[She's quiet then, not because she's not listening, but because she's really trying to think about it from his perspective. His life does matter more than hers does -- that feels like a fact. Her fate has already been sealed, and she knows what it's like to die, so if anybody's got to die in any situation -- it should be her, shouldn't it?
But if Shinji said something like that, she'd get really angry. He could make the same argument, couldn't he? He probably would try. That's the thought, more than anything, that knits her brow in visible consternation and a little bit of muted anger.]
...Angry, [she says finally in answer to his question. Even if it had been a rhetorical question, she wants to answer it. A glance up, and her lip quirks into a little humorless smile.] I think... I'd be really angry.
[There's something akin to relief spreading in his chest when he hears her answer. Maybe... maybe they are getting somewhere, if Kotone can realize this. Looking down at her with that same serious expression, something almost seems to loosen in him as he pulls his hand back up to stroke her cheek with his thumb.]
...Yeah.
[...He probably can just leave it be now, but.]
It's how I felt, watching you. Angry. Almost helpless. I didn't know if you were going to snap out of that trance. [He probably won't ever forget the image of Kotone just standing there, so still despite the chaos surrounding her.] ...I was really scared.
[She closes her eyes, letting herself focus on the warmth of his thumb against her cheek, using it to ground herself in the moment. Is this how Shinji had felt, back in September? Is that why he was so brutal in battle, so willing to take hits and damage himself to inflict as much damage as possible?
...Maybe they're close enough that she can ask him, now. But maybe she doesn't have to.
Reaching up with both hands, she takes his hand in hers and pulls it to her lips, pressing them gently to his knuckles in search of that grounding realism. There's a part of her, not a small part, that wants to bite down, but she pushes it back.]
...I dunno know if I can change who I am, [she says finally, a quiet, honest admission as she opens her eyes to gaze up at him again.] But... I'll try. For you.
[He lets her take his hand within hers, accepting this intimate contact between them. There's a subtle dimming behind his glasses as Scott closes his eyes, just wanting to focus on this moment between them without his red vision distracting him. Maybe she needs this as much as he needs it. He'd like to think so. Not that she's shy, but he knows that she's a little more hesitant when it comes to these sort of touches.
Something that just isn't playful.]
I don't want you to change you are. [Because he loves her as she is, flaws and all. Which probably sounds confusing when he was just upset with her. Maybe he's not making complete sense, because he truly wants Kotone to stop rushing into danger, but...] I just want you to remember that as much as you don't want me or anyone else to be hurt, your friends-- I feel the same.
[His voice becomes soft.]
Kotone, I don't love you because you want to sacrifice yourself for everyone. Or that you actually did. I love you because of everything else.
[She's silent for a long time again, closing her own eyes and just replaying his words in her mind, over and over again, soaking in the meaning, turning them around and around as if it could somehow make her feel more... just feel more. Express herself the way Scott wants her to, while still being true to herself, whoever that is.
Under other circumstances, she might tease him, try to get him to list out all the things he loves about her -- and she knows he'd do it, too. It's part of why she doesn't have to ask.
Eventually, she just sighs against his knuckles, using both of her hands to draw his fingers out and press a gentle kiss to the pads of his fingertips.]
...I love you, too. [Just as softly as her earlier admission. She pulls his hand down, just enough to press it to her heart in the same kind of gesture she'd use to summon one of her Personas.] I'll... try to be better.
[She doesn't really know how yet, but maybe that's something they can both learn. Together.]
[Whatever comfort Kotone wants from him right now, Scott's more than happy to give her. His fingers easily unfold, mouth silently parting as she presses a kiss to them. It may surprise others to know that she's more easily embarrassed doing intimate stuff like this, but Scott's happy to just keep this between them. Kind of like knowing a part of her that's just a little more hidden.
He smiles when she returns his sentiment, letting his hand be guided to her heart. He'd like to think he can feel her heartbeat, as if proof that she's alive and with him right now. At least she's still warm, with her hand pressed against his. Just the two of them without anything else to worry about. It can't and won't last forever, but... he won't forget this.
