I'm gonna set this dough to prove, then. Decide how you wanna cut it up for me, okay?
[It's just a classic cheese pizza, but she has a few other toppings prepped and ready to go for the next batch she puts in the oven. It looks like she was checking to see how a plain one would turn out before loading it with different things.]
And get something to drink out of the fridge! [Another order with a smile. There's iced tea, milk, water, and a few bottles of wine -- some for cooking, some very clearly the same kinds she usually has with Dazai and Chuuya. That wine is there for both of them, should they ever choose to come over. Like now!]
[Hey, can't go wrong with a classic. Chuuya's never met anyone who hates cheese pizza, after all.
He sets the pan down on the countertop, obediently rummaging in the fridge for something to drink.
He lets out a short chuckle at the sight of the wine bottles, tugging one out after a glance. Something light, just enough to enhance the taste of the pizza. He's not looking to get tipsy today.
Once that's done, he's rummaging for a knife or pizza cutter.] You up for slices or squares?
[He'll find a pizza cutter in a drawer with a few other tools and utensils -- it seems she took her responsibility seriously of making a functioning club space for anyone to use for cooking.
Breezing past him with her bowl, she rests it near the oven, covered with a towel, and grabs herself one of the mason jars of tea out of the fridge.]
[She sure did. Chuuya sets about cutting the pizza into neat slices, making a quiet noise of consideration to himself.]
Honestly? I like trying new flavors more than I have a favorite. But I grew up eating kombini food and canned food, so limited edition promotions were kind of a fun thing.
[Chuuya is that guy who eats the wildest limited time only pizza flavors just for fun.] That being said, a good cheese or Neapolitan pizza always hits the spot. What about you?
[They are kind of the same in some ways, aren't they? It's easy to forget that as she bumps his shoulder companionably before reaching past him on tip-toe to grab a pair of plates for them to use.]
Corn's pretty good! Or chicken. Sometimes I like to dip it in spicy mayo! You're right, though, the seasonal promos are the best. Especially if they're weird!
[So- typical stuff. Nothing too crazy or unexpected.]
Once that dough's done, let's make something for Dazai-san.
[She glances across at him at the mention of Dazai, trying to get a sense from his expression how they're doing. She loves them both dearly, but calling them volatile wouldn't be a stretch.]
["Anything I've left him? I think??" Kotone's brow furrows at his choices of word. Are they not eating together...? She knows Dazai doesn't eat a lot, but still...]
I'll sit with him and nag him until he does, [she decides, reaching past him to grab a few slices of pizza for herself. They could head over to one of the long cafeteria-styled tables, but she just hops up to sit on a (clean!) part of the counter. Since they're there, and all.
[Chuuya nods in response to her insistence, a bit reassured by that. At her question though, he leans against the counter and takes a bite of a slice of pizza, quiet for a long moment as he chews.]
Pizza's delicious.
[And that simple statement settles in the air, as if he intends to leave it at that.
But ah, he can't really avoid that question, can he? Only delay it.] As for Dazai and me... We're... not really talking, honestly. I think we're both trying to figure stuff out.
[She smiles and ducks her head in acknowledgement of the compliment, but doesn't say anything else as she starts eating herself. If Chuuya needs time to organize his thoughts, that's fine! She'll wait. She knows he heard her. If he really wants to change the subject, he can.
So when he finally does answer, she just hums, nodding once. The maze had been... a lot. She's still figuring things out herself, she thinks, and her trials probably hadn't been as difficult as Chuuya's or what she saw of Dazai's.]
Did something happen between you two? [she asks finally, glancing over at him.] Or d'you just both need some time to yourselves?
[Bluntly. Honesty between Chuuya and Dazai has never seemed to be their strong suit -- they seemed to rely more on that weird "oh I know what the other one is thinking because we're both fucking freaks" mentality they both share. And she already knows Dazai sucks at honest communication.
She kicks her feet back and forth from atop the counter.]
[He lets out a humorless breath that might have been an attempt at a laugh at Kotone pointing that out without any shame, but it's not very lively. So he takes a bite of his pizza as he considers his words.]
Y'know Dazai left the Mafia after some bad shit went down, right? Left without a word to anyone, not even me. Well, one of the reasons that shit went down was to make Dazai leave. To hurt him so badly he'd walk away. So naturally, he hates the Mafia and Mori, our-- my boss.
[Just- yeah. Dazai's told her a lot about his time in the Mafia, how he'd left, under (some) of the circumstances. Her smile fades into something more serious as she nods. The way they'd always talked about it made it sound like Chuuya was still part of the Mafia, even though Dazai left.
