(NOPE ACTUALLY NOT.......... BUT LIKE, FOR EVERYTHING ELSE? yes.)
Oh, I can't even have visitors like that. It's not even Chuuya, it's Nikol who's the problem. He could literally show up right out of thin air anywhere right here, at any time, and I sincerely don't want to go through that.
[Ah. Nightmare. She can't even imagine having someone materialize in the middle of that. It does give her pause for a second, mouth open as that horrible thought occurs, then she shudders.]
That's the... clown guy you told me about? [She's not afraid of clowns, but like, having one show up in the middle of something intimate? No, nope, no thank you.]
Yep, that's him. Not something you want with visitors! And I don't think he'd care much. Really, not the best place to choose. I like him, but I don't think most people would.
(naturally, considering how sane he is when he chooses insanity. it's a whole thing. don't ask. it's still a very bad idea to have someone sleep here, with chuuya, with nikol, and he didn't even mention fyodor yet, whose. well. dazai likes him. it's a whole thing.
[Like, sure, their rooms were being recorded and also everybody would know if two people went upstairs at the same time, but like, there were ways of being subtle. Or there would have been, if she'd needed them. Ah well.]
No, dorms are fine if you don't care. I live in a dorm back in Yokohama.
(a good chunk of the armed detective agency does, after all, and does it stop dazai in anything? absolutely fucking not. the stupid love letters show up there, even. what a time.)
I guess. If only you could meet the rest of the ADA.
(can't relate. someone's been mafia-schooled. sorry. no one cares there!!)
Again, why is that a problem...
(cannot understand!!
why not talk about the ada? it's fine. if they show up here, it's the same thought he had regarding odasaku. she'd greet them first thing if she saw anyone new.)
Mhm... Ok. My partner's name is Kunikida-kun. He's tall, blonde, and he lives his life through a schedule, every little thing is scheduled to the most minuscule detail, and he hates it when there are delays or things unplanned. Kunikida has 58 conditions for his future wife, all written and detailed in eight pages and 15 topics written on the section titled "Spouse" in his notebook, would you believe that? Ah, of course, I enjoy making him write facts and things in there that aren't true at all.
[She just shakes her head at him. It's high school drama, Dazai!! Sometime, she'll have to tell him about how dramatic Junpei had been when he'd discovered that some classmate had taken pictures of her in her gym uniform...]
Kunikida... [She's committing it to memory, but her brow furrows with doubt as she looks across at Dazai, trying to gauge how serious he's being.] You're making that last part up, aren't you? To make fun of him?
(he can't relate!! he never got to be a teenager. all his teenage memories were either in a hospital, or in the mafia, or with, god forbid, chuuya. ew. just absolutely dreary, blablabla, you know the drill here.)
I'm not. His watch uses specialized equipment to set itself to standard time every morning he wakes up, so the margin of error is always under one second. He's very easy to mess with!
I'm sure you'd do the same thing. It's irresistible. He's so reactive!
(does he have a type? sometimes. kunikida hot :( )
Correct. Although lately, most cases are--, well, a group effort. Let's see... Yosano-sensei, our doctor. Extremely talented, she is, and she knows it, too. Would never let anyone belittle her in any aspect, super strong, super sado woman. Wonderful, wonderful! Great role model, if it weren't for the sado part, but even then.
[Pointed look at Dazai. Lord knows he needs one of those.
She isn't too sure about the sado part, but sure, okay. One probably needs to be like that in the place Dazai comes from, considering everything. Ah, but wait-]
Do you mean a role model for me specifically, or just in general?
(she can't always help him, though. unlike all of ada, she can't heal him, and quite frankly, considering the fact she can only heal should someone be pretty much knocking on heaven's door, he isn't feeling it. he can't blame her for the sado streak, if she has to get people so close to it before she turns them back into full health.)
For literally every woman in the world. She'd cut a man for disrespecting her in a single second. I've seen it happen!
[Most of the people she knows drink their respect-women juice. Except President Tanaka but like, she's pretty sure he didn't really respect anybody. And that guy who'd taken the pictures of her, but Junpei had set him straight pretty quickly.]
[Hmm... hopefully she doesn't ever need to do anything like that. She doesn't think she can deliver that kind of threat convincingly, anyway, so she just shrugs.]
Well, I'm glad she can take care of herself. So that's two other members of the ADA. Who else works with you?
Mmmmh, there are two kiddos. Kenji, who's fourteen, a little shorter than you, even. He's from this tiny rural place, they don't even use money, so he's a little eccentric! Ah, but he's cute. He's unfortunately very oblivious to everything, like he's never stepped on concrete before.
(like, ask suspects if they did it, and if they say they didn't, he wholeheartedly believes it. he's much like the heart of the organization, with his undying optimism, cute freckles, and... superhuman absurd strength...)