While it's not a promise that she fully understands him, at least she's going to try. Guess that's the most he can ask for right now. His smile's still there, but there's some sadness in his expression even as he strokes her cheek once more.]
I'll be there for you. Every step. [Even if it hurts.]
[The little hint of a smile that rises to her lips is almost unconscious, a completely genuine little expression of fondness. Someday, Scott will leave her, and she'll have to cope with that -- or, worse, she'll leave him. But for now, they have each other. Even if sometimes that means him yelling at her like this.]
[If there's an emphasis on Scott saying that, she's totally imagining it. The rest of the walk home is easy in comparison though, as it seems that the mutant got everything that he wanted off his chest. No more being upset or yelling at her, although he doesn't push any particular conversation either. A more quiet walk, but hopefully a still comfortable one.
When they get back, Scott guides Kotone back to his room, still holding her hand in his. He looks a little serious again, but mostly worried, and he prods her-- with a certain expectation that she'll be honest with him. He thinks he's gotten pretty good at telling when she's holding back.]
How are you feeling? Did you want to take a nap? Or... is the curse hurting you?
[She's okay with the silence, with keeping her hand in his, twining their fingers together as they walk as if everything's normal. She can't help but start with a bit of surprise at his question, because for at least the past few minutes, she'd been buried deep in her own thoughts. It shows in the way she blinks up at him a few times as if processing the question, then shakes her head.]
Uh-uh. Just hungry, I think.
[Oh, they're home... they're in his room. She looks around again, as if re-familiarizing herself with the space, then glances back toward him with a wan little smile.] ...I'm gonna get some water, too.
[Because she can still taste the iron tang of blood in her mouth, though she knows it's not her own.]
Scott gives Kotone a brief smile that's somewhere between affectionate and worried, because normally it would be a little cute, but not when she's spacing out because of something related to the curse. Is she really going to be okay? He'll just have to monitor her closely. That's the best thing he can do right now. Maybe talk about the stuff that Seimei mentioned, especially if it'll help with the curse.
Discussing demons and everything...]
There should be a sandwich and some water in the fridge.
[He looks worried. Before she can stop herself, she reaches up and just gently stroke his cheek. She doesn't have to say she loves him, right? He can probably get it from that touch and the way she looks at him.]
Come with? [she doesn't want to be alone right now, and she'll wait for his acknowledgement before heading into the kitchen in search of the sandwich (thanks King) and water. The first thing she does is rinse her mouth out, spitting some of the water out instead of swallowing it, then taking a big bite of sandwich in an attempt to clear the remaining taste.]
What're you thinking about? [she prods gently (through her mouthful of sandwich).]
[He reaches up to cup the hand that's pressed against his cheek, stroking hers with his own. It's easy to just smile at her like this at least, reading her intent with a growing smile. No matter what they go through together or how upset he can be at her, Scott's feelings will never change. He'll love her, always, and he knows she feels the same. Honestly, it's kind of cool thinking that they've really been through some shit but still pull out of it together better than ever.
Like stupid couples back in his old high school never went through all this.
But he nods to her question before heading to the kitchen with her. When in doubt, there will always be a sandwich nearby. Nothing fancy, but maybe comforting right now. Scott's really not hungry himself, so he's just fine having her eat and drink, although one eyebrow arches when she spits out some of the water. Well, okay, you do you queen--]
Thinking about how much you're going to pout because I'm gonna prod you about stuff. [He halfway teases except no he's serious. This is to help!!]
[She doesn't quite laugh, but she does huff a little bit through her nose. She'll grab a plate out of the cabinet and take a seat at the closest table, making a bit of a face at him.]
I'd rather talk about you. We always talk about me.
[It's honestly kind of strange! She's talked more about herself with Scott than she has with... well, with anyone. As she's talking, though, she picks through the sandwich, pulling out whatever meat is inside it and eating that on its own without seeming to think about it.]
