orphne | expiation inbox

I tried to tell him that, I swear. He's-- he's fucked up, Kotone, that's how he does things.

Ow. [He nudges her chin away from the gash he's letting heal naturally and not having healers help with because he wants it to scar like a completely normal person, pouting slightly.] ...that. Sounds like Goro. I'll talk to him..., I'm sorry, he really... I don't think he understands how fucked up that is.

You don't have to. I yelled at him.

[It's way too much effort to try to wiggle her way up high enough to kiss him, so she just presses her lips to that spot on his chest before returning to where she'd been nudged and closing her eyes.]

It sucked, though.

[He just makes a vague grumbling sound again, folding one arm back in to card through her hair.]

...yeah. I don't like yelling at him, either. It's. It's not really his fault, not completely.

[She doesn't open her eyes, but does grumble a bit herself, gently pinching his side where she can reach.]

It's not yours, either. Don't start. I fought him, and I'll fight you too if I have to.

[She's joking, probably?? But also very serious, she will beat that into your head if she must.]

No, I know. I'm not... responsible for the shit he pulls, I just. [He sounds so tired, and it permeates his tone and his body.] He's so much sicker of himself than any of us could ever be, I can't give up on being there so somebody is in his corner.

We're still friends, I think.

[So there's that, at least. It doesn't feel like the social link is broken, but it's hard to tell without Theo there to guide her. It wasn't even how feral he was as a fighter, not really, but something Akira says resonates with Goro's actions. The way he'd been challenging her to kill him, the way he'd reacted when she's screamed at him.

It's not the same as Shinji, but it's not totally different, either.]

Does he want to change, though? 'Cause it really didn't feel like he wanted to do anything other than keep acting the way he was.

[His whole body twinges, and he swallows against the vague taste of bile on the back of his tongue.]

I don't really want to think about it, because there's a pretty good chance he's afraid to.

[She wrinkles her nose, but nods against his chest as she fights the urge to sigh again. Did Akira max Goro's social link? Surely he must have, if he received Metatron. But Goro sounds like someone who's stuck before their final realization. Maybe it's supposed to be Akira's job to help him past it.

Eventually, she asks softly,] Does he want to die?

[And yes, they're talking about Goro, but in a very indirect way, it's a question about Shinji.]

[His breath catches, and he goes tense under her. He takes short, shallow breaths for a moment until a sharp, ugly crackle of laughter bubbles up out of his throat, and he splays his hand over his face to hide it.]

He's mad it didn't stick the first time, so probably, yeah. [Please don't bring up that he's shaking under you, Kotone.]

[She tightens her grip around him when he starts shaking, shuffling just that little bit closer as if somehow that could make it better. Really, she should just shut up, huh? And not tell anyone about the stuff that's bothering her. Maybe she'll talk to Dazai, later, but this is clearly upsetting Akira.]

Sorry. We don't have to talk about him.

[Her chest aches, but she won't push it. It's clearly still a raw wound.]

[He huffs out an ugly rush of air and shakes his head.]

No, he's a pain in my ass but now he's being a pain in your ass, too, so we should talk about it. [Seethe.] I'm just. He makes me mad and stupid. Stupider. [His hand tangles in her hair again.]

[...You know what, maybe Dazai is onto something. Gently, she butts her head against his hand in an almost catlike gesture. Petting Dazai's hair can help calm her down sometimes, so maybe it'll be the same for Akira? If nothing else, it'll mean it's her head getting pats for once.]

Tell me about him. [Neither a request nor an order, but a quiet invitation.]

[He sniffs roughly, aggravated, and pulls very gently on her hair.]

You, first. If you saw the healers why's this still got you in bed?

It's not 'cause of him. Not really.

[Like, sure, Goro was the catalyst, but-]

Did you talk to Aragaki-senpai at all last night?

[He shakes his head slowly.]

...not really, I waved to him a couple times.

[She's quiet for a long few seconds, trying to decide what she wants to say.]

We... talked about some stuff. I really upset him, I think. I know he's not mad at me, he drew this-- [from her pajamas' pocket, she pulls out a slightly-wrinkled sticky note that says thanks with a drawing of a little dog's head,] But it was... a lot.

[He looks at the sticky note and processes her words slowly.]

Why do you think he's upset, but you know he's not mad?

The note's cause I gave him some truffles, but he didn't want to hang out. I used to be able to just, you know, pull him into things... I'd hoped this would work like that, but he really didn't want to.

[Probably to anyone else, it just looked like normal resting Shinji face, but she could tell he didn't want to get involved. It had hurt a lot, knowing that by revealing that he wasn't dead, he felt... lost? Confused? Withdrawn? She doesn't know. Dazai had said to give him time, but it's hard.]

Anyway, I was upset about that, and Ken-kun's here now, too, and then all the stuff with Goro happened and-- I'm tired, Akira.

[He curls his arm around her shoulders and resumes petting her hair.]

Sometimes... People are just not in a good place to be around people they care about. I'm sure he'll come around. In the meantime-- you're allowed to rest, too.

[She grumbles, a little disgruntled noise that sounds suspiciously like,] not into the afternoon though [before sighing against his chest and clinging to the note loosely in her hand.]

I should've refused his stupid duel. It sounded like it was important to him, though...

[He chuckles, not unkindly, tipping his nose down into her hair.] Too late for that.

[A gusty sigh.] He's really got no idea how to... Do, most things, in a friendly way. Dueling you does mean he respects you, though. For as much sense as that makes.

He didn't have a lot of friends growing up, huh.

[It's phrased as a question to give him the chance to prove her wrong, but it's given the conviction of a statement. His attitude makes it almost painfully clear, after all. But she huffs another humorless laugh and presses her chin into his chest once more.]

Dunno if I want to be respected by him if that's what it gets me. [A wan attempt at a joke, but it's there nonetheless. Her smile fades, and she gazes up at him a little more comtemplatively.]

You said he was the Justice for you, right?

[His eyebrows crease together.] ...he doesn't talk about his childhood, but I don't think so, no.

[He's still frowning when she looks up, and he lets his expression loosen when she does, nodding.] Mmn.

Ken-kun's mine.

[She's visibly chewing on that as she gazes up at Akira, trying to figure out how to put what she's thinking into words.]

I wonder if they're similar, [she says finally with a sigh, turning her head to pillow it more comfortably atop him.] Vengeance and Justice aren't that far apart, huh?

[Maybe that's troubling, considering she'd already told Akira that she'd known Ken when he was ten, but, you know. Just Persona things.]

[He makes an immediate face at that, like he's swallowed a bug, and looks down to her.] I only met Ken last night, are you saying he's like Goro? Like, crazy murder-obsessive fights for fun, like Goro?

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