[Talking in person is what he'd prefer, anyway, if only so he can better make sure she's doing okay. Izuku just...doesn't really know the right way to approach her right now. He still feels awful about making her feel like he was attacking her, and he desperately wants to apologize, but he also knows painfully well that she might not want to interact with him right away after. Or ever.
And he doesn't really know what to do about her apologizing to him. It's not something he feels he deserves expected.
He doesn't have any better of a handle on things when he gets to the mills, but the walk gave him time to sort out what he wants to say first. So when he sees her, and gives her a shy wave, he's able to speak without sounding as uncertain as he feels.]
[She gives him a fragile smile back, but doesn't return the wave. Her hands are busy, see, hugging her knees to her chest as she gazes out over the town. People are still rebuilding below, and even if they're celebrating their survival, it still feels kind of hollow to know that she'd turned on them. How much of the destruction had been her fault?]
I'm okay, [she answers, though, because she's not physically hurt. No broken bones, no serious cuts, just bruises. Oh, and trauma, but that doesn't count. Looking up at him, she flicks an appraising gaze over him, looking for any obvious signs of injury.]
[He certainly seems to be. Of course, he'd be insisting he was fine even if every bone in all four of his limbs were broken. This time around, at least, he managed to avoid anything too terrible; nothing basic medical care and his unsettlingly high pain tolerance can't handle.
Izuku takes a seat himself after a moment. He stays a couple of feet away, not wanting to push into her space without permission. He's not always great at figuring out what people need, but he knows what he wanted when...well. He knows what he wanted. It seems like the safest approach for now.]
I'm sorry. For making you feel like you were being attacked, and for not even checking if you needed any help to begin with.
[He never even properly asked if she was alright, during everything. If she'd been hurt and needed immediate assistance...]
[It hurts, a little, that he's sitting so far away, but she gets it. He's probably afraid of her, isn't he? Like, she'd attacked him with Thanatos, who has to be one of her most intimidating Personas if you don't know him. She inhales deeply and just nods when he says he's fine and returns her gaze to the town below.
At least, only for a moment. Her head jerks around quickly to stare at him again as if he'd said something insane. Which, he kind of had?]
What're you talking about? I attacked you. It's my fault. You don't have anything to be sorry for.
I was trying to help you and did the exact opposite.
[And, well. That's really not a great thing to have happen when you're a hero, even one still in training. Izuku, especially, wants to be a comforting presence, someone who makes people feel safer just with his arrival on the scene. It's fine now, because I am here!
It was bad enough having people start running away from him during his month going solo, and at least then he was in costume and it had gotten pretty wrecked. With Kotone, he doesn't even know what he did wrong besides meddle in someone's business again, and that makes it feel even worse.]
Besides, it's not like you...or that being, would've attacked me if I wasn't already trying to get to you, right? You don't need to apologize for that.
[That's what it comes down to. Even if Izuku hadn't been attacking her and Thanatos, in the state she was in... she doesn't know if Thanatos would have struck out, anyway. She wouldn't have been able to stop him either way.
She hugs her knees in close to her chest and rests her chin atop them, gazing blankly out over the town below.]
I lost control of my Persona. [Or, well, control was taken from her, but that sounds like an excuse. None of the other Persona-users lost control. Only her. She wasn't strong enough. She digs her chin into her knees and presses her lips more tightly together.] I could've killed you.
[Now it's his turn to have his gaze suddenly snap to her. Lost control? That...that explains a lot. It also makes him feel even worse about his reaction to what was happening, since it can't have made trying to regain control any easier.]
But you didn't, and you weren't trying to.
[Which matters a lot, in his book. He knows there's always a reason of some kind behind what people do, and those reasons are important for understanding what happened. Something going wrong and Shiomi not being able to fix or stop it? That's something even Izuku has experienced before, so it's not hard to empathize at all.
He shifts himself closer to her, enough to be able to put a hand on her shoulder. He's not going to tell her to not be upset, because it is an awful thing to have happen. But he could never hold it against her either.]
Everything turned out okay. That's the most important part.
[She flinches a little when he puts his hand on her shoulder, like she hadn't been expecting it. Considering she had tried to kill him, it would only be fair if he tried to hurt her in exchange, right? But that's uncharitable. Deku wouldn't do that.