[He easily sits down next to her, still facing in her direction even as she directs the topic of conversation on him. That's really rude, wow!! Besides, he's not the one that's cursed and shit, although... guess Seimei mentioned that the both of them need to be honest. Talk about demons and crap.]
That's because you're way more interesting than me.
[He half jokes, because well, she's definitely done way more things in her life than him. She's fought Shadows, led SEES, dealt with the Dark Hour... meanwhile, he was just skipping class at his old school or grumbling his way through class. It's not like he's the Scott Summers from Quentin's world, who was probably a leader already by his age.
Some of that ease slips from Scott's expression, although he keeps on trying for a smile for a bit longer. Besides, he has to tease her, especially as he watches her pick only at the meat.]
Uhh, Kotone, have you forgotten how to eat a sandwich?
[She makes a face at him. No way! Scott's super interesting in like, his own super-normal way! Who else here is an expert on the ins and outs of a suburban American high school-
Besides, she can see when he's dodging a question, and it doesn't do anything to stop her from making another face at him. She sees what you're doing, Summers; it's the same thing she does with other people. Just smile and pretend something's not a bother.]
I only want this part.
[She pulls the rest of the meat out as if this is perfectly normal to do and passes the remains of the sandwich across to him, puffing out her cheek a little.] Tell me what you're thinking about.
And oh boy, she's making that face at him. Caught, huh? Guess he could never fool her, not that he fully wanted to in the first place. They promised months ago to tell each other everything and he still wants to keep that. It was important to him back then, but right now, it feels even more significant. They've been through a lot together and he learned so much about her that has felt important, the things she keeps behind the sunny smile she makes at everyone. It's hurt a lot, sometimes, but it has only made him want to stay by her side more. If he doesn't keep his end of the bargain, how can he expect her to do the same?
She just matters so much to him. Besides, he's... glad he has someone too that he can talk about this. His own fears. The anxiety that has blossomed in his chest when his parchment reflected a new crime, when Quentin basically confirmed that he did do something like that-- at least one version of him.
His hand rises up to press against the small frown, thumb swiping against the corner even as she eats just the meat part of the sandwich.] Thinking about how weird you are.
[Scott teases one last time, before his smile fades just slightly, although he keeps his hand cupped against her puffed up cheek. It's maybe for her, but also, for him, just wanting this closeness especially after everything that's happened. After all, it's just been a few hours since the whole incident with the organ stuff.] ...How do you feel about fate?
[She sticks her tongue out at him. Surely he sometimes just wants to eat one specific part of a sandwich? Just don't think about how only wanting to eat this part is kind of like that stolen memory of Dara's, of her eating someone-
This is about Scott, though, not her, and it doesn't stop her from taking another bite of her stolen lunchmeat as she waits for him to speak up. It's kind of weird to chew with his hand against her cheek, but it doesn't stop her, even as she nestles more comfortably against his hand.
The question makes her brows knit together, though, and she takes the time to chew and swallow as her eyes flit across his face.]
What do you mean? [Better to just ask him for clarification than try to guess! What brought this up, boyfriend?]
[A little strange, but he'll take the weirdness of everything to keep close with her. Besides, she was cute with that earlier pout, how could he resist? There's also just something kind of normal in the gesture, or at least simplistic, something that they both probably need after everything. What he needs before he goes into this.
Thinking about his other self who feels so far away and different, he just wants to be himself, and he feels most like himself when he's with her like this.]
...The crime on my parchment is different. [His voice takes on a slightly guilty tone, voice lower as he continues in that apologetic demeanor. It's not like he fully meant to keep this hidden from her for a couple of months now, but... things just kept happening and he didn't know how to talk about it either. His feelings about it is still a mess, a jumble of emotions that pull him in different directions.
The only person that knows-- knew about it was Quentin, but only because he figured it out on his own.]
I... I thought it was just something stupid the council or whoever made up.
