[She just stares at him for a long time, expression perfectly neutral. Not shocked, not dismayed, just like she's forgotten how, exactly, she's supposed to make expressions. It's shocking, hearing her attitude laid out so clearly from someone who is still practically a stranger, shocking enough that she doesn't really have a response. Asking how he knows that would mean confirming it, and she doesn't quite know if she fully agrees with it or not. Not strongly enough to reject it out of hand, but enough that she isn't totally sure.]
Someone once told me that everyone is waiting to die. Some just have longer to wait than others.
[Akinari had raged against his ill fortune for so long before coming to terms with it. Really, she shouldn't even be regretful for her own fate. It's just...
It would have been nice to see everyone for graduation. Like they'd promised. The smile that rises to her face is small and bittersweet.]
(he's as uplifted as ever as she processes what he had just said. it's fine -- most people don't react too well when he sticks a finger in a wound, but it hardly bothers him. he might have spent no more than a couple of hours in her company, but it was clear as day for someone like him.
perhaps she should have accepted the alcohol, which he sips idly as he waits for a thought back from her.)
Fortunately, or unfortunately so, to a certain degree. Some will close their eyes to it, and some, like me, yearn for it more than anything, and can't reach it no matter how much I try. Is it a blessing that you're here, buying time, or a curse that you're prolonging the inevitable? I'm not so sure.
[She just asks it, point-blank, because he doesn't seem to have a problem with frankness. Blessing, curse, she doesn't know. All she knows is that she'd come to terms with what she had to do for her friends, only to be stuck in-between whatever this is.
Nope, just apparently, really bad at suicide and facing people who just don't kill me good enough.
(hopefully that answers that question, doesn't it? frankness, to be fair, is something he lacks. he lies as one would change clothes, gaslights like no other, but when it comes to just how much he wants to be done, that one he's straightforward about.)
[Again, there's nothing judgmental in her stare. It's more like she's forgotten how to make expressions for a moment, just looking at him evenly. It's hard to reconcile, really; on one hand, she gets it. On the other, they all risked their lives so everyone would have a chance to live how they wanted. It's shocking in a way that she doesn't truly know how to respond.
Eventually, she finally decides,] Well... I'm glad I was able to meet you in the time we have together.
[And that, at least, is a genuine sentiment. She wouldn't call Dazai a friend, but he is interesting. She could probably learn a lot from him.]
(almost like two people who accepted their death long ago shaking hands. while she seemed to have frozen a little, he never quits the obnoxious, sanguine smile. a mask under a mask under a mask under a mask - then there's very little for dazai to go by. this is better, isn't it?)
Not to worry, since I'm very incompetent at it, seems like you'll be stuck with me for the duration of this weird dream!
[As if they'd struck some kind of agreement, her expression thaws into a smile more reflexive than anything else. She still doesn't quite know what to do with all of that, but it's in the open now, and she isn't going to tell him what to do. Again, she can't help but think about Akinari and how he'd said that the impacts they make on people are so important. Maybe that's what she can do while she's here.]
I have my theories. A dream isn't one of them, neither do I think this is an afterlife. Do you have any takes?
(the Book could be an answer, but also, it isn't any. the book is a simple concept - write a coherent narrative, and it becomes real, creates countless universes behind them as good measure, but that means someone would have to have written this, with all these people, to the last detail.
I don't know! [Another frank admission as she finally picks up her forgotten coffee cup and takes a thoughtful sip. Again, there's no Velvet Room that she's aware of, but that doesn't mean Igor isn't around somewhere with Theo or one of his siblings guiding someone else through their journey.
Her lips thin a little with a pang of something that might be jealousy. Hopefully it's one of Theo's siblings, not Theo! She's his guest!]
Could be a test from some god or other powerful being, [she continues, starting to gently spin the coffee cup again.] What are your theories? So far, you only told me what they aren't.
Gods often don't work like that where I come from.
(see, chuuya? little, tiny, angry chuuya? surprise, has one inside of him, it's fine, this is fine. understandably, considering the meshing of different realities, he isn't putting that as impossible in his list of probabilities.
often times, however, expressions come from thoughts, and thoughts come out of mouths. wonderfully connected, aren't they? her next words are not solely wondering.)
