expiation inbox

[orphne]

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☆ code by kimmiserate ☆

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[nullificates]

trust me it's in my plans. ugh

men always suck it doesn't matter the reason

[orphne]

Uh-huh.

Hey Dazai-san, why do boys not like to talk about things that are bothering them?

[nullificates]

there are many explanations for that. perhaps because vulnerability is scary, or because they think they can handle everything on their own, and asking for help is unimaginable. perhaps because being seen is horrifying, and telling someone else something bothers them is looking right into that. perhaps they're scared of intimacy!

or, like i was saying, men suck.

[orphne]

If men suck, how do you help them?

[nullificates]

it helps me help you if i know what you're talking about. something happened and you're upset and trying to get answers without giving me details.

i know you way too much, koto-chan.

[orphne]

Maybe it's you I'm talking about!

[tbf it's 90% shinji and 10% dazai]

[nullificates]

sure.

you help me by existing. next?

[orphne]

[sigh!]

I can't give you a lot of details. It's not my story to tell.

But I told someone something maybe I shouldn't have, and I think he's caught up in his own head and doesn't know how to process it.

[nullificates]

(he knows exactly. shinji, because she hasn't put him on the list. she asked him if she should tell someone the truth about something. so, she did, and now shinji's mad at her, and won't talk to her if she's asking why boys don't talk, huh? oh, the simple math. he's so glad he's drunk as fuck.)

when you were processing when i made you upset, we had time and space to work it out, didn't we? perhaps it's simply part of his process of dealing with things.

[orphne]

[He's not as right as he thinks he is! But the main idea is close enough.]

Mmm.

[The text can't quite carry her broken little noise, but it's the closest it can get. And yeah, okay, they both know it's about Shinji, fine!]

I just don't want him to think he has to do stuff all alone.

[nullificates]

he might know that he doesn't have to and choose to anyway. that's his choice. what you can do is keep yourself as a support option, but whether he comes or not?

we just have to accept.

[orphne]

It's really hard, Dazai-san

[She might be crying. Who knows! It's a text message.]

[nullificates]

wanna come drink and get on my level and yell into a chasm?

(surprise, he's fucked up!)

[orphne]

Maybe.

Are there other people around?

[She doesn't really want to be perceived, especially because Ken is around.]

[nullificates]

oh, yes, because i simply take all my dates and crew to my hole in the mountain.

no, it's just me.

[orphne]

I guess I can't just get Chuuya to fly me all the way over there, huh?

[He's already over there?? That's so far away and she's so tired.]

Why are you in the hole in the mountain right now, Dazai-san?

[nullificates]

don't get chuuya, he's drunk and i really don't want to see his face right now i will vomit on sight!!!

i just needed a little moment, it's all!

[orphne]

Fine. Just save some for me, okay? I'm on my way.

[Time to go exist in Dazai's vicinity, then! Apparently that's how she helps him. Let her get her shoes...]

[nullificates]

(this time, it's much less depressive. it just looks like dazai's gone camping a little bit, his bottles, water, some snacks, a lamp, and he writes down biochemistry on the chasm wall, drinks a little, and goes back to his puzzle. drinks a little, starts another -- he told akira he'd really teach him molecular chemistry for mixology purposes, so he's here writing the first challenge as he refuses to think.)

[orphne]

[Thank God, honestly. She didn't know what to expect, considering the last time she and Chuuya found him in a hole in the mountains. She looks even more exhausted than usual around this time of night, the way she's moving her shoulder hinting at some kind of mostly-healed injury, but at least she looks relieved to see him up and moving around.]

...I'm not solving that.

[Wearily as she drops down near the snacks.]

[nullificates]

What kind of monster do you think I am? It's not for you. It's for Akira.

(SORT OF, he's also not that kind of monster. he's just trying to remember things he hasn't read in years, so he can teach them in practical means. akira has a gift, it'd be stupid not to support it, specially if it gives him access to akira much easier than if he wasn't that often around.)

[orphne]

As long as it's not my homework.

[Snacks... it's just crab. Why is it just crab. Honestly, she could laugh at the absurdity of it all as she takes one and just. Munch.]

Are you having fun?

[nullificates]

Your homework is being able to lie undetected by Fyodor.

(enjoy the challenge, it's a tough one that even dazai has issues with, but it certainly will teach her a better base.)

... It's whatever, this is easy. Go drink your alcoholic beverage and scream things into the darkness!

[orphne]

[She scrunches up her nose. That's so much harder!! Dazai!!!

But fine, she'll grab one of the Mystery Bottles(tm) and sniff it. Enjoy the cat-no-banana face she pulls at the smell, but drinks it anyway. Part of it is just to be companionable with him, part of it is that she'd really just like to stop thinking about everything for just a few hours.]

[nullificates]

Ah, just go super easy, okay? This is what gets me somewhere, so you have to pace.

(or, well, don't, he's not your real dad.

the knife he is using to carve out the theories on rock is thrown over his shoulder, a stretch upwards before he finds her lap to rest upon. why is it that the two of us are always miserable together?)