[He's still dodging the question though, isn't he? Scott's still trying to talk himself into it, taking the long road before he gets into the real meat of it. Once he goes there, he can't take it back. Kotone deserves to know and it's not like he's afraid of her reaction, that she might reject him after all this, because he trusts her. It's just still hard.]
[Her eyes go wide, and she stops chewing for a moment. His crime is different...? Since when! He hadn't told her anything about that. Come to think of it, she hasn't actually looked at her own in a while, because like... what's the point? But Scott had, and it was changed...
She'd known some people's crimes had been changed, but nothing recently. Or at least, nothing important, as far as she knew. Her brows knit with concern as she gazes across at him, and- oh, right, her mouth is full. Okay, finish chewing, and then-]
What did it change to?
[It's a soft question without any real urgency behind it. When he wants to tell her, he can, and not a minute before. With his question about fate, though... is it something he hasn't done and is afraid he might do in the future? Or something else?]
[She's really so patient with him, huh? When did he get so lucky again? That Kotone is with him, like this, looking at him with such concern even though she's one that's cursed. ...Well, he knows that she prefers to worry about others, but that doesn't change anything. It still makes things at least a little easier for him to talk about.
She... she won't get mad, she won't leave him. His hands curl on top of his legs as he takes a breath and okay, he can't help but turn his expression slightly downward, cutting eye contact from her.]
I...
[I'm not a murderer. He's not. He wants to yell it out loud, but his chest constricts, because he's sure that the other Scott felt the same way.]
That I kill Professor Charles Xavier. [...] The... the same man that opened his home to be a school for mutants.
[The one that took him in after he unleashed his powers. The person that Jean regards as a father figure of sorts. He was still pretty upset about his optic blasts when he first met the Professor, but... he remembers him being kind, patient, even though he destroyed his favorite tree.]
[How dare they. There's a surge of white-hot anger that stabs through her, her eyes brightening with the force of her rage. She should go down to the Council and tear them apart for making Scott feel like this, rend each and every one of them limb from limb until-
No. Focus. Revenge later. Scott now. With more than a little difficulty, she pushes the foreign, violent thought back down and takes a deep breath.]
So now they're just giving out other people's crimes? I'll-
[Do something, she doesn't know. But Scott hasn't done this, she knows he can't have.]
[For once, Scott doesn't seem to be as aware of Kotone's own feelings, at least he doesn't catch the rage that's shining in her eyes. Mostly because he's still staring at his lap, but also because various thoughts and conflicting feelings continue to churn inside him. He... he doesn't want to hurt anyone, let alone kill anyone, and normally, it would be easy to just toss aside whatever nonsense the Council saddles them with.
But...
It is true. At least in some universe. And it might happen to him still. Kotone and Minato seem to share extremely similar events, at least the important ones, so it might be the same thing for him. How is he supposed to feel that? Accept it?]
It's true. [His voice comes out so quietly, so unlike himself, hands shaking on top of his lap.]
I mean, I haven't killed Professor Xavier... but Quentin mentioned that it does happen in his universe. T-that I end up killing him in the future. [And Quentin is a lot of things, but he wouldn't lie about something like that. In fact, he was trying to be supportive in his own way. It didn't fully help, because everything still sucks.
His voice cracks as he speaks.] I-I don't want to do it, Kotone.
[Well, maybe this Xavier guy deserved it, she doesn't say, because that's not what Scott needs to hear right now. If it's like the desert, where Scott was trying to defend himself, of course he'd fight back. He'd have to.
But Scott's voice cracks, and Kotone pushes herself out of her seat to wrap her arms tightly around him, pulling his head against her chest and digging her chin into his hair.]
You're not Quentin's Scott, though. [Where his voice shakes and cracks, Kotone's is firm, still carrying that undercurrent of an anger too virulent to be her own. Fate, huh...? Just because she herself had been bound to one, she'd still had a choice, in the end. Hopefully Scott will, too, even if it doesn't seem like much of one.] You can make your own choices. You're strong enough to do that.