I'm a detective, correct? I simply cannot say for sure what I haven't gotten enough evidence to support. I will say that yours feels likely.
[Well, that makes sense. Even with all the weird powers Dazai described, none of them seemed to fit the description of a Persona-user. Of course, that could just mean that Dazai's never encountered one. She does wonder what he'd say if he knew she had several gods inside her own heart at the moment. Odin, Helel, Surt...]
Detectives can't share theories?
[Yeah, no bud, she doesn't buy that for a second. She rests her chin in her free hand and tilts her head with an interested hum. Go on, spill!]
I just did, though! I don't think you are wrong. I just don't know what could have been, you can tell me yourself since it seems like you had experiences like it.
(she didn't have to tell him. not with the faces she made a second ago, but he shrugs. she can go ahead and spill, he'll spill a little bit, too.)
It's a really long story. Maybe I'll tell you later.
["Later," like she and Shinji had both been doing to each other to talk about their experiences. She spins her teacup again, moving on to add,] I guess it could be aliens, but I feel like there'd be way better people to abduct than us.
(it's not like he's being nosy or anything about things he has no right being, right? he'll drop it. it's not advantageous for her to see him in a poor, manipulative light.)
Ooooh, maybe, but why would the aliens punish us? Are they out of their own people? Do you have a bullshit crime, too?
Yeah. What's weird to me is that all the locals seem to think this is normal -- you just get sentenced by some higher power.
[Which, like, fuck that. She sits up straighter, a little more animated.]
That's kind of why I thought it was gods. When you read stories about them, it's always stupid stuff like "didn't worship well enough" or "crossed the wrong bridge," stuff that isn't a real crime.
[Like, going to the shrine and praying was nice every now and then, but seeing gods of every culture and religion materialize as human conceptions from a bunch of tarot cards kind of didn't make her inclined to worship.
The crime makes her laugh, though, a little surprised.]
(bring that up with chuuya. he's been out of the mafia for four years now, and women still look for chuuya to yell, complain, and search for dazai. four years. it's magic.)
Ok, to be fair -- it was Womanizing, which is a nicer way to call me a hoe, but alas! Isn't it rude?!
[He really is funny. She giggles a little longer before finally settling and bringing her coffee to her lips. Kotone still isn't totally sure how reliable he is, but he seems like a nice guy. He and Junpei would probably get along.
Ah, no. Don't get sad thinking about SEES team members. She tries her best to push it out of her mind as she smiles at Dazai.]
I guess I'll have to warn my friends about you, huh? [Teasing.]
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Someone once told me that everyone is waiting to die. Some just have longer to wait than others.
[Akinari had raged against his ill fortune for so long before coming to terms with it. Really, she shouldn't even be regretful for her own fate. It's just...
It would have been nice to see everyone for graduation. Like they'd promised. The smile that rises to her face is small and bittersweet.]
cw suicide talk
perhaps she should have accepted the alcohol, which he sips idly as he waits for a thought back from her.)
Fortunately, or unfortunately so, to a certain degree. Some will close their eyes to it, and some, like me, yearn for it more than anything, and can't reach it no matter how much I try. Is it a blessing that you're here, buying time, or a curse that you're prolonging the inevitable? I'm not so sure.
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[She just asks it, point-blank, because he doesn't seem to have a problem with frankness. Blessing, curse, she doesn't know. All she knows is that she'd come to terms with what she had to do for her friends, only to be stuck in-between whatever this is.
She's still tired.]
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(hopefully that answers that question, doesn't it? frankness, to be fair, is something he lacks. he lies as one would change clothes, gaslights like no other, but when it comes to just how much he wants to be done, that one he's straightforward about.)
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[Again, there's nothing judgmental in her stare. It's more like she's forgotten how to make expressions for a moment, just looking at him evenly. It's hard to reconcile, really; on one hand, she gets it. On the other, they all risked their lives so everyone would have a chance to live how they wanted. It's shocking in a way that she doesn't truly know how to respond.
Eventually, she finally decides,] Well... I'm glad I was able to meet you in the time we have together.
