absolutely dreary, blablabla, you know the drill here.)
I'm not. His watch uses specialized equipment to set itself to standard time every morning he wakes up, so the margin of error is always under one second. He's very easy to mess with!
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[You know, man of many talents and all that. She lets him lead her back to the table, though, seating herself comfortably back in her spot with another little laugh.]
You really do always surprise me, Dazai-san.
[She toys with the end of one of her braids before slipping her barrettes back in so she doesn't lose them.]
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(listen, the more incompetent he is, the less work!! it always works as a charm. he does, however, want to smoke, it's been a little while, so he's opening a drawer for chuuya's cigarettes and sitting on the windowsill, stretching his long legs on the opposite frame.)
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[Lightly. She rests her chin in her hand and watches him perch in the window. She's pretty sure she can trust him not to do anything so stupid as fall out of it, at least in front of her. She doesn't even blink at the cigarettes; Mutatsu smoked cigars around her, after all.]
So can you?
[Answer her question, bud!]
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I can't, I can't! Never tried!
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How do you know you can't if you've never tried?
[She toys with the end of one of her braids with her other hand, twirling it around her finger.]
What other hidden skills do you have? Other than hair-braiding.
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(not what she asked, dazai.)
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[Sighs at him! Sir please she is paying attention to your dodges now, if only so she can use them to make her own better.]
Do you want to cook? I could teach you, or I could ask Aragaki-senpai to teach you, if you want the expert.
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(m'aam, hello, he taught you this. enjoy learning! happy learning!)
Absolutely not!!! I don't like to work. Why do you want me to work!!
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It's not work! It's kind of relaxing, actually. Once you know how, you can kind of just turn your brain off and go through the motions. And at the end of it, you have something delicious to eat!
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(when he literally can get that with zero effort whatsoever. all he has to do is drug a dish or two, or four, or five, and now he's not allowed to touch the kitchen, and he just waits and food appears! wonderful!)
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[Bluntly, with her best smile. It's true! Look at Shinji! If he wasn't so... gestures... he'd probably be a hit with the girls at school. If he went to school.]
I think it would be really romantic if somebody made dinner for me as a date. Plus I'd already be at their house, probably, so...
[Wait no-]
It's just a good skill to have!
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(he was about to say something, but he really can't. really, really, can't. hoe life since forever, thanks, can't judge.)
My crime is 'womanizing', do you really think cooking's ever helped me?
(considering he refuses to. he can! he just prefers to make everyone think he just couldn't.)
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[She is adamant about this! Sorry buddy, she can't be convinced otherwise.
But she shrugs.]
Well, it's your decision, I guess...
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(dazai you've been gay since ever probably to her please)
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She frowns thoughtfully, though. She's starting to see a problem...]
So do you just, like, kick Chuuya out when women show up at your door, or...
[The beds, bud. The beds that are pushed together even though you hate each other oh-so-much.]
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Oh, I can't even have visitors like that. It's not even Chuuya, it's Nikol who's the problem. He could literally show up right out of thin air anywhere right here, at any time, and I sincerely don't want to go through that.
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That's the... clown guy you told me about? [She's not afraid of clowns, but like, having one show up in the middle of something intimate? No, nope, no thank you.]
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(naturally, considering how sane he is when he chooses insanity. it's a whole thing. don't ask. it's still a very bad idea to have someone sleep here, with chuuya, with nikol, and he didn't even mention fyodor yet, whose. well. dazai likes him. it's a whole thing.
hoe.)
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[Like, sure, their rooms were being recorded and also everybody would know if two people went upstairs at the same time, but like, there were ways of being subtle. Or there would have been, if she'd needed them. Ah well.]
You guys really are a unique bunch, huh?
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(a good chunk of the armed detective agency does, after all, and does it stop dazai in anything? absolutely fucking not. the stupid love letters show up there, even. what a time.)
I guess. If only you could meet the rest of the ADA.
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No, my team definitely would have given everybody looks if anything like that happened. And then they'd probably ask annoying questions...
[Also like, she's in high school! People talking would be a big deal!! Especially as their leader!!]
Tell me about them? The other members of the ADA.
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Again, why is that a problem...
(cannot understand!!
why not talk about the ada? it's fine. if they show up here, it's the same thought he had regarding odasaku. she'd greet them first thing if she saw anyone new.)
Mhm... Ok. My partner's name is Kunikida-kun. He's tall, blonde, and he lives his life through a schedule, every little thing is scheduled to the most minuscule detail, and he hates it when there are delays or things unplanned. Kunikida has 58 conditions for his future wife, all written and detailed in eight pages and 15 topics written on the section titled "Spouse" in his notebook, would you believe that? Ah, of course, I enjoy making him write facts and things in there that aren't true at all.
(poor. kunikida.)
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Kunikida... [She's committing it to memory, but her brow furrows with doubt as she looks across at Dazai, trying to gauge how serious he's being.] You're making that last part up, aren't you? To make fun of him?
[Otherwise... yikes. Really? Yikes.]
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I'm not. His watch uses specialized equipment to set itself to standard time every morning he wakes up, so the margin of error is always under one second. He's very easy to mess with!
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[But she's laughing because, well, she would do the same thing. Sometimes she and Dazai are the same bitch.]
And you said he's your partner? So you guys solve cases together?
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