[He isn't Quentin's Scott in a lot of ways, even from the little that he's heard about him. He's an amazing leader, a bunch of mutants respect him (even Quentin did), and yet... he still did something completely awful. If someone like that still made that choice to kill Xavier, how can he say he'll be much different? Especially if some cosmic space fire bird possesses him?
Maybe it isn't even a choice, but just something that happens. It's not a comfort. He doesn't want that.
Nonetheless, Scott keeps his face buried against her chest, eyes shut tight behind his shades in case they get bumped up. Last thing he wants right now is to accidentally blast his girlfriend in half, but he certainly doesn't want to pull away. In fact, his hands reaches up to wrap around her waist, seeking her comfort and strength right now. He may also be just a little emotional because of what happened with Dara's organs still... just that fear of losing her. He wants Kotone to be with him forever, even though it's not possible.
He allows himself the thought for now, because it's the only thing that keeps him even somewhat together right now. Kotone making feel like things might be okay, that he's still himself, although his mind can't help but wander back to the parchment.]
...But you and Minato share similar events, I know you two do. [He's not sure how he isn't crying right now, maybe it's that fear and anxiety that's pushing ahead. Emotions that he can't hide, especially as his grip tightens around her.]
Maybe I am a murderer, Kotone-- I have already killed people here. Maybe it'll just happen, that Phoenix will come down and possess me.
[She almost wants to lash out at Quentin for even telling Scott all of this. Distantly, there's a part of her that knows that all this anger has to belong to Dara, that it can't really all be hers, but it feels kind of good to be this angry about something. Even if there's realistically nothing she can do about it.
She squeezes Scott all the tighter and takes a deep breath, letting her fingers curl against him as if she could somehow protect him from his own guilt.]
When I lost control of Thanatos 'cause of that cult and almost killed you... you didn't hate me for it. [Kind of the opposite, considering how they are now. She presses her lips tightly together for a moment and exhales another breath before continuing,] If somebody -- Phoenix -- possesses you, that doesn't mean it's you, Scott. You know that, right?
[This is the first she's heard of "Phoenix" but trying to dig for details about that really isn't all that important, she's pretty sure. Scott's feelings are the most important thing.
Also she could use what had just happened a few hours ago with Dara's stomach as an example, but she doesn't exactly want to open that back up again.]
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[She's quiet then, not because she's not listening, but because she's really trying to think about it from his perspective. His life does matter more than hers does -- that feels like a fact. Her fate has already been sealed, and she knows what it's like to die, so if anybody's got to die in any situation -- it should be her, shouldn't it?
But if Shinji said something like that, she'd get really angry. He could make the same argument, couldn't he? He probably would try. That's the thought, more than anything, that knits her brow in visible consternation and a little bit of muted anger.]
...Angry, [she says finally in answer to his question. Even if it had been a rhetorical question, she wants to answer it. A glance up, and her lip quirks into a little humorless smile.] I think... I'd be really angry.
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...Yeah.
[...He probably can just leave it be now, but.]
It's how I felt, watching you. Angry. Almost helpless. I didn't know if you were going to snap out of that trance. [He probably won't ever forget the image of Kotone just standing there, so still despite the chaos surrounding her.] ...I was really scared.
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...Maybe they're close enough that she can ask him, now. But maybe she doesn't have to.
Reaching up with both hands, she takes his hand in hers and pulls it to her lips, pressing them gently to his knuckles in search of that grounding realism. There's a part of her, not a small part, that wants to bite down, but she pushes it back.]
...I dunno know if I can change who I am, [she says finally, a quiet, honest admission as she opens her eyes to gaze up at him again.] But... I'll try. For you.
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Something that just isn't playful.]
I don't want you to change you are. [Because he loves her as she is, flaws and all. Which probably sounds confusing when he was just upset with her. Maybe he's not making complete sense, because he truly wants Kotone to stop rushing into danger, but...] I just want you to remember that as much as you don't want me or anyone else to be hurt, your friends-- I feel the same.
