You saw in that maze. I'm a prototype human weapon.
[Said with a wry, humorless smile.] And all that was sanctioned by the government of Japan. A lot of shady shit went down, during the end of the War.
[The Great War led to a lot of horrific things being done to ability users, both during and after. The advantage they brought in battle was unquestionable, but... even today, Ability users had extremely questionable human rights.] As far as I know they've discontinued the project, but the point remains that I'm someone they're probably keeping track of even today. Enough for that damn Ango to call me for a favor, at any rate. I've been legally dead since I was a kid, and all my paper credentials are fake. I can level a building with my bare hands. Now tell me, what do you think'd happen if I tried to get a blue collar job?
[Dazai was good at blending in, at playing nice. Chuuya... wasn't. He was too wild, too powerful. Laws were often a suggestion, not a concrete setting. He reaches over with his one free hand, patting her head gently.] Not to mention, I'm really not great at playing by other people's rules.
[She wishes she could be surprised. Horrified, yes, of course, but surprised? Not at all. The Kirijo Group had experimented with creating Persona users. It's because of them that the Dark Hour existed, that everything had gone wrong in Tatsumi Port Island. People in power can do awful, awful things to other people.
And she'd seen what had happened to Chuuya himself. She stares down at her slice of pizza, taking a moment to collect her thoughts.]
You don't want to try? [She glances back up, frowning a little.] What about working with Dazai-san?
[Does he want to try? That is the six million yen question, isn't it.
But the second question-- it draws a humorless laugh from him.] Me? Join the agency? If Dazai and I didn't kill each other first, Mori would.
[And maybe it says something awful about how damaged Chuuya is, that he can accept that logic from a man he offers his loyalty. But this is the same man who loves Dazai after everything he's put him through.] Dazai is the only person in the world we know of who can put a lid on Corruption. We're known as 'double black' by people in the underworld because between the two of us, we've decimated entire organizations overnight. I can mow down armies, when I'm in that state. We're.... a little too powerful, basically.
[Kill Mori first, she thinks, but doesn't say. Maybe she's been spending too much time around Dazai and Goro if she's thinking that way, but she can't help it. It's a nasty, ugly thought, but she still thinks it's accurate.
She taps her foot against his side again.]
What do you want to do, Chuuya? [It's a simple question, repeated plainly. He can still dodge it, but it's harder, and they'll both know he's doing it. She's no Dazai, but she's dodged more than enough questions in her time to recognize when someone else does it.]
[Chuuya... wilts a little in place. Because Kotone's too smart for him to dodge around this too much. He's doing her a disservice by trying anyway.]
The Mafia is my family. I owe them everything. I'd die to protect the people there. But... Dazai is....
[How to encapsulate what Dazai Osamu is to him? His partner. The other half of his soul. The eternal pain in his ass, who knows how to rile him like no one else. A man who makes him feel whole just by existing. Someone he didn't think he'd be able to survive losing to his persistent courtship with death. Not in the ways that mattered.] Even if he's the most infuriating asshole in the world, even if we forget everything that's happened here when we get home, even if it's stupid to even feel like this... I love him. Stupidest thing I've ever done, I know. But since when did feelings make sense?
[He lets out a bark of laughter.] But you wanna know what the worst part is?
[Her eyebrows quirk. It's not that she's surprised to hear the depth of emotion Chuuya feels for him -- honestly, she's known for a while -- but it's that he was able to admit it to her. She can't help but hum a little doubtfully when he says it's the stupidest thing he's ever done, as if to wordlessly say are you sure? because she can imagine Chuuya doing a lot of dumb things.
But, still. It's a big step for him to admit out loud, even to himself. She's certain of it. If he ever has to make a choice between Dazai and the Mafia... it kind of sounds like he's already made it.]
What's the worst part?
[She doesn't kick him this time, but just leans against him.]
[That laugh trails off into something slightly hysterical, slightly infuriated. Kotone should probably strap in, because--]
He loves me, too.
[How... is that the worst part? Well--] Told me himself... when we were fucking fifteen and literally just met. He's been saying all this time he'd already told me how he feels, and it was all the way back then!!! Any sane person would think he was being a dipshit and joking!!!
[Dazai....] I swear, he can't say anything like a normal person!!! I tried to kill him! I didn't even know what love was back then and the fucker just....! Ugh!!!
