It's not work! It's kind of relaxing, actually. Once you know how, you can kind of just turn your brain off and go through the motions. And at the end of it, you have something delicious to eat!
That's reading! Drinking alcohol! Eating! Going on a date with a beautiful woman! Why would I cook?
(when he literally can get that with zero effort whatsoever. all he has to do is drug a dish or two, or four, or five, and now he's not allowed to touch the kitchen, and he just waits and food appears! wonderful!)
[Bluntly, with her best smile. It's true! Look at Shinji! If he wasn't so... gestures... he'd probably be a hit with the girls at school. If he went to school.]
I think it would be really romantic if somebody made dinner for me as a date. Plus I'd already be at their house, probably, so...
(NOPE ACTUALLY NOT.......... BUT LIKE, FOR EVERYTHING ELSE? yes.)
Oh, I can't even have visitors like that. It's not even Chuuya, it's Nikol who's the problem. He could literally show up right out of thin air anywhere right here, at any time, and I sincerely don't want to go through that.
[Ah. Nightmare. She can't even imagine having someone materialize in the middle of that. It does give her pause for a second, mouth open as that horrible thought occurs, then she shudders.]
That's the... clown guy you told me about? [She's not afraid of clowns, but like, having one show up in the middle of something intimate? No, nope, no thank you.]
Yep, that's him. Not something you want with visitors! And I don't think he'd care much. Really, not the best place to choose. I like him, but I don't think most people would.
(naturally, considering how sane he is when he chooses insanity. it's a whole thing. don't ask. it's still a very bad idea to have someone sleep here, with chuuya, with nikol, and he didn't even mention fyodor yet, whose. well. dazai likes him. it's a whole thing.
[Like, sure, their rooms were being recorded and also everybody would know if two people went upstairs at the same time, but like, there were ways of being subtle. Or there would have been, if she'd needed them. Ah well.]
No, dorms are fine if you don't care. I live in a dorm back in Yokohama.
(a good chunk of the armed detective agency does, after all, and does it stop dazai in anything? absolutely fucking not. the stupid love letters show up there, even. what a time.)
I guess. If only you could meet the rest of the ADA.
(can't relate. someone's been mafia-schooled. sorry. no one cares there!!)
Again, why is that a problem...
(cannot understand!!
why not talk about the ada? it's fine. if they show up here, it's the same thought he had regarding odasaku. she'd greet them first thing if she saw anyone new.)
Mhm... Ok. My partner's name is Kunikida-kun. He's tall, blonde, and he lives his life through a schedule, every little thing is scheduled to the most minuscule detail, and he hates it when there are delays or things unplanned. Kunikida has 58 conditions for his future wife, all written and detailed in eight pages and 15 topics written on the section titled "Spouse" in his notebook, would you believe that? Ah, of course, I enjoy making him write facts and things in there that aren't true at all.
[She just shakes her head at him. It's high school drama, Dazai!! Sometime, she'll have to tell him about how dramatic Junpei had been when he'd discovered that some classmate had taken pictures of her in her gym uniform...]
Kunikida... [She's committing it to memory, but her brow furrows with doubt as she looks across at Dazai, trying to gauge how serious he's being.] You're making that last part up, aren't you? To make fun of him?
(he can't relate!! he never got to be a teenager. all his teenage memories were either in a hospital, or in the mafia, or with, god forbid, chuuya. ew. just absolutely dreary, blablabla, you know the drill here.)
I'm not. His watch uses specialized equipment to set itself to standard time every morning he wakes up, so the margin of error is always under one second. He's very easy to mess with!
I'm sure you'd do the same thing. It's irresistible. He's so reactive!
(does he have a type? sometimes. kunikida hot :( )
Correct. Although lately, most cases are--, well, a group effort. Let's see... Yosano-sensei, our doctor. Extremely talented, she is, and she knows it, too. Would never let anyone belittle her in any aspect, super strong, super sado woman. Wonderful, wonderful! Great role model, if it weren't for the sado part, but even then.
[Pointed look at Dazai. Lord knows he needs one of those.
She isn't too sure about the sado part, but sure, okay. One probably needs to be like that in the place Dazai comes from, considering everything. Ah, but wait-]
Do you mean a role model for me specifically, or just in general?
(she can't always help him, though. unlike all of ada, she can't heal him, and quite frankly, considering the fact she can only heal should someone be pretty much knocking on heaven's door, he isn't feeling it. he can't blame her for the sado streak, if she has to get people so close to it before she turns them back into full health.)
For literally every woman in the world. She'd cut a man for disrespecting her in a single second. I've seen it happen!
[Most of the people she knows drink their respect-women juice. Except President Tanaka but like, she's pretty sure he didn't really respect anybody. And that guy who'd taken the pictures of her, but Junpei had set him straight pretty quickly.]
[Hmm... hopefully she doesn't ever need to do anything like that. She doesn't think she can deliver that kind of threat convincingly, anyway, so she just shrugs.]
Well, I'm glad she can take care of herself. So that's two other members of the ADA. Who else works with you?
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[Sighs at him! Sir please she is paying attention to your dodges now, if only so she can use them to make her own better.]
Do you want to cook? I could teach you, or I could ask Aragaki-senpai to teach you, if you want the expert.
