[She wrinkles her nose, but nods against his chest as she fights the urge to sigh again. Did Akira max Goro's social link? Surely he must have, if he received Metatron. But Goro sounds like someone who's stuck before their final realization. Maybe it's supposed to be Akira's job to help him past it.
Eventually, she asks softly,] Does he want to die?
[And yes, they're talking about Goro, but in a very indirect way, it's a question about Shinji.]
[His breath catches, and he goes tense under her. He takes short, shallow breaths for a moment until a sharp, ugly crackle of laughter bubbles up out of his throat, and he splays his hand over his face to hide it.]
He's mad it didn't stick the first time, so probably, yeah. [Please don't bring up that he's shaking under you, Kotone.]
[She tightens her grip around him when he starts shaking, shuffling just that little bit closer as if somehow that could make it better. Really, she should just shut up, huh? And not tell anyone about the stuff that's bothering her. Maybe she'll talk to Dazai, later, but this is clearly upsetting Akira.]
Sorry. We don't have to talk about him.
[Her chest aches, but she won't push it. It's clearly still a raw wound.]
[He huffs out an ugly rush of air and shakes his head.]
No, he's a pain in my ass but now he's being a pain in your ass, too, so we should talk about it. [Seethe.] I'm just. He makes me mad and stupid. Stupider. [His hand tangles in her hair again.]
[...You know what, maybe Dazai is onto something. Gently, she butts her head against his hand in an almost catlike gesture. Petting Dazai's hair can help calm her down sometimes, so maybe it'll be the same for Akira? If nothing else, it'll mean it's her head getting pats for once.]
Tell me about him. [Neither a request nor an order, but a quiet invitation.]
[She's quiet for a long few seconds, trying to decide what she wants to say.]
We... talked about some stuff. I really upset him, I think. I know he's not mad at me, he drew this-- [from her pajamas' pocket, she pulls out a slightly-wrinkled sticky note that says thanks with a drawing of a little dog's head,] But it was... a lot.
The note's cause I gave him some truffles, but he didn't want to hang out. I used to be able to just, you know, pull him into things... I'd hoped this would work like that, but he really didn't want to.
[Probably to anyone else, it just looked like normal resting Shinji face, but she could tell he didn't want to get involved. It had hurt a lot, knowing that by revealing that he wasn't dead, he felt... lost? Confused? Withdrawn? She doesn't know. Dazai had said to give him time, but it's hard.]
Anyway, I was upset about that, and Ken-kun's here now, too, and then all the stuff with Goro happened and-- I'm tired, Akira.
[He curls his arm around her shoulders and resumes petting her hair.]
Sometimes... People are just not in a good place to be around people they care about. I'm sure he'll come around. In the meantime-- you're allowed to rest, too.
[She grumbles, a little disgruntled noise that sounds suspiciously like,] not into the afternoon though [before sighing against his chest and clinging to the note loosely in her hand.]
I should've refused his stupid duel. It sounded like it was important to him, though...
[He chuckles, not unkindly, tipping his nose down into her hair.] Too late for that.
[A gusty sigh.] He's really got no idea how to... Do, most things, in a friendly way. Dueling you does mean he respects you, though. For as much sense as that makes.
[It's phrased as a question to give him the chance to prove her wrong, but it's given the conviction of a statement. His attitude makes it almost painfully clear, after all. But she huffs another humorless laugh and presses her chin into his chest once more.]
Dunno if I want to be respected by him if that's what it gets me. [A wan attempt at a joke, but it's there nonetheless. Her smile fades, and she gazes up at him a little more comtemplatively.]
[She's visibly chewing on that as she gazes up at Akira, trying to figure out how to put what she's thinking into words.]
I wonder if they're similar, [she says finally with a sigh, turning her head to pillow it more comfortably atop him.] Vengeance and Justice aren't that far apart, huh?
[Maybe that's troubling, considering she'd already told Akira that she'd known Ken when he was ten, but, you know. Just Persona things.]
[He makes an immediate face at that, like he's swallowed a bug, and looks down to her.] I only met Ken last night, are you saying he's like Goro? Like, crazy murder-obsessive fights for fun, like Goro?
[Definitely not! She makes a face of her own at the prospect, though... honestly, if Ken had gotten to Goro's age, would he have been...? No, no way. Ken's a good kid.]
But Ken-kun went through a lot when he was younger. Someone, [someone, deliberately not naming any names here,] killed his mom, so... he wanted revenge. It was more complicated than all that, please don't make me explain, but... I think he learned that wasn't the most important thing. You know? I wonder if Goro learned that lesson.
God, I was scared a second there. [His expression pinches at the mention of maternal loss, and he shakes his head.] Then..., yeah, they're actually very similar. I'm not..., Revenge was what was most important for Goro, but he lost his chance at it. So now he's just gotta... figure out what else to strive for.
[Yeah. She knows about that part, and her voice is soft and sad as she ventures that thought. Maybe she's wrong, but... Goro isn't her first social link. There are certain patterns she can follow, and his seems, if not broken, then incomplete in some way.]
He'll figure it out, [she adds, just as quietly.] He's stubborn like that.