[Places that don't use money?? Then again, Dazai does dress like he's from almost a hundred years ago, so it's possible that he's actually from the past. Somehow she's never thought to ask. He just seems so modern!]
Are you nice to him, at least? What is he, a middle schooler? Or a first year?
[Does... does Kenji at least get to go to school...]
There are, apparently, I didn't know it myself. Tiny little towns where literally there are more cows than people, no shoes, and apparently, if you mess with the locals, you simply get tied up and thrown off a cliff. Rural kids are hardcore these days?
(and there's something he actually doesn't know, because it never occurred him to ask? or because it was never told to the audience? who knows...
also, please, kotone, he has an iPhone????)
Of course I'm nice to him! He's cute! And he could kill me with his pinky toe! Painfully!
(KOTONE, PLEASE!!!)
The other kiddo is Kyoka, also fourteen. Had a bit of a time, she's mostly all adjusted. She's a good kid, though. My mentee and her are super glued together, like little siblings, except he's not little. It's... Cute.
(and she also is a mafia kid. haha. his other mentee was Not Great To Her. oops. that one is on dazai, probably.)
[More cows than people and no shoes? The cows bit sounds okay, but she isn't sure how she feels about walking around without shoes. That sounds like a really good way to get hurt feet, she thinks?
Anyway you got games on your phone, old man?]
I'm surprised by how young everybody is at your agency. I thought it would be all adults like you.
So... there are five people in the ADA? Kunikida-san, Yosano-san, Kenji-kun, and Kyoka-san, and you?
[She counts off on her fingers as if to make sure she's got them all right. He's talked about other people, but these are the only ones with the ADA that he's mentioned today. And then Chuuya is Port Mafia, and the other two are... something...
It kind of makes her head spin! But she's trying.]
We're a little more than that. We're small, less than twenty people. Atsushi-kun, Tanizaki-kun, Rampo-san, our President, and our clerks. The end.
(good thing he didn't mention which ones are ability users. he'd hate to bring that up without rampo showing off just how intelligent he is. while dazai's great at deductions and psychology, ah, rampo? rampo is a beast. he's never wrong, ever, and he gives his ability, 'ultra deduction', all the credit.
if. well. it were an ability. some of us touched him mid-case without him noticing, and well, nothing was undone there. he's just that fucking smart.)
[SEES had been ten at its biggest -- eleven if she counts Ikutsuki (she doesn't), and even that sometimes had felt like a lot of people to keep track of. Making sure everyone was rested and available to go to Tartarus, keeping track of everyone's schedules, checking in on them, making sure they were doing well... if it had been much bigger, she might have had trouble.]
Well... if any of them come here, you'll introduce me, right? I'll try to keep an eye out for the ones you described, but that's a lot for me to remember.
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She frowns thoughtfully, though. She's starting to see a problem...]
So do you just, like, kick Chuuya out when women show up at your door, or...
[The beds, bud. The beds that are pushed together even though you hate each other oh-so-much.]
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Oh, I can't even have visitors like that. It's not even Chuuya, it's Nikol who's the problem. He could literally show up right out of thin air anywhere right here, at any time, and I sincerely don't want to go through that.
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That's the... clown guy you told me about? [She's not afraid of clowns, but like, having one show up in the middle of something intimate? No, nope, no thank you.]
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(naturally, considering how sane he is when he chooses insanity. it's a whole thing. don't ask. it's still a very bad idea to have someone sleep here, with chuuya, with nikol, and he didn't even mention fyodor yet, whose. well. dazai likes him. it's a whole thing.
hoe.)
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[Like, sure, their rooms were being recorded and also everybody would know if two people went upstairs at the same time, but like, there were ways of being subtle. Or there would have been, if she'd needed them. Ah well.]
You guys really are a unique bunch, huh?
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(a good chunk of the armed detective agency does, after all, and does it stop dazai in anything? absolutely fucking not. the stupid love letters show up there, even. what a time.)
I guess. If only you could meet the rest of the ADA.
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No, my team definitely would have given everybody looks if anything like that happened. And then they'd probably ask annoying questions...
[Also like, she's in high school! People talking would be a big deal!! Especially as their leader!!]
Tell me about them? The other members of the ADA.
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Again, why is that a problem...
(cannot understand!!
why not talk about the ada? it's fine. if they show up here, it's the same thought he had regarding odasaku. she'd greet them first thing if she saw anyone new.)
Mhm... Ok. My partner's name is Kunikida-kun. He's tall, blonde, and he lives his life through a schedule, every little thing is scheduled to the most minuscule detail, and he hates it when there are delays or things unplanned. Kunikida has 58 conditions for his future wife, all written and detailed in eight pages and 15 topics written on the section titled "Spouse" in his notebook, would you believe that? Ah, of course, I enjoy making him write facts and things in there that aren't true at all.