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(m'aam, hello, he taught you this. enjoy learning! happy learning!)
Absolutely not!!! I don't like to work. Why do you want me to work!!
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It's not work! It's kind of relaxing, actually. Once you know how, you can kind of just turn your brain off and go through the motions. And at the end of it, you have something delicious to eat!
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(when he literally can get that with zero effort whatsoever. all he has to do is drug a dish or two, or four, or five, and now he's not allowed to touch the kitchen, and he just waits and food appears! wonderful!)
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[Bluntly, with her best smile. It's true! Look at Shinji! If he wasn't so... gestures... he'd probably be a hit with the girls at school. If he went to school.]
I think it would be really romantic if somebody made dinner for me as a date. Plus I'd already be at their house, probably, so...
[Wait no-]
It's just a good skill to have!
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(he was about to say something, but he really can't. really, really, can't. hoe life since forever, thanks, can't judge.)
My crime is 'womanizing', do you really think cooking's ever helped me?
(considering he refuses to. he can! he just prefers to make everyone think he just couldn't.)
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[She is adamant about this! Sorry buddy, she can't be convinced otherwise.
But she shrugs.]
Well, it's your decision, I guess...
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(dazai you've been gay since ever probably to her please)
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She frowns thoughtfully, though. She's starting to see a problem...]
So do you just, like, kick Chuuya out when women show up at your door, or...
[The beds, bud. The beds that are pushed together even though you hate each other oh-so-much.]
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Oh, I can't even have visitors like that. It's not even Chuuya, it's Nikol who's the problem. He could literally show up right out of thin air anywhere right here, at any time, and I sincerely don't want to go through that.
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That's the... clown guy you told me about? [She's not afraid of clowns, but like, having one show up in the middle of something intimate? No, nope, no thank you.]
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(naturally, considering how sane he is when he chooses insanity. it's a whole thing. don't ask. it's still a very bad idea to have someone sleep here, with chuuya, with nikol, and he didn't even mention fyodor yet, whose. well. dazai likes him. it's a whole thing.
hoe.)
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[Like, sure, their rooms were being recorded and also everybody would know if two people went upstairs at the same time, but like, there were ways of being subtle. Or there would have been, if she'd needed them. Ah well.]
You guys really are a unique bunch, huh?
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(a good chunk of the armed detective agency does, after all, and does it stop dazai in anything? absolutely fucking not. the stupid love letters show up there, even. what a time.)
I guess. If only you could meet the rest of the ADA.
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No, my team definitely would have given everybody looks if anything like that happened. And then they'd probably ask annoying questions...
[Also like, she's in high school! People talking would be a big deal!! Especially as their leader!!]
Tell me about them? The other members of the ADA.
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Again, why is that a problem...
(cannot understand!!
why not talk about the ada? it's fine. if they show up here, it's the same thought he had regarding odasaku. she'd greet them first thing if she saw anyone new.)
Mhm... Ok. My partner's name is Kunikida-kun. He's tall, blonde, and he lives his life through a schedule, every little thing is scheduled to the most minuscule detail, and he hates it when there are delays or things unplanned. Kunikida has 58 conditions for his future wife, all written and detailed in eight pages and 15 topics written on the section titled "Spouse" in his notebook, would you believe that? Ah, of course, I enjoy making him write facts and things in there that aren't true at all.
(poor. kunikida.)
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Kunikida... [She's committing it to memory, but her brow furrows with doubt as she looks across at Dazai, trying to gauge how serious he's being.] You're making that last part up, aren't you? To make fun of him?
[Otherwise... yikes. Really? Yikes.]
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I'm not. His watch uses specialized equipment to set itself to standard time every morning he wakes up, so the margin of error is always under one second. He's very easy to mess with!
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[But she's laughing because, well, she would do the same thing. Sometimes she and Dazai are the same bitch.]
And you said he's your partner? So you guys solve cases together?
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(does he have a type? sometimes. kunikida hot :( )
Correct. Although lately, most cases are--, well, a group effort. Let's see... Yosano-sensei, our doctor. Extremely talented, she is, and she knows it, too. Would never let anyone belittle her in any aspect, super strong, super sado woman. Wonderful, wonderful! Great role model, if it weren't for the sado part, but even then.
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[Pointed look at Dazai. Lord knows he needs one of those.
She isn't too sure about the sado part, but sure, okay. One probably needs to be like that in the place Dazai comes from, considering everything. Ah, but wait-]
Do you mean a role model for me specifically, or just in general?
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For literally every woman in the world. She'd cut a man for disrespecting her in a single second. I've seen it happen!
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[Most of the people she knows drink their respect-women juice. Except President Tanaka but like, she's pretty sure he didn't really respect anybody. And that guy who'd taken the pictures of her, but Junpei had set him straight pretty quickly.]
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(the hand that doesn't have a cigarette does a cutting motion, as if they were scissors.)
Nothing about her gives the slight sense of joking, and she isn't. I'm sure it doesn't repeat itself after that.
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[Hmm... hopefully she doesn't ever need to do anything like that. She doesn't think she can deliver that kind of threat convincingly, anyway, so she just shrugs.]
Well, I'm glad she can take care of herself. So that's two other members of the ADA. Who else works with you?
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