[His voice becomes soft.]
Kotone, I don't love you because you want to sacrifice yourself for everyone. Or that you actually did. I love you because of everything else.
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Under other circumstances, she might tease him, try to get him to list out all the things he loves about her -- and she knows he'd do it, too. It's part of why she doesn't have to ask.
Eventually, she just sighs against his knuckles, using both of her hands to draw his fingers out and press a gentle kiss to the pads of his fingertips.]
...I love you, too. [Just as softly as her earlier admission. She pulls his hand down, just enough to press it to her heart in the same kind of gesture she'd use to summon one of her Personas.] I'll... try to be better.
[She doesn't really know how yet, but maybe that's something they can both learn. Together.]
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He smiles when she returns his sentiment, letting his hand be guided to her heart. He'd like to think he can feel her heartbeat, as if proof that she's alive and with him right now. At least she's still warm, with her hand pressed against his. Just the two of them without anything else to worry about. It can't and won't last forever, but... he won't forget this.
While it's not a promise that she fully understands him, at least she's going to try. Guess that's the most he can ask for right now. His smile's still there, but there's some sadness in his expression even as he strokes her cheek once more.]
I'll be there for you. Every step. [Even if it hurts.]
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[The little hint of a smile that rises to her lips is almost unconscious, a completely genuine little expression of fondness. Someday, Scott will leave her, and she'll have to cope with that -- or, worse, she'll leave him. But for now, they have each other. Even if sometimes that means him yelling at her like this.]
...Can we go back now?
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[If there's an emphasis on Scott saying that, she's totally imagining it. The rest of the walk home is easy in comparison though, as it seems that the mutant got everything that he wanted off his chest. No more being upset or yelling at her, although he doesn't push any particular conversation either. A more quiet walk, but hopefully a still comfortable one.
When they get back, Scott guides Kotone back to his room, still holding her hand in his. He looks a little serious again, but mostly worried, and he prods her-- with a certain expectation that she'll be honest with him. He thinks he's gotten pretty good at telling when she's holding back.]
How are you feeling? Did you want to take a nap? Or... is the curse hurting you?
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[She's okay with the silence, with keeping her hand in his, twining their fingers together as they walk as if everything's normal. She can't help but start with a bit of surprise at his question, because for at least the past few minutes, she'd been buried deep in her own thoughts. It shows in the way she blinks up at him a few times as if processing the question, then shakes her head.]
Uh-uh. Just hungry, I think.
[Oh, they're home... they're in his room. She looks around again, as if re-familiarizing herself with the space, then glances back toward him with a wan little smile.] ...I'm gonna get some water, too.
[Because she can still taste the iron tang of blood in her mouth, though she knows it's not her own.]
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Scott gives Kotone a brief smile that's somewhere between affectionate and worried, because normally it would be a little cute, but not when she's spacing out because of something related to the curse. Is she really going to be okay? He'll just have to monitor her closely. That's the best thing he can do right now. Maybe talk about the stuff that Seimei mentioned, especially if it'll help with the curse.
Discussing demons and everything...]
There should be a sandwich and some water in the fridge.
[But some food and water would be good for her.]
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Come with? [she doesn't want to be alone right now, and she'll wait for his acknowledgement before heading into the kitchen in search of the sandwich (thanks King) and water. The first thing she does is rinse her mouth out, spitting some of the water out instead of swallowing it, then taking a big bite of sandwich in an attempt to clear the remaining taste.]
What're you thinking about? [she prods gently (through her mouthful of sandwich).]
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Like stupid couples back in his old high school never went through all this.
But he nods to her question before heading to the kitchen with her. When in doubt, there will always be a sandwich nearby. Nothing fancy, but maybe comforting right now. Scott's really not hungry himself, so he's just fine having her eat and drink, although one eyebrow arches when she spits out some of the water. Well, okay, you do you queen--]
Thinking about how much you're going to pout because I'm gonna prod you about stuff. [He halfway teases except no he's serious. This is to help!!]