Her fingers dig into her legs as she tries to force a hollow smile for his benefit, as if to try to reassure him that everything really is okay.]
[That flinch feels like a punch to the gut, after everything. Does she not want to be touched right now? Crap, he should have asked first. Again. Should he take his hand off? Leave it?
In the end he settles on rubbing a few gentle circles into her shoulder with his thumb before taking his hand back. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to push her, pushing his help on her is part of what got them into this mess. It doesn't feel right to just drop it, either, but with the way he keeps messing up...he needs to leave it up to her.]
You too. [He opens his mouth to continue, then snaps it shut - trying as hard as he can to repress the urge to to press and prod, to bluntly ask are you sure you're okay?] If...if you ever want to talk about it, o-or about anything...I'll always be ready to listen.
[It doesn't feel like enough. Any more might be too much. How is he supposed to figure out the right response when every option feels wrong?]
[She blinks a few times as she looks at him, first to his hand as he pulls it away, then back to his eyes, as if she's trying to piece together just what the heck is going on. It's not like Scott, where she'd been able to get away before he was seriously hurt, it's not like Akira where she was able to snap out of it. She could have done a lot of damage to Izuku if he hadn't been as well-trained as he is.]
[And he’s certainly not going to be mad at her for something she didn’t intend to happen AND that he made worse. Besides—]
I can tell you feel bad about it, and bad enough that you wanted to apologize. And anyway, you’re my friend.
[It’s as simple as that. Izuku has…far more experience than he should with people hurting him on purpose with no remorse. More than his fair share long before he ever got close to fighting a villain of any kind. He’s got a very, VERY low tolerance for that kind of thing.
Which is exactly why he never stopped trusting Shiomi for a second. It’ll take more than an accident she clearly regrets to change that.]
[He sounds like her. If their roles were reversed, this is exactly what she'd be saying. It's weird to be on the receiving end of that unconditional faith, so strange that she almost doesn't know what to do with it or what to say as she stares at him.
So she doesn't say anything at all. She just lets go of her knees to turn toward him and wrap her arms around him in a hug, burying her face in his chest.]
I'm sorry... [She's not crying, but there's enough emotion in her voice that maybe she doesn't have to.]
[Oh. He wasn’t expecting this. All he said was the truth, after all.
He sits there for a moment, more out of surprise than anything, before finally moving to wrap his arms around her in return. He did decide he was going to follow her lead on what she needs. If that’s a hug, then he’s gonna give her the best one he can.]
It’s okay.
[That’s all he intended to say. He doesn’t want to tell her not to apologize, not when he knows how important that can be, even though he hasn’t felt like he needed one. But more words keep coming — words he can’t help feeling are important, that need to be when he feels the sentiment this strongly.]
Apology accepted. [And then, quietly: ] I’m not going anywhere.
[He’s here however she needs him, for as long as she needs him.]
[She grips him tightly, as if in reassurance to herself that he's here, he's solid, he's not seriously injured, and he's not shoving her away. He wants to be her friend. She keeps her face pressed into his shoulder, voice quiet, as she asks a hesitant,] You're not... gonna ask for answers?
[Explaining is so hard. But Deku deserves answers, if he wants them. It's the least she can do for him.]
[What kind of power is it that she has, exactly? How does it work? Are there limits? A duration? Activation conditions? How does that being come into it? Is it like Tokoyami and Dark Shadow? Also what the hell was up with the gun?
But...that would be pushing her, again. As much as he loves learning about different powers and how they work, he'd feel like a terrible person if he demanded she tell him everything, especially right now.]
It's okay, though. I can work with what I already know.
[Shiomi has a power, manifesting some kind of large entity with incredible close-combat capabilities and at least one absolutely terrifying power of its own is part of it. He's certainly rolled with less.]
[Quietly. It isn't something she likes to talk about on her own, but she can't help but feel like she owes Deku something for what she did. Not to mention he's probably going to be thinking about it, right? And knowing that he might decide to ask about it when she's not ready for it seems even worse than just ripping the bandaid off now.]
If you want. I dunno how much you figured out already.