[She shifts, wincing once again at the slight pressure it puts on her injured shoulder, and twines her fingers into his hair in an attempt to get him to look at her.]
He's here right now, isn't he? Even if there's nothing for him to go back to, he has the power to make his own decisions right now. Maybe you have to be the one to show him that it's worth it.
My whole team thought we were gonna die fighting Nyx. We all had to come to terms with our own inevitable deaths.
[Maybe this will just upset Akira more, but after what she'd gotten into with Akechi, after her potential misstep with Shinji, it feels all the more relevant to say.]
All of us decided... we had to live for the future. Even if we'd never see it, we had to make the most of the time we had. Maybe he just doesn't know there's a point to it for him yet. Living in the moment, I mean.
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Eventually, she asks softly,] Does he want to die?
[And yes, they're talking about Goro, but in a very indirect way, it's a question about Shinji.]
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He's mad it didn't stick the first time, so probably, yeah. [Please don't bring up that he's shaking under you, Kotone.]
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Sorry. We don't have to talk about him.
[Her chest aches, but she won't push it. It's clearly still a raw wound.]
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No, he's a pain in my ass but now he's being a pain in your ass, too, so we should talk about it. [Seethe.] I'm just. He makes me mad and stupid. Stupider. [His hand tangles in her hair again.]
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Tell me about him. [Neither a request nor an order, but a quiet invitation.]
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You, first. If you saw the healers why's this still got you in bed?
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[Like, sure, Goro was the catalyst, but-]
Did you talk to Aragaki-senpai at all last night?
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...not really, I waved to him a couple times.
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We... talked about some stuff. I really upset him, I think. I know he's not mad at me, he drew this-- [from her pajamas' pocket, she pulls out a slightly-wrinkled sticky note that says thanks with a drawing of a little dog's head,] But it was... a lot.
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Why do you think he's upset, but you know he's not mad?
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[Probably to anyone else, it just looked like normal resting Shinji face, but she could tell he didn't want to get involved. It had hurt a lot, knowing that by revealing that he wasn't dead, he felt... lost? Confused? Withdrawn? She doesn't know. Dazai had said to give him time, but it's hard.]
Anyway, I was upset about that, and Ken-kun's here now, too, and then all the stuff with Goro happened and-- I'm tired, Akira.
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Sometimes... People are just not in a good place to be around people they care about. I'm sure he'll come around. In the meantime-- you're allowed to rest, too.
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I should've refused his stupid duel. It sounded like it was important to him, though...
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[A gusty sigh.] He's really got no idea how to... Do, most things, in a friendly way. Dueling you does mean he respects you, though. For as much sense as that makes.
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[It's phrased as a question to give him the chance to prove her wrong, but it's given the conviction of a statement. His attitude makes it almost painfully clear, after all. But she huffs another humorless laugh and presses her chin into his chest once more.]
Dunno if I want to be respected by him if that's what it gets me. [A wan attempt at a joke, but it's there nonetheless. Her smile fades, and she gazes up at him a little more comtemplatively.]
You said he was the Justice for you, right?
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[He's still frowning when she looks up, and he lets his expression loosen when she does, nodding.] Mmn.
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[She's visibly chewing on that as she gazes up at Akira, trying to figure out how to put what she's thinking into words.]
I wonder if they're similar, [she says finally with a sigh, turning her head to pillow it more comfortably atop him.] Vengeance and Justice aren't that far apart, huh?
[Maybe that's troubling, considering she'd already told Akira that she'd known Ken when he was ten, but, you know. Just Persona things.]
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[Definitely not! She makes a face of her own at the prospect, though... honestly, if Ken had gotten to Goro's age, would he have been...? No, no way. Ken's a good kid.]
But Ken-kun went through a lot when he was younger. Someone, [someone, deliberately not naming any names here,] killed his mom, so... he wanted revenge. It was more complicated than all that, please don't make me explain, but... I think he learned that wasn't the most important thing. You know? I wonder if Goro learned that lesson.
[How was your Rank 10, buddy?]
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God, I was scared a second there. [His expression pinches at the mention of maternal loss, and he shakes his head.] Then..., yeah, they're actually very similar. I'm not..., Revenge was what was most important for Goro, but he lost his chance at it. So now he's just gotta... figure out what else to strive for.
[He's not talking about it, thanks.]
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[Yeah. She knows about that part, and her voice is soft and sad as she ventures that thought. Maybe she's wrong, but... Goro isn't her first social link. There are certain patterns she can follow, and his seems, if not broken, then incomplete in some way.]
He'll figure it out, [she adds, just as quietly.] He's stubborn like that.
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Can't figure anything out if he's dead.
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[She shifts, wincing once again at the slight pressure it puts on her injured shoulder, and twines her fingers into his hair in an attempt to get him to look at her.]
He's here right now, isn't he? Even if there's nothing for him to go back to, he has the power to make his own decisions right now. Maybe you have to be the one to show him that it's worth it.
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[Maybe this will just upset Akira more, but after what she'd gotten into with Akechi, after her potential misstep with Shinji, it feels all the more relevant to say.]
All of us decided... we had to live for the future. Even if we'd never see it, we had to make the most of the time we had. Maybe he just doesn't know there's a point to it for him yet. Living in the moment, I mean.
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