She'd wondered, vaguely, why it was that Chuuya hadn't left when Dazai had. Now, she thinks she gets the kind of person he is a little bit better. But she just nods to invite him to keep going, taking another bite of pizza to make it clear that she doesn't plan to interrupt. Whatever it is he wants to say, it's important.]
...The Mafia is my family. my home. It's where I learned I could be more than my ability to other people, where I didn't have to do everything myself alone. They've given me everything, and I've always given back everything in return.
[And Kotone knows Chuuya's brand of loyalty: Utter and complete. He'd live and die for those he has loyalty for, without a second thought.
He lets out a sigh, gaze falling to the floor.] And that's apparently a problem, y'see. For Dazai. He thinks I'm too loyal, that I should walk away. He even said I let myself be used, and maybe I do in his eyes, but it's my damn choice. Mori's never asked anything of me I wouldn't give freely.
[She hums, quietly, just in the appropriate places to let Chuuya know that she is still listening, even if she's not interjecting. It's not really her style to cut people off; rather, she'd prefer to let others reach their own conclusions through their own words, with maybe just a little nudge for guidance here and there.
When he pauses, she reaches out with one foot from her spot atop the opposite counter and gently taps her foot against his hip as if to get his attention and remind him that she's here and he's not alone in this.]
If one of my friends, [and she's using the word "friend" here loosely, because it's both inaccurate and not quite strong enough to describe what Dazai and Chuuya have,] was working with people who hurt me... it would make me really sad. Even if I understood their reason, I don't think I could help how it made me feel.
[He's glad for that silent listening, really-- It's hard enough talking about... the whole thing he has with Dazai with Dazai, though that is a large part of the problem. But talking about feelings in general isn't Chuuya's strongest suit.
Silly, he knows. He's an emotional fireball at the best of times. But there's feeling things, and having the right words to explain them, and there's something of a struggle with the latter.
And he knows Kotone is right, when she finally does speak up. He knows that. It's just...] I know. He's got every right to hate the Mafia, to hate Mori, hell... to hate me. I know that. But... I can't be like him, Kotone-chan. I can't just get up and go, leave behind everyone and everything I know.
[He slumps, leaning to the side against her just slightly with a small sigh.] Even discounting how much I can't leave behind 7 years of bonds... there's the fact I'm really not suited for a different line of work. Or a life in the light to begin with.
[Which... might surprise Kotone, to hear Chuuya admit. He's a regular all-jobs man around Aldrip, ready to help out with whatever anyone asks for help with. He's bizarrely content helping out the community at large for a criminal.]
[She doesn't say it, because she knows she doesn't have to -- Chuuya might someday have to make a choice between the Mafia and Dazai. It's in her eyes as she just hums when he says that, neither approving nor disapproving, but just understanding. It's hard to imagine SEES ever doing anything that would make her not want to work with them anymore, but...
He leans against her, but she can't help but shift a little and tilt her head, clearly confused by that last bit.]
No? [She sounds doubtful, because unless he started a mafia group here in town without her knowledge, he seems to be doing pretty well for himself!] How come?
You saw in that maze. I'm a prototype human weapon.
[Said with a wry, humorless smile.] And all that was sanctioned by the government of Japan. A lot of shady shit went down, during the end of the War.
[The Great War led to a lot of horrific things being done to ability users, both during and after. The advantage they brought in battle was unquestionable, but... even today, Ability users had extremely questionable human rights.] As far as I know they've discontinued the project, but the point remains that I'm someone they're probably keeping track of even today. Enough for that damn Ango to call me for a favor, at any rate. I've been legally dead since I was a kid, and all my paper credentials are fake. I can level a building with my bare hands. Now tell me, what do you think'd happen if I tried to get a blue collar job?
[Dazai was good at blending in, at playing nice. Chuuya... wasn't. He was too wild, too powerful. Laws were often a suggestion, not a concrete setting. He reaches over with his one free hand, patting her head gently.] Not to mention, I'm really not great at playing by other people's rules.
[She wishes she could be surprised. Horrified, yes, of course, but surprised? Not at all. The Kirijo Group had experimented with creating Persona users. It's because of them that the Dark Hour existed, that everything had gone wrong in Tatsumi Port Island. People in power can do awful, awful things to other people.
And she'd seen what had happened to Chuuya himself. She stares down at her slice of pizza, taking a moment to collect her thoughts.]
You don't want to try? [She glances back up, frowning a little.] What about working with Dazai-san?
[Does he want to try? That is the six million yen question, isn't it.
But the second question-- it draws a humorless laugh from him.] Me? Join the agency? If Dazai and I didn't kill each other first, Mori would.