(poor. kunikida.)
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Kunikida... [She's committing it to memory, but her brow furrows with doubt as she looks across at Dazai, trying to gauge how serious he's being.] You're making that last part up, aren't you? To make fun of him?
[Otherwise... yikes. Really? Yikes.]
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I'm not. His watch uses specialized equipment to set itself to standard time every morning he wakes up, so the margin of error is always under one second. He's very easy to mess with!
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[But she's laughing because, well, she would do the same thing. Sometimes she and Dazai are the same bitch.]
And you said he's your partner? So you guys solve cases together?
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(does he have a type? sometimes. kunikida hot :( )
Correct. Although lately, most cases are--, well, a group effort. Let's see... Yosano-sensei, our doctor. Extremely talented, she is, and she knows it, too. Would never let anyone belittle her in any aspect, super strong, super sado woman. Wonderful, wonderful! Great role model, if it weren't for the sado part, but even then.
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[Pointed look at Dazai. Lord knows he needs one of those.
She isn't too sure about the sado part, but sure, okay. One probably needs to be like that in the place Dazai comes from, considering everything. Ah, but wait-]
Do you mean a role model for me specifically, or just in general?
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For literally every woman in the world. She'd cut a man for disrespecting her in a single second. I've seen it happen!
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[Most of the people she knows drink their respect-women juice. Except President Tanaka but like, she's pretty sure he didn't really respect anybody. And that guy who'd taken the pictures of her, but Junpei had set him straight pretty quickly.]
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(the hand that doesn't have a cigarette does a cutting motion, as if they were scissors.)
Nothing about her gives the slight sense of joking, and she isn't. I'm sure it doesn't repeat itself after that.
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[Hmm... hopefully she doesn't ever need to do anything like that. She doesn't think she can deliver that kind of threat convincingly, anyway, so she just shrugs.]
Well, I'm glad she can take care of herself. So that's two other members of the ADA. Who else works with you?
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(like, ask suspects if they did it, and if they say they didn't, he wholeheartedly believes it. he's much like the heart of the organization, with his undying optimism, cute freckles, and... superhuman absurd strength...)
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[Places that don't use money?? Then again, Dazai does dress like he's from almost a hundred years ago, so it's possible that he's actually from the past. Somehow she's never thought to ask. He just seems so modern!]
Are you nice to him, at least? What is he, a middle schooler? Or a first year?
[Does... does Kenji at least get to go to school...]
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(and there's something he actually doesn't know, because it never occurred him to ask? or because it was never told to the audience? who knows...
also, please, kotone, he has an iPhone????)
Of course I'm nice to him! He's cute! And he could kill me with his pinky toe! Painfully!
(KOTONE, PLEASE!!!)
The other kiddo is Kyoka, also fourteen. Had a bit of a time, she's mostly all adjusted. She's a good kid, though. My mentee and her are super glued together, like little siblings, except he's not little. It's... Cute.
(and she also is a mafia kid. haha. his other mentee was Not Great To Her. oops. that one is on dazai, probably.)
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[More cows than people and no shoes? The cows bit sounds okay, but she isn't sure how she feels about walking around without shoes. That sounds like a really good way to get hurt feet, she thinks?
Anyway you got games on your phone, old man?]
I'm surprised by how young everybody is at your agency. I thought it would be all adults like you.
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and a fyodor. he had that one too.)
Under 18, only these two. I think I've been there for... Two years or so? It hasn't been that long.
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[She counts off on her fingers as if to make sure she's got them all right. He's talked about other people, but these are the only ones with the ADA that he's mentioned today. And then Chuuya is Port Mafia, and the other two are... something...
It kind of makes her head spin! But she's trying.]
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(good thing he didn't mention which ones are ability users. he'd hate to bring that up without rampo showing off just how intelligent he is. while dazai's great at deductions and psychology, ah, rampo? rampo is a beast. he's never wrong, ever, and he gives his ability, 'ultra deduction', all the credit.
if. well. it were an ability. some of us touched him mid-case without him noticing, and well, nothing was undone there. he's just that fucking smart.)
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[SEES had been ten at its biggest -- eleven if she counts Ikutsuki (she doesn't), and even that sometimes had felt like a lot of people to keep track of. Making sure everyone was rested and available to go to Tartarus, keeping track of everyone's schedules, checking in on them, making sure they were doing well... if it had been much bigger, she might have had trouble.]
Well... if any of them come here, you'll introduce me, right? I'll try to keep an eye out for the ones you described, but that's a lot for me to remember.
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