Some? It seems similar to one of my classmate's Quirks, but...
[He has no idea by how much. He's seen much more of Dark Shadow in many more kinds of situations, after all. And shared a dorm with it; he and Tokoyami are on the same floor, after all.]
I could describe what it seems like to me and you could tell me if I got anything important wrong? If...if that's okay with you?
[Yeah, that sounds easier, if a little scary to actually hear what it looks like from the outside if you don't know. It's been such a long time since she hasn't known what all this is that maybe the outside perspective will do some good. Or at the very least, mean she won't have to explain as much as she's afraid of.]
Edited 2023-06-30 00:16 (UTC)
I am so sorry for how long it took to make this not be The Longest Tag
[He nods, almost as much to himself as to her. He's used to analyzing powers blind, but it's rare he ever presents his guesses and observations to the owner of said power for corrections. He wants to make sure he words everything exactly right.]
Well...it's obviously centered around that being. ["I lost control of my--"] Persona? It's separate from you, and it has its own abilities, but you have some amount of control over it.
[Like Tokoyami and his Quirk. But is it less independent than Dark Shadow, or more? It wasn't as talkative, at least. Then again, it wasn't physically connected to Shiomi the way Dark Shadow is to Tokoyami. Plus Dark Shadow's abilities are limited to what it can do as a result of its status as a living shadow, while the "Persona" had and knew how to use at least one weapon.
And that...exploding laser nightmare thing.
He has SO MANY QUESTIONS but he is trying to be good--!]
[It's a lot easier to answer questions than it is to just try to explain everything in one go. It's at least easier to correct instead of just come out and say, anyway. Keeping her chin resting on her folded knees, she gazes out over town.]
Thanatos isn't separate from me. He is me. Or a part of my soul, at least. [She presses a hand against her heart as if she could physically feel her Personas there -- sometimes, it feels like she can.] I should have complete control over his attacks, but... I couldn't, this time. I know it's happened to people before, but never to me.
[Izuku hums thoughtfully. So less like Dark Shadow than he thought in some ways, and more like it in others. He almost wishes Tokoyami were here. He'd have much better insights into this.
He'd probably have a better idea of how talk to Shiomi about all this, too. He shifts, bringing his own knees up and pulling back his arms to rest them on top of them. He can almost hear Todoroki's voice in his head, repeating his advice from camp, but how the heck can he make his actions speak if he's just as clueless about what to do as he is with what to say?]
I don't know if I fully understand, but...essentially it's - he's, an extension of you? If so, having control of him would be the same as having control of yourself, right?
[A power that is an inherent part of oneself... Like a Quirk, but spiritual instead of physical? Which is incredible, even compared to the Quirks he's read about that do operate based on and confirm the existence of souls. Such a thing...it sounds like...]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Text, a couple days after the event
I know you might not want to hear from me, and I understand. I just...I'd really like to talk. If you're okay with that.
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Are you sure you want to?
I'm sorry I hurt you.
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You don't have to apologize. I'm the one who made you feel like you were in danger.
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[Mmngh. Sigh.]
...Wanna meet by the mills? You know, where we met. It's got a good view of town.
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[Talking in person is what he'd prefer, anyway, if only so he can better make sure she's doing okay. Izuku just...doesn't really know the right way to approach her right now. He still feels awful about making her feel like he was attacking her, and he desperately wants to apologize, but he also knows painfully well that she might not want to interact with him right away after. Or ever.
And he doesn't really know what to do about her apologizing to him. It's not something he
feels he deservesexpected.He doesn't have any better of a handle on things when he gets to the mills, but the walk gave him time to sort out what he wants to say first. So when he sees her, and gives her a shy wave, he's able to speak without sounding as uncertain as he feels.]
Hi. ...are you doing okay?
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I'm okay, [she answers, though, because she's not physically hurt. No broken bones, no serious cuts, just bruises. Oh, and trauma, but that doesn't count. Looking up at him, she flicks an appraising gaze over him, looking for any obvious signs of injury.]
Are you?
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[He certainly seems to be. Of course, he'd be insisting he was fine even if every bone in all four of his limbs were broken. This time around, at least, he managed to avoid anything too terrible; nothing basic medical care and his unsettlingly high pain tolerance can't handle.