[And maybe it says something awful about how damaged Chuuya is, that he can accept that logic from a man he offers his loyalty. But this is the same man who loves Dazai after everything he's put him through.] Dazai is the only person in the world we know of who can put a lid on Corruption. We're known as 'double black' by people in the underworld because between the two of us, we've decimated entire organizations overnight. I can mow down armies, when I'm in that state. We're.... a little too powerful, basically.
[Kill Mori first, she thinks, but doesn't say. Maybe she's been spending too much time around Dazai and Goro if she's thinking that way, but she can't help it. It's a nasty, ugly thought, but she still thinks it's accurate.
She taps her foot against his side again.]
What do you want to do, Chuuya? [It's a simple question, repeated plainly. He can still dodge it, but it's harder, and they'll both know he's doing it. She's no Dazai, but she's dodged more than enough questions in her time to recognize when someone else does it.]
[Chuuya... wilts a little in place. Because Kotone's too smart for him to dodge around this too much. He's doing her a disservice by trying anyway.]
The Mafia is my family. I owe them everything. I'd die to protect the people there. But... Dazai is....
[How to encapsulate what Dazai Osamu is to him? His partner. The other half of his soul. The eternal pain in his ass, who knows how to rile him like no one else. A man who makes him feel whole just by existing. Someone he didn't think he'd be able to survive losing to his persistent courtship with death. Not in the ways that mattered.] Even if he's the most infuriating asshole in the world, even if we forget everything that's happened here when we get home, even if it's stupid to even feel like this... I love him. Stupidest thing I've ever done, I know. But since when did feelings make sense?
[He lets out a bark of laughter.] But you wanna know what the worst part is?
[Her eyebrows quirk. It's not that she's surprised to hear the depth of emotion Chuuya feels for him -- honestly, she's known for a while -- but it's that he was able to admit it to her. She can't help but hum a little doubtfully when he says it's the stupidest thing he's ever done, as if to wordlessly say are you sure? because she can imagine Chuuya doing a lot of dumb things.
But, still. It's a big step for him to admit out loud, even to himself. She's certain of it. If he ever has to make a choice between Dazai and the Mafia... it kind of sounds like he's already made it.]
What's the worst part?
[She doesn't kick him this time, but just leans against him.]
[That laugh trails off into something slightly hysterical, slightly infuriated. Kotone should probably strap in, because--]
He loves me, too.
[How... is that the worst part? Well--] Told me himself... when we were fucking fifteen and literally just met. He's been saying all this time he'd already told me how he feels, and it was all the way back then!!! Any sane person would think he was being a dipshit and joking!!!
[Dazai....] I swear, he can't say anything like a normal person!!! I tried to kill him! I didn't even know what love was back then and the fucker just....! Ugh!!!
[He angrily chews his pizza crust flopping back against the counter like a sulky teen himself.] Just... who even does that!!!
[She somehow manages not to laugh, even though Chuuya is reminding her of her high school friends right now. Honestly, it's kind of good for him to act like that, she thinks! It's not like he got the chance when he was younger!
As stupid as it sounds on the surface, she gets it, though. It's scary to have these kinds of sudden realizations, even if Chuuya's reaction is admittedly super funny.]
He's probably the only person who can be a dipshit, joking, and totally serious, all at the same time! [she points out with a little laugh, nudging his shoulder. C'mon, buddy, your frustration is valid, even if it's hilarious.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I'm gonna set this dough to prove, then. Decide how you wanna cut it up for me, okay?
[It's just a classic cheese pizza, but she has a few other toppings prepped and ready to go for the next batch she puts in the oven. It looks like she was checking to see how a plain one would turn out before loading it with different things.]
And get something to drink out of the fridge! [Another order with a smile. There's iced tea, milk, water, and a few bottles of wine -- some for cooking, some very clearly the same kinds she usually has with Dazai and Chuuya. That wine is there for both of them, should they ever choose to come over. Like now!]
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[Hey, can't go wrong with a classic. Chuuya's never met anyone who hates cheese pizza, after all.
He sets the pan down on the countertop, obediently rummaging in the fridge for something to drink.
He lets out a short chuckle at the sight of the wine bottles, tugging one out after a glance. Something light, just enough to enhance the taste of the pizza. He's not looking to get tipsy today.
Once that's done, he's rummaging for a knife or pizza cutter.] You up for slices or squares?
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[He'll find a pizza cutter in a drawer with a few other tools and utensils -- it seems she took her responsibility seriously of making a functioning club space for anyone to use for cooking.
