[He really is funny. She giggles a little longer before finally settling and bringing her coffee to her lips. Kotone still isn't totally sure how reliable he is, but he seems like a nice guy. He and Junpei would probably get along.
Ah, no. Don't get sad thinking about SEES team members. She tries her best to push it out of her mind as she smiles at Dazai.]
I guess I'll have to warn my friends about you, huh? [Teasing.]
You're all probably too young for me, you're all safe!
(a hand wave, because he remembers there's alcohol on the table. he's somewhat reliable, extremely intelligent, but with the caveat of him doing things his way, when he wants, how he wants.
he used to be worse a person. back when he was somewhat younger than her, living by himself in a shipping container in a chemical graveyard, people weren't sure if they could look for dazai and if he'd cheer on the visit, fix a cup of tea, or if he'd simply rip off their limbs. saying he still isn't the worst, unwilling to show a coherent self, and manipulating situations to work the way he wants, or needs, for plans to succeed-- ah, lies. he still is like this, but his worstness can definitely be used for the 'good'.
[Really, she should count herself lucky that adult men seem to draw at least that line. She swirls her teacup around on its saucer a few more times, weighing whether or not she wants to confess her own "crime." She hasn't talked about it to anyone else, because it didn't seem important. It's not like she's even sure why she's being accused of it in the first place!]
Still, your crime doesn't seem serious enough to warrant being dragged all the way here. Wherever "here" really is.
(there's a chuckle out of him. his lips touch the cold glass, enjoying the mix of caffeine with the depressive alcohol, before he sighs at the taste. she's right, it's a bullshit crime, isn't it? he's done, been, is, worse than that.
[She snorts a laugh, a little surprised by how accepting he is of it, though the laughter dies a little too quickly at the next question. Well. It isn't like she'd pulled a trigger, it isn't like the Avatar they'd fought and killed had been Ryoji anymore, but...]
[Still a little caught up in her thoughts about whether or not letting Ryoji walk out the door on New Year's Eve had been murder or not, she only manages a little laugh in response, resting her chin in her hand and shaking her head.]
(oh, kotone, your silence and expression speaks volumes. he leaves it at that, in the air whether he was joking or not, although his tone is more on the playful side.)
If you have to think that hard, the answer is most likely not.
Even if there was such a thing, I did tell you about 'No Longer Human'. I'd be powerless by a simple matter of definition. I'd say it's a skill rather than a power. If you want to become better at hiding things from a keen eye, which I know you try, I can teach you, or you can just be honest with me sometimes. That works, too.
(a beat, another, and he sips, obnoxiously making that slurping noise.)
If you're willing to be forthcoming about the deity situation, you'd help me a great deal. I'm here with another person who is highly intelligent, and also very religious. It'd be something to debate.
You want to make me better at the so-called crime they're accusing me of?
[That's... kind of funny, really, even if she still doesn't quite know how to handle the idea of something as simple as maybe not answering questions in the most straightforward way being considered, "lying." She frowns at him even still, though, not entirely fond of the implication.]
Whether omission is a form of lying is a large debate of philosophers, you know.
(or it isn't. she might not be a liar, but he is. a bullshitter, through, and through, and through.)
I don't want anything. I can see right through you either way. Well, if you don't want my help, or to help me! I guess I'll just quietly drink my drink!
[Why does it feel like such a big deal to talk about what she went through? He won't believe her anyway. He'll think she's crazy, probably, or an idiot. If she had any of his respect, it would probably be lost whether she said anything or not. It also feels like a lot of it isn't her secret to tell, at least not without Mitsuru around to okay it.
But who knows if she'll ever get to see anyone from SEES again...? Her shoulders tighten with some of the stiffness that Shinji's called her out on before, the one that results from realizing that once again, it's all on her as the leader, a role she never wanted and didn't even ask for.]
If I tell you some things, do you promise to believe me?
(he just told her a lot to make it so that most things that are considered ludicrous are simply normal to him. gods, authors, powers. why wouldn't he believe her? but instead of pushing harder, he'll just pull out the chair next to him and pat it.
hell, he'll even slide her whatever drink she might want.)