Izuku takes a seat himself after a moment. He stays a couple of feet away, not wanting to push into her space without permission. He's not always great at figuring out what people need, but he knows what he wanted when...well. He knows what he wanted. It seems like the safest approach for now.]
I'm sorry. For making you feel like you were being attacked, and for not even checking if you needed any help to begin with.
[He never even properly asked if she was alright, during everything. If she'd been hurt and needed immediate assistance...]
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At least, only for a moment. Her head jerks around quickly to stare at him again as if he'd said something insane. Which, he kind of had?]
What're you talking about? I attacked you. It's my fault. You don't have anything to be sorry for.
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[And, well. That's really not a great thing to have happen when you're a hero, even one still in training. Izuku, especially, wants to be a comforting presence, someone who makes people feel safer just with his arrival on the scene. It's fine now, because I am here!
It was bad enough having people start running away from him during his month going solo, and at least then he was in costume and it had gotten pretty wrecked. With Kotone, he doesn't even know what he did wrong besides meddle in someone's business again, and that makes it feel even worse.]
Besides, it's not like you...or that being, would've attacked me if I wasn't already trying to get to you, right? You don't need to apologize for that.
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[That's what it comes down to. Even if Izuku hadn't been attacking her and Thanatos, in the state she was in... she doesn't know if Thanatos would have struck out, anyway. She wouldn't have been able to stop him either way.
She hugs her knees in close to her chest and rests her chin atop them, gazing blankly out over the town below.]
I lost control of my Persona. [Or, well, control was taken from her, but that sounds like an excuse. None of the other Persona-users lost control. Only her. She wasn't strong enough. She digs her chin into her knees and presses her lips more tightly together.] I could've killed you.
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But you didn't, and you weren't trying to.
[Which matters a lot, in his book. He knows there's always a reason of some kind behind what people do, and those reasons are important for understanding what happened. Something going wrong and Shiomi not being able to fix or stop it? That's something even Izuku has experienced before, so it's not hard to empathize at all.
He shifts himself closer to her, enough to be able to put a hand on her shoulder. He's not going to tell her to not be upset, because it is an awful thing to have happen. But he could never hold it against her either.]
Everything turned out okay. That's the most important part.
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Her fingers dig into her legs as she tries to force a hollow smile for his benefit, as if to try to reassure him that everything really is okay.]
I'm glad you're okay.
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In the end he settles on rubbing a few gentle circles into her shoulder with his thumb before taking his hand back. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to push her, pushing his help on her is part of what got them into this mess. It doesn't feel right to just drop it, either, but with the way he keeps messing up...he needs to leave it up to her.]
You too. [He opens his mouth to continue, then snaps it shut - trying as hard as he can to repress the urge to to press and prod, to bluntly ask are you sure you're okay?] If...if you ever want to talk about it, o-or about anything...I'll always be ready to listen.
[It doesn't feel like enough. Any more might be too much. How is he supposed to figure out the right response when every option feels wrong?]
I just wanted you to know that.
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[She blinks a few times as she looks at him, first to his hand as he pulls it away, then back to his eyes, as if she's trying to piece together just what the heck is going on. It's not like Scott, where she'd been able to get away before he was seriously hurt, it's not like Akira where she was able to snap out of it. She could have done a lot of damage to Izuku if he hadn't been as well-trained as he is.]
How can you trust me after that?
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[And he’s certainly not going to be mad at her for something she didn’t intend to happen AND that he made worse. Besides—]
I can tell you feel bad about it, and bad enough that you wanted to apologize. And anyway, you’re my friend.
[It’s as simple as that. Izuku has…far more experience than he should with people hurting him on purpose with no remorse. More than his fair share long before he ever got close to fighting a villain of any kind. He’s got a very, VERY low tolerance for that kind of thing.
Which is exactly why he never stopped trusting Shiomi for a second. It’ll take more than an accident she clearly regrets to change that.]
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[He sounds like her. If their roles were reversed, this is exactly what she'd be saying. It's weird to be on the receiving end of that unconditional faith, so strange that she almost doesn't know what to do with it or what to say as she stares at him.