Breezing past him with her bowl, she rests it near the oven, covered with a towel, and grabs herself one of the mason jars of tea out of the fridge.]
What kind of pizza is your favorite, Chuuya?
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Honestly? I like trying new flavors more than I have a favorite. But I grew up eating kombini food and canned food, so limited edition promotions were kind of a fun thing.
[Chuuya is that guy who eats the wildest limited time only pizza flavors just for fun.] That being said, a good cheese or Neapolitan pizza always hits the spot. What about you?
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[They are kind of the same in some ways, aren't they? It's easy to forget that as she bumps his shoulder companionably before reaching past him on tip-toe to grab a pair of plates for them to use.]
Corn's pretty good! Or chicken. Sometimes I like to dip it in spicy mayo! You're right, though, the seasonal promos are the best. Especially if they're weird!
[So- typical stuff. Nothing too crazy or unexpected.]
Once that dough's done, let's make something for Dazai-san.
[She glances across at him at the mention of Dazai, trying to get a sense from his expression how they're doing. She loves them both dearly, but calling them volatile wouldn't be a stretch.]
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[He bumps shoulders with Kotone with a small smile, though when she glances at him at mention of Dazai, some of that smile fades from his eyes.]
I don't know if he'll eat it. He hasn't eaten anything I've left him lately, I think.
[...'I think'?]
He might eat it if it's from you, though.
[.....????!]
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I'll sit with him and nag him until he does, [she decides, reaching past him to grab a few slices of pizza for herself. They could head over to one of the long cafeteria-styled tables, but she just hops up to sit on a (clean!) part of the counter. Since they're there, and all.
She tilts her head, still watching him.]
How're you two doing? After the maze.
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Pizza's delicious.
[And that simple statement settles in the air, as if he intends to leave it at that.
But ah, he can't really avoid that question, can he? Only delay it.] As for Dazai and me... We're... not really talking, honestly. I think we're both trying to figure stuff out.
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So when he finally does answer, she just hums, nodding once. The maze had been... a lot. She's still figuring things out herself, she thinks, and her trials probably hadn't been as difficult as Chuuya's or what she saw of Dazai's.]
Did something happen between you two? [she asks finally, glancing over at him.] Or d'you just both need some time to yourselves?
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[...So basically, something outrageous happened. Honesty, brutal honesty.] We've never been good at that, though.
[He lets out a sigh, leaning a little more firmly against the counter.]
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[Bluntly. Honesty between Chuuya and Dazai has never seemed to be their strong suit -- they seemed to rely more on that weird "oh I know what the other one is thinking because we're both fucking freaks" mentality they both share. And she already knows Dazai sucks at honest communication.
She kicks her feet back and forth from atop the counter.]
What'd you talk about?
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Y'know Dazai left the Mafia after some bad shit went down, right? Left without a word to anyone, not even me. Well, one of the reasons that shit went down was to make Dazai leave. To hurt him so badly he'd walk away. So naturally, he hates the Mafia and Mori, our-- my boss.
[it's a rational feeling to have, he knows.]
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[Just- yeah. Dazai's told her a lot about his time in the Mafia, how he'd left, under (some) of the circumstances. Her smile fades into something more serious as she nods. The way they'd always talked about it made it sound like Chuuya was still part of the Mafia, even though Dazai left.
She'd wondered, vaguely, why it was that Chuuya hadn't left when Dazai had. Now, she thinks she gets the kind of person he is a little bit better. But she just nods to invite him to keep going, taking another bite of pizza to make it clear that she doesn't plan to interrupt. Whatever it is he wants to say, it's important.]
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[And Kotone knows Chuuya's brand of loyalty: Utter and complete. He'd live and die for those he has loyalty for, without a second thought.
He lets out a sigh, gaze falling to the floor.] And that's apparently a problem, y'see. For Dazai. He thinks I'm too loyal, that I should walk away. He even said I let myself be used, and maybe I do in his eyes, but it's my damn choice. Mori's never asked anything of me I wouldn't give freely.
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When he pauses, she reaches out with one foot from her spot atop the opposite counter and gently taps her foot against his hip as if to get his attention and remind him that she's here and he's not alone in this.]
If one of my friends, [and she's using the word "friend" here loosely, because it's both inaccurate and not quite strong enough to describe what Dazai and Chuuya have,] was working with people who hurt me... it would make me really sad. Even if I understood their reason, I don't think I could help how it made me feel.
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Silly, he knows. He's an emotional fireball at the best of times. But there's feeling things, and having the right words to explain them, and there's something of a struggle with the latter.