I'll even answer a question, any question, very truthfully. Deal?
Because the Japan that I'm from doesn't have things like you talked about. It's just... normal.
[She still has her coffee, and while she doesn't get the point of moving from sitting across from him to sitting beside him, she does it anyway. It'll make it easier to avoid his eyes if she feels like she has to later on, anyway. She slides her cup closer to her and wraps her hands around it, taking a small breath before nodding. Deal.]
I thought it might be a test because about a year ago, I was given a contract to sign by... someone I later learned was part of the avatar of Death. He was trying to help me, though, I think, in his own way. It's what enabled me to meet two... I don't know if I can call them gods, but they exist in a realm outside of ours. They can manipulate something like tarot cards to summon things that are from the human collective unconscious and give me their power. Those two were supposed to help me on whatever my quest would be. A journey of self-discovery, I think, based on the arcana.
[She's choosing her words very carefully, not with the intent of lying by omission, but rather to try to make something stupidly complicated into something easy to explain. That, and something that only talks about her part, and none of the others'.]
What I'm getting at is that those two could fuse together and summon all kinds of creatures from myth and legend so I could use their power. Beasts, gods, heroes... [She taps the side of her head with two fingers in a gesture that almost, but not quite, looks like she's formed her hand into the shape of a gun for just a second before wrapping her fingers around her coffee cup again.] They became a part of me, temporarily.
(the face he makes is not one of disbelief, but rather, one that is buffering the information she's giving him. he's fought so many things up to this point, nothing sounds improbable, and knowing what he knows about the diversity of universes that are behind them, around them, made from them... he won't ever think this is unbelievable. rather, his brain works to put together information. carl jung. archetypes. lionel corbett. gods.
I told you it was supposed to be a journey, right? I reached the end of it. They were supposed to guide me on that journey, and because it was supposed to be over, they said their goodbyes.
[She shrugs, feigning a nonchalance she doesn't really feel. It all loops back around. She was supposed to be finished with all of this, all this self-discovery, all this exhaustion, all these otherworldly beings using her or guiding her or fighting her. That's all part of it, but more than anything else-]
I miss them. Well, one of them more than the other, really.
[Igor was weird and cryptic, but Theo... well. There will always be a special place in her heart for him.]
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[She's still giggling a little.]
Maybe for you it was just a warning not to do the same thing here.
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(Hoe Behavior.)
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Out of habit, or just defiance?
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(ah, that's cute. he has zero interest in her, but she's so cute!!)
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Ah, no. Don't get sad thinking about SEES team members. She tries her best to push it out of her mind as she smiles at Dazai.]
I guess I'll have to warn my friends about you, huh? [Teasing.]
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(a hand wave, because he remembers there's alcohol on the table. he's somewhat reliable, extremely intelligent, but with the caveat of him doing things his way, when he wants, how he wants.
he used to be worse a person. back when he was somewhat younger than her, living by himself in a shipping container in a chemical graveyard, people weren't sure if they could look for dazai and if he'd cheer on the visit, fix a cup of tea, or if he'd simply rip off their limbs. saying he still isn't the worst, unwilling to show a coherent self, and manipulating situations to work the way he wants, or needs, for plans to succeed-- ah, lies. he still is like this, but his worstness can definitely be used for the 'good'.
ah, well, whatever, alcohol!)
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[Really, she should count herself lucky that adult men seem to draw at least that line. She swirls her teacup around on its saucer a few more times, weighing whether or not she wants to confess her own "crime." She hasn't talked about it to anyone else, because it didn't seem important. It's not like she's even sure why she's being accused of it in the first place!]
Still, your crime doesn't seem serious enough to warrant being dragged all the way here. Wherever "here" really is.
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a smile doesn't transpire that, however.)
Maybe I'm lying to you!
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[She doesn't seem bothered by the prospect, resting her chin in her hand and smiling at him.]