So she doesn't say anything at all. She just lets go of her knees to turn toward him and wrap her arms around him in a hug, burying her face in his chest.]
I'm sorry... [She's not crying, but there's enough emotion in her voice that maybe she doesn't have to.]
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He sits there for a moment, more out of surprise than anything, before finally moving to wrap his arms around her in return. He did decide he was going to follow her lead on what she needs. If that’s a hug, then he’s gonna give her the best one he can.]
It’s okay.
[That’s all he intended to say. He doesn’t want to tell her not to apologize, not when he knows how important that can be, even though he hasn’t felt like he needed one. But more words keep coming — words he can’t help feeling are important, that need to be when he feels the sentiment this strongly.]
Apology accepted. [And then, quietly: ] I’m not going anywhere.
[He’s here however she needs him, for as long as she needs him.]
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[Explaining is so hard. But Deku deserves answers, if he wants them. It's the least she can do for him.]
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[What kind of power is it that she has, exactly? How does it work? Are there limits? A duration? Activation conditions? How does that being come into it? Is it like Tokoyami and Dark Shadow? Also what the hell was up with the gun?
But...that would be pushing her, again. As much as he loves learning about different powers and how they work, he'd feel like a terrible person if he demanded she tell him everything, especially right now.]
It's okay, though. I can work with what I already know.
[Shiomi has a power, manifesting some kind of large entity with incredible close-combat capabilities and at least one absolutely terrifying power of its own is part of it. He's certainly rolled with less.]
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[Quietly. It isn't something she likes to talk about on her own, but she can't help but feel like she owes Deku something for what she did. Not to mention he's probably going to be thinking about it, right? And knowing that he might decide to ask about it when she's not ready for it seems even worse than just ripping the bandaid off now.]
If you want. I dunno how much you figured out already.
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[He has no idea by how much. He's seen much more of Dark Shadow in many more kinds of situations, after all. And shared a dorm with it; he and Tokoyami are on the same floor, after all.]
I could describe what it seems like to me and you could tell me if I got anything important wrong? If...if that's okay with you?
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[Yeah, that sounds easier, if a little scary to actually hear what it looks like from the outside if you don't know. It's been such a long time since she hasn't known what all this is that maybe the outside perspective will do some good. Or at the very least, mean she won't have to explain as much as she's afraid of.]
I am so sorry for how long it took to make this not be The Longest Tag
Well...it's obviously centered around that being. ["I lost control of my--"] Persona? It's separate from you, and it has its own abilities, but you have some amount of control over it.
[Like Tokoyami and his Quirk. But is it less independent than Dark Shadow, or more? It wasn't as talkative, at least. Then again, it wasn't physically connected to Shiomi the way Dark Shadow is to Tokoyami. Plus Dark Shadow's abilities are limited to what it can do as a result of its status as a living shadow, while the "Persona" had and knew how to use at least one weapon.
And that...exploding laser nightmare thing.
He has SO MANY QUESTIONS but he is trying to be good--!]
Um, am I doing okay so far?
i love it tho
[It's a lot easier to answer questions than it is to just try to explain everything in one go. It's at least easier to correct instead of just come out and say, anyway. Keeping her chin resting on her folded knees, she gazes out over town.]
Thanatos isn't separate from me. He is me. Or a part of my soul, at least. [She presses a hand against her heart as if she could physically feel her Personas there -- sometimes, it feels like she can.] I should have complete control over his attacks, but... I couldn't, this time. I know it's happened to people before, but never to me.
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He'd probably have a better idea of how talk to Shiomi about all this, too. He shifts, bringing his own knees up and pulling back his arms to rest them on top of them. He can almost hear Todoroki's voice in his head, repeating his advice from camp, but how the heck can he make his actions speak if he's just as clueless about what to do as he is with what to say?]
I don't know if I fully understand, but...essentially it's - he's, an extension of you? If so, having control of him would be the same as having control of yourself, right?
[A power that is an inherent part of oneself... Like a Quirk, but spiritual instead of physical? Which is incredible, even compared to the Quirks he's read about that do operate based on and confirm the existence of souls. Such a thing...it sounds like...]
...a wonderful power...
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