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I'd rather talk about you. We always talk about me.
[It's honestly kind of strange! She's talked more about herself with Scott than she has with... well, with anyone. As she's talking, though, she picks through the sandwich, pulling out whatever meat is inside it and eating that on its own without seeming to think about it.]
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That's because you're way more interesting than me.
[He half jokes, because well, she's definitely done way more things in her life than him. She's fought Shadows, led SEES, dealt with the Dark Hour... meanwhile, he was just skipping class at his old school or grumbling his way through class. It's not like he's the Scott Summers from Quentin's world, who was probably a leader already by his age.
Some of that ease slips from Scott's expression, although he keeps on trying for a smile for a bit longer. Besides, he has to tease her, especially as he watches her pick only at the meat.]
Uhh, Kotone, have you forgotten how to eat a sandwich?
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Besides, she can see when he's dodging a question, and it doesn't do anything to stop her from making another face at him. She sees what you're doing, Summers; it's the same thing she does with other people. Just smile and pretend something's not a bother.]
I only want this part.
[She pulls the rest of the meat out as if this is perfectly normal to do and passes the remains of the sandwich across to him, puffing out her cheek a little.] Tell me what you're thinking about.
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And oh boy, she's making that face at him. Caught, huh? Guess he could never fool her, not that he fully wanted to in the first place. They promised months ago to tell each other everything and he still wants to keep that. It was important to him back then, but right now, it feels even more significant. They've been through a lot together and he learned so much about her that has felt important, the things she keeps behind the sunny smile she makes at everyone. It's hurt a lot, sometimes, but it has only made him want to stay by her side more. If he doesn't keep his end of the bargain, how can he expect her to do the same?
She just matters so much to him. Besides, he's... glad he has someone too that he can talk about this. His own fears. The anxiety that has blossomed in his chest when his parchment reflected a new crime, when Quentin basically confirmed that he did do something like that-- at least one version of him.
His hand rises up to press against the small frown, thumb swiping against the corner even as she eats just the meat part of the sandwich.] Thinking about how weird you are.
[Scott teases one last time, before his smile fades just slightly, although he keeps his hand cupped against her puffed up cheek. It's maybe for her, but also, for him, just wanting this closeness especially after everything that's happened. After all, it's just been a few hours since the whole incident with the organ stuff.] ...How do you feel about fate?
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This is about Scott, though, not her, and it doesn't stop her from taking another bite of her stolen lunchmeat as she waits for him to speak up. It's kind of weird to chew with his hand against her cheek, but it doesn't stop her, even as she nestles more comfortably against his hand.
The question makes her brows knit together, though, and she takes the time to chew and swallow as her eyes flit across his face.]
What do you mean? [Better to just ask him for clarification than try to guess! What brought this up, boyfriend?]
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Thinking about his other self who feels so far away and different, he just wants to be himself, and he feels most like himself when he's with her like this.]
...The crime on my parchment is different. [His voice takes on a slightly guilty tone, voice lower as he continues in that apologetic demeanor. It's not like he fully meant to keep this hidden from her for a couple of months now, but... things just kept happening and he didn't know how to talk about it either. His feelings about it is still a mess, a jumble of emotions that pull him in different directions.
The only person that knows-- knew about it was Quentin, but only because he figured it out on his own.]
I... I thought it was just something stupid the council or whoever made up.
[He's still dodging the question though, isn't he? Scott's still trying to talk himself into it, taking the long road before he gets into the real meat of it. Once he goes there, he can't take it back. Kotone deserves to know and it's not like he's afraid of her reaction, that she might reject him after all this, because he trusts her. It's just still hard.]
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She'd known some people's crimes had been changed, but nothing recently. Or at least, nothing important, as far as she knew. Her brows knit with concern as she gazes across at him, and- oh, right, her mouth is full. Okay, finish chewing, and then-]
What did it change to?