[And that, at least, is a genuine sentiment. She wouldn't call Dazai a friend, but he is interesting. She could probably learn a lot from him.]
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(almost like two people who accepted their death long ago shaking hands. while she seemed to have frozen a little, he never quits the obnoxious, sanguine smile. a mask under a mask under a mask under a mask - then there's very little for dazai to go by. this is better, isn't it?)
Not to worry, since I'm very incompetent at it, seems like you'll be stuck with me for the duration of this weird dream!
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[As if they'd struck some kind of agreement, her expression thaws into a smile more reflexive than anything else. She still doesn't quite know what to do with all of that, but it's in the open now, and she isn't going to tell him what to do. Again, she can't help but think about Akinari and how he'd said that the impacts they make on people are so important. Maybe that's what she can do while she's here.]
Is that really what you think it is, a dream?
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(the Book could be an answer, but also, it isn't any. the book is a simple concept - write a coherent narrative, and it becomes real, creates countless universes behind them as good measure, but that means someone would have to have written this, with all these people, to the last detail.
sounds unlikely.)
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Her lips thin a little with a pang of something that might be jealousy. Hopefully it's one of Theo's siblings, not Theo! She's his guest!]
Could be a test from some god or other powerful being, [she continues, starting to gently spin the coffee cup again.] What are your theories? So far, you only told me what they aren't.
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(see, chuuya? little, tiny, angry chuuya? surprise, has one inside of him, it's fine, this is fine. understandably, considering the meshing of different realities, he isn't putting that as impossible in his list of probabilities.
often times, however, expressions come from thoughts, and thoughts come out of mouths. wonderfully connected, aren't they? her next words are not solely wondering.)
I'm a detective, correct? I simply cannot say for sure what I haven't gotten enough evidence to support. I will say that yours feels likely.
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Detectives can't share theories?
[Yeah, no bud, she doesn't buy that for a second. She rests her chin in her free hand and tilts her head with an interested hum. Go on, spill!]
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(she didn't have to tell him. not with the faces she made a second ago, but he shrugs. she can go ahead and spill, he'll spill a little bit, too.)
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["Later," like she and Shinji had both been doing to each other to talk about their experiences. She spins her teacup again, moving on to add,] I guess it could be aliens, but I feel like there'd be way better people to abduct than us.
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(it's not like he's being nosy or anything about things he has no right being, right? he'll drop it. it's not advantageous for her to see him in a poor, manipulative light.)
Ooooh, maybe, but why would the aliens punish us? Are they out of their own people? Do you have a bullshit crime, too?
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[Which, like, fuck that. She sits up straighter, a little more animated.]
That's kind of why I thought it was gods. When you read stories about them, it's always stupid stuff like "didn't worship well enough" or "crossed the wrong bridge," stuff that isn't a real crime.
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(but guess who has a very religious russian terrorist!! dazai osamu, that's who.
but then he facepalms, when he remembers his own crime. she didn't give out hers, so, he'll be nice and give his own.)
The gods literally called me a hoe. That's my crime. I literally came in a prison uniform, and that's my crime? See, makes no sense.
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[Like, going to the shrine and praying was nice every now and then, but seeing gods of every culture and religion materialize as human conceptions from a bunch of tarot cards kind of didn't make her inclined to worship.
The crime makes her laugh, though, a little surprised.]
Well, are you?
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It could at least have bought me dinner first before coming at me like this!!!
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Maybe they were just afraid of you breaking their hearts! [She doesn't really see it, but sure, why not. Everybody is somebody's type, after all.]
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Ok, to be fair -- it was Womanizing, which is a nicer way to call me a hoe, but alas! Isn't it rude?!
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[She's still giggling a little.]
Maybe for you it was just a warning not to do the same thing here.
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(Hoe Behavior.)
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Out of habit, or just defiance?
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(ah, that's cute. he has zero interest in her, but she's so cute!!)
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Ah, no. Don't get sad thinking about SEES team members. She tries her best to push it out of her mind as she smiles at Dazai.]
I guess I'll have to warn my friends about you, huh? [Teasing.]
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cw suicide talk
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