And he knows Kotone is right, when she finally does speak up. He knows that. It's just...] I know. He's got every right to hate the Mafia, to hate Mori, hell... to hate me. I know that. But... I can't be like him, Kotone-chan. I can't just get up and go, leave behind everyone and everything I know.
[He slumps, leaning to the side against her just slightly with a small sigh.] Even discounting how much I can't leave behind 7 years of bonds... there's the fact I'm really not suited for a different line of work. Or a life in the light to begin with.
[Which... might surprise Kotone, to hear Chuuya admit. He's a regular all-jobs man around Aldrip, ready to help out with whatever anyone asks for help with. He's bizarrely content helping out the community at large for a criminal.]
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He leans against her, but she can't help but shift a little and tilt her head, clearly confused by that last bit.]
No? [She sounds doubtful, because unless he started a mafia group here in town without her knowledge, he seems to be doing pretty well for himself!] How come?
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[Said with a wry, humorless smile.] And all that was sanctioned by the government of Japan. A lot of shady shit went down, during the end of the War.
[The Great War led to a lot of horrific things being done to ability users, both during and after. The advantage they brought in battle was unquestionable, but... even today, Ability users had extremely questionable human rights.] As far as I know they've discontinued the project, but the point remains that I'm someone they're probably keeping track of even today. Enough for that damn Ango to call me for a favor, at any rate. I've been legally dead since I was a kid, and all my paper credentials are fake. I can level a building with my bare hands. Now tell me, what do you think'd happen if I tried to get a blue collar job?
[Dazai was good at blending in, at playing nice. Chuuya... wasn't. He was too wild, too powerful. Laws were often a suggestion, not a concrete setting. He reaches over with his one free hand, patting her head gently.] Not to mention, I'm really not great at playing by other people's rules.
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And she'd seen what had happened to Chuuya himself. She stares down at her slice of pizza, taking a moment to collect her thoughts.]
You don't want to try? [She glances back up, frowning a little.] What about working with Dazai-san?
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But the second question-- it draws a humorless laugh from him.] Me? Join the agency? If Dazai and I didn't kill each other first, Mori would.
[And maybe it says something awful about how damaged Chuuya is, that he can accept that logic from a man he offers his loyalty. But this is the same man who loves Dazai after everything he's put him through.] Dazai is the only person in the world we know of who can put a lid on Corruption. We're known as 'double black' by people in the underworld because between the two of us, we've decimated entire organizations overnight. I can mow down armies, when I'm in that state. We're.... a little too powerful, basically.
[He sighs, chewing sullenly on his pizza crust.]
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She taps her foot against his side again.]
What do you want to do, Chuuya? [It's a simple question, repeated plainly. He can still dodge it, but it's harder, and they'll both know he's doing it. She's no Dazai, but she's dodged more than enough questions in her time to recognize when someone else does it.]
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The Mafia is my family. I owe them everything. I'd die to protect the people there. But... Dazai is....
[How to encapsulate what Dazai Osamu is to him? His partner. The other half of his soul. The eternal pain in his ass, who knows how to rile him like no one else. A man who makes him feel whole just by existing. Someone he didn't think he'd be able to survive losing to his persistent courtship with death. Not in the ways that mattered.] Even if he's the most infuriating asshole in the world, even if we forget everything that's happened here when we get home, even if it's stupid to even feel like this... I love him. Stupidest thing I've ever done, I know. But since when did feelings make sense?
[He lets out a bark of laughter.] But you wanna know what the worst part is?
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But, still. It's a big step for him to admit out loud, even to himself. She's certain of it. If he ever has to make a choice between Dazai and the Mafia... it kind of sounds like he's already made it.]
What's the worst part?
[She doesn't kick him this time, but just leans against him.]
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He loves me, too.
[How... is that the worst part? Well--] Told me himself... when we were fucking fifteen and literally just met. He's been saying all this time he'd already told me how he feels, and it was all the way back then!!! Any sane person would think he was being a dipshit and joking!!!
[Dazai....] I swear, he can't say anything like a normal person!!! I tried to kill him! I didn't even know what love was back then and the fucker just....! Ugh!!!
[He angrily chews his pizza crust flopping back against the counter like a sulky teen himself.] Just... who even does that!!!
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As stupid as it sounds on the surface, she gets it, though. It's scary to have these kinds of sudden realizations, even if Chuuya's reaction is admittedly super funny.]
He's probably the only person who can be a dipshit, joking, and totally serious, all at the same time! [she points out with a little laugh, nudging his shoulder. C'mon, buddy, your frustration is valid, even if it's hilarious.]
You'll get him back somehow, I'm sure.