[It's a soft question without any real urgency behind it. When he wants to tell her, he can, and not a minute before. With his question about fate, though... is it something he hasn't done and is afraid he might do in the future? Or something else?]
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She... she won't get mad, she won't leave him. His hands curl on top of his legs as he takes a breath and okay, he can't help but turn his expression slightly downward, cutting eye contact from her.]
I...
[I'm not a murderer. He's not. He wants to yell it out loud, but his chest constricts, because he's sure that the other Scott felt the same way.]
That I kill Professor Charles Xavier. [...] The... the same man that opened his home to be a school for mutants.
[The one that took him in after he unleashed his powers. The person that Jean regards as a father figure of sorts. He was still pretty upset about his optic blasts when he first met the Professor, but... he remembers him being kind, patient, even though he destroyed his favorite tree.]
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No. Focus. Revenge later. Scott now. With more than a little difficulty, she pushes the foreign, violent thought back down and takes a deep breath.]
So now they're just giving out other people's crimes? I'll-
[Do something, she doesn't know. But Scott hasn't done this, she knows he can't have.]
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But...
It is true. At least in some universe. And it might happen to him still. Kotone and Minato seem to share extremely similar events, at least the important ones, so it might be the same thing for him. How is he supposed to feel that? Accept it?]
It's true. [His voice comes out so quietly, so unlike himself, hands shaking on top of his lap.]
I mean, I haven't killed Professor Xavier... but Quentin mentioned that it does happen in his universe. T-that I end up killing him in the future. [And Quentin is a lot of things, but he wouldn't lie about something like that. In fact, he was trying to be supportive in his own way. It didn't fully help, because everything still sucks.
His voice cracks as he speaks.] I-I don't want to do it, Kotone.
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But Scott's voice cracks, and Kotone pushes herself out of her seat to wrap her arms tightly around him, pulling his head against her chest and digging her chin into his hair.]
You're not Quentin's Scott, though. [Where his voice shakes and cracks, Kotone's is firm, still carrying that undercurrent of an anger too virulent to be her own. Fate, huh...? Just because she herself had been bound to one, she'd still had a choice, in the end. Hopefully Scott will, too, even if it doesn't seem like much of one.] You can make your own choices. You're strong enough to do that.
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Maybe it isn't even a choice, but just something that happens. It's not a comfort. He doesn't want that.
Nonetheless, Scott keeps his face buried against her chest, eyes shut tight behind his shades in case they get bumped up. Last thing he wants right now is to accidentally blast his girlfriend in half, but he certainly doesn't want to pull away. In fact, his hands reaches up to wrap around her waist, seeking her comfort and strength right now. He may also be just a little emotional because of what happened with Dara's organs still... just that fear of losing her. He wants Kotone to be with him forever, even though it's not possible.
He allows himself the thought for now, because it's the only thing that keeps him even somewhat together right now. Kotone making feel like things might be okay, that he's still himself, although his mind can't help but wander back to the parchment.]
...But you and Minato share similar events, I know you two do. [He's not sure how he isn't crying right now, maybe it's that fear and anxiety that's pushing ahead. Emotions that he can't hide, especially as his grip tightens around her.]
Maybe I am a murderer, Kotone-- I have already killed people here. Maybe it'll just happen, that Phoenix will come down and possess me.
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She squeezes Scott all the tighter and takes a deep breath, letting her fingers curl against him as if she could somehow protect him from his own guilt.]
When I lost control of Thanatos 'cause of that cult and almost killed you... you didn't hate me for it. [Kind of the opposite, considering how they are now. She presses her lips tightly together for a moment and exhales another breath before continuing,] If somebody -- Phoenix -- possesses you, that doesn't mean it's you, Scott. You know that, right?
[This is the first she's heard of "Phoenix" but trying to dig for details about that really isn't all that important, she's pretty sure. Scott's feelings are the most important thing.
Also she could use what had just happened a few hours ago with Dara's stomach as an example, but she doesn't exactly want to open that back up again.]
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