[He angrily chews his pizza crust flopping back against the counter like a sulky teen himself.] Just... who even does that!!!
[She somehow manages not to laugh, even though Chuuya is reminding her of her high school friends right now. Honestly, it's kind of good for him to act like that, she thinks! It's not like he got the chance when he was younger!
As stupid as it sounds on the surface, she gets it, though. It's scary to have these kinds of sudden realizations, even if Chuuya's reaction is admittedly super funny.]
He's probably the only person who can be a dipshit, joking, and totally serious, all at the same time! [she points out with a little laugh, nudging his shoulder. C'mon, buddy, your frustration is valid, even if it's hilarious.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Said with a wry, humorless smile.] And all that was sanctioned by the government of Japan. A lot of shady shit went down, during the end of the War.
[The Great War led to a lot of horrific things being done to ability users, both during and after. The advantage they brought in battle was unquestionable, but... even today, Ability users had extremely questionable human rights.] As far as I know they've discontinued the project, but the point remains that I'm someone they're probably keeping track of even today. Enough for that damn Ango to call me for a favor, at any rate. I've been legally dead since I was a kid, and all my paper credentials are fake. I can level a building with my bare hands. Now tell me, what do you think'd happen if I tried to get a blue collar job?
[Dazai was good at blending in, at playing nice. Chuuya... wasn't. He was too wild, too powerful. Laws were often a suggestion, not a concrete setting. He reaches over with his one free hand, patting her head gently.] Not to mention, I'm really not great at playing by other people's rules.
no subject
And she'd seen what had happened to Chuuya himself. She stares down at her slice of pizza, taking a moment to collect her thoughts.]
You don't want to try? [She glances back up, frowning a little.] What about working with Dazai-san?
no subject
But the second question-- it draws a humorless laugh from him.] Me? Join the agency? If Dazai and I didn't kill each other first, Mori would.
[And maybe it says something awful about how damaged Chuuya is, that he can accept that logic from a man he offers his loyalty. But this is the same man who loves Dazai after everything he's put him through.] Dazai is the only person in the world we know of who can put a lid on Corruption. We're known as 'double black' by people in the underworld because between the two of us, we've decimated entire organizations overnight. I can mow down armies, when I'm in that state. We're.... a little too powerful, basically.
[He sighs, chewing sullenly on his pizza crust.]
no subject
She taps her foot against his side again.]
What do you want to do, Chuuya? [It's a simple question, repeated plainly. He can still dodge it, but it's harder, and they'll both know he's doing it. She's no Dazai, but she's dodged more than enough questions in her time to recognize when someone else does it.]
no subject
The Mafia is my family. I owe them everything. I'd die to protect the people there. But... Dazai is....
[How to encapsulate what Dazai Osamu is to him? His partner. The other half of his soul. The eternal pain in his ass, who knows how to rile him like no one else. A man who makes him feel whole just by existing. Someone he didn't think he'd be able to survive losing to his persistent courtship with death. Not in the ways that mattered.] Even if he's the most infuriating asshole in the world, even if we forget everything that's happened here when we get home, even if it's stupid to even feel like this... I love him. Stupidest thing I've ever done, I know. But since when did feelings make sense?
[He lets out a bark of laughter.] But you wanna know what the worst part is?
no subject
But, still. It's a big step for him to admit out loud, even to himself. She's certain of it. If he ever has to make a choice between Dazai and the Mafia... it kind of sounds like he's already made it.]
What's the worst part?
[She doesn't kick him this time, but just leans against him.]
no subject
He loves me, too.
[How... is that the worst part? Well--] Told me himself... when we were fucking fifteen and literally just met. He's been saying all this time he'd already told me how he feels, and it was all the way back then!!! Any sane person would think he was being a dipshit and joking!!!
[Dazai....] I swear, he can't say anything like a normal person!!! I tried to kill him! I didn't even know what love was back then and the fucker just....! Ugh!!!
[He angrily chews his pizza crust flopping back against the counter like a sulky teen himself.] Just... who even does that!!!
no subject
As stupid as it sounds on the surface, she gets it, though. It's scary to have these kinds of sudden realizations, even if Chuuya's reaction is admittedly super funny.]
He's probably the only person who can be a dipshit, joking, and totally serious, all at the same time! [she points out with a little laugh, nudging his shoulder. C'mon, buddy, your frustration is valid, even if it's hilarious.]
You'll get him back somehow, I'm sure.