That's my crime, after all. "Duplicity."
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Boring. Have you killed a man?
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Why, have you?
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(he sounds so sincere for a second. so, so, so honest, before he falls into laughter, waving a dismissive hand.)
Would you buy that?!
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Probably not.
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(oh, kotone, your silence and expression speaks volumes. he leaves it at that, in the air whether he was joking or not, although his tone is more on the playful side.)
If you have to think that hard, the answer is most likely not.
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It's not very nice to guess what people are thinking, Dazai-san.
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(he did, didn't he? he did???)
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[She props her chin in her hand and stares levelly at him, lips not quite curved into a frown, but certainly not a smile.]
Is one of your powers mind-reading?
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(a beat, another, and he sips, obnoxiously making that slurping noise.)
If you're willing to be forthcoming about the deity situation, you'd help me a great deal. I'm here with another person who is highly intelligent, and also very religious. It'd be something to debate.
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[That's... kind of funny, really, even if she still doesn't quite know how to handle the idea of something as simple as maybe not answering questions in the most straightforward way being considered, "lying." She frowns at him even still, though, not entirely fond of the implication.]
I'm not a liar, Dazai-san.
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(or it isn't. she might not be a liar, but he is. a bullshitter, through, and through, and through.)
I don't want anything. I can see right through you either way. Well, if you don't want my help, or to help me! I guess I'll just quietly drink my drink!
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[Why does it feel like such a big deal to talk about what she went through? He won't believe her anyway. He'll think she's crazy, probably, or an idiot. If she had any of his respect, it would probably be lost whether she said anything or not. It also feels like a lot of it isn't her secret to tell, at least not without Mitsuru around to okay it.
But who knows if she'll ever get to see anyone from SEES again...? Her shoulders tighten with some of the stiffness that Shinji's called her out on before, the one that results from realizing that once again, it's all on her as the leader, a role she never wanted and didn't even ask for.]
If I tell you some things, do you promise to believe me?
[Not enough to implicate the others. Just her.]
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(he just told her a lot to make it so that most things that are considered ludicrous are simply normal to him. gods, authors, powers. why wouldn't he believe her? but instead of pushing harder, he'll just pull out the chair next to him and pat it.
hell, he'll even slide her whatever drink she might want.)
I'll even answer a question, any question, very truthfully. Deal?
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[She still has her coffee, and while she doesn't get the point of moving from sitting across from him to sitting beside him, she does it anyway. It'll make it easier to avoid his eyes if she feels like she has to later on, anyway. She slides her cup closer to her and wraps her hands around it, taking a small breath before nodding. Deal.]
I thought it might be a test because about a year ago, I was given a contract to sign by... someone I later learned was part of the avatar of Death. He was trying to help me, though, I think, in his own way. It's what enabled me to meet two... I don't know if I can call them gods, but they exist in a realm outside of ours. They can manipulate something like tarot cards to summon things that are from the human collective unconscious and give me their power. Those two were supposed to help me on whatever my quest would be. A journey of self-discovery, I think, based on the arcana.
[She's choosing her words very carefully, not with the intent of lying by omission, but rather to try to make something stupidly complicated into something easy to explain. That, and something that only talks about her part, and none of the others'.]
What I'm getting at is that those two could fuse together and summon all kinds of creatures from myth and legend so I could use their power. Beasts, gods, heroes... [She taps the side of her head with two fingers in a gesture that almost, but not quite, looks like she's formed her hand into the shape of a gun for just a second before wrapping her fingers around her coffee cup again.] They became a part of me, temporarily.
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interesting.)
I believe you. Why do you look so sad, though?
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[She shrugs, feigning a nonchalance she doesn't really feel. It all loops back around. She was supposed to be finished with all of this, all this self-discovery, all this exhaustion, all these otherworldly beings using her or guiding her or fighting her. That's all part of it, but more than anything else-]
I miss them. Well, one of them more than the other, really.
[Igor was weird and cryptic, but Theo... well. There will always be a special place in her heart for him.]
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cw suicide talk
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