[Now it's his turn to have his gaze suddenly snap to her. Lost control? That...that explains a lot. It also makes him feel even worse about his reaction to what was happening, since it can't have made trying to regain control any easier.]
But you didn't, and you weren't trying to.
[Which matters a lot, in his book. He knows there's always a reason of some kind behind what people do, and those reasons are important for understanding what happened. Something going wrong and Shiomi not being able to fix or stop it? That's something even Izuku has experienced before, so it's not hard to empathize at all.
He shifts himself closer to her, enough to be able to put a hand on her shoulder. He's not going to tell her to not be upset, because it is an awful thing to have happen. But he could never hold it against her either.]
Everything turned out okay. That's the most important part.
[She flinches a little when he puts his hand on her shoulder, like she hadn't been expecting it. Considering she had tried to kill him, it would only be fair if he tried to hurt her in exchange, right? But that's uncharitable. Deku wouldn't do that.
Her fingers dig into her legs as she tries to force a hollow smile for his benefit, as if to try to reassure him that everything really is okay.]
[That flinch feels like a punch to the gut, after everything. Does she not want to be touched right now? Crap, he should have asked first. Again. Should he take his hand off? Leave it?
In the end he settles on rubbing a few gentle circles into her shoulder with his thumb before taking his hand back. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to push her, pushing his help on her is part of what got them into this mess. It doesn't feel right to just drop it, either, but with the way he keeps messing up...he needs to leave it up to her.]
You too. [He opens his mouth to continue, then snaps it shut - trying as hard as he can to repress the urge to to press and prod, to bluntly ask are you sure you're okay?] If...if you ever want to talk about it, o-or about anything...I'll always be ready to listen.
[It doesn't feel like enough. Any more might be too much. How is he supposed to figure out the right response when every option feels wrong?]
[She blinks a few times as she looks at him, first to his hand as he pulls it away, then back to his eyes, as if she's trying to piece together just what the heck is going on. It's not like Scott, where she'd been able to get away before he was seriously hurt, it's not like Akira where she was able to snap out of it. She could have done a lot of damage to Izuku if he hadn't been as well-trained as he is.]
[And he’s certainly not going to be mad at her for something she didn’t intend to happen AND that he made worse. Besides—]
I can tell you feel bad about it, and bad enough that you wanted to apologize. And anyway, you’re my friend.
[It’s as simple as that. Izuku has…far more experience than he should with people hurting him on purpose with no remorse. More than his fair share long before he ever got close to fighting a villain of any kind. He’s got a very, VERY low tolerance for that kind of thing.
Which is exactly why he never stopped trusting Shiomi for a second. It’ll take more than an accident she clearly regrets to change that.]
[He sounds like her. If their roles were reversed, this is exactly what she'd be saying. It's weird to be on the receiving end of that unconditional faith, so strange that she almost doesn't know what to do with it or what to say as she stares at him.
So she doesn't say anything at all. She just lets go of her knees to turn toward him and wrap her arms around him in a hug, burying her face in his chest.]
I'm sorry... [She's not crying, but there's enough emotion in her voice that maybe she doesn't have to.]
[Oh. He wasn’t expecting this. All he said was the truth, after all.
He sits there for a moment, more out of surprise than anything, before finally moving to wrap his arms around her in return. He did decide he was going to follow her lead on what she needs. If that’s a hug, then he’s gonna give her the best one he can.]
It’s okay.
[That’s all he intended to say. He doesn’t want to tell her not to apologize, not when he knows how important that can be, even though he hasn’t felt like he needed one. But more words keep coming — words he can’t help feeling are important, that need to be when he feels the sentiment this strongly.]
Apology accepted. [And then, quietly: ] I’m not going anywhere.
[He’s here however she needs him, for as long as she needs him.]
[She grips him tightly, as if in reassurance to herself that he's here, he's solid, he's not seriously injured, and he's not shoving her away. He wants to be her friend. She keeps her face pressed into his shoulder, voice quiet, as she asks a hesitant,] You're not... gonna ask for answers?
[Explaining is so hard. But Deku deserves answers, if he wants them. It's the least she can do for him.]
[What kind of power is it that she has, exactly? How does it work? Are there limits? A duration? Activation conditions? How does that being come into it? Is it like Tokoyami and Dark Shadow? Also what the hell was up with the gun?
But...that would be pushing her, again. As much as he loves learning about different powers and how they work, he'd feel like a terrible person if he demanded she tell him everything, especially right now.]
It's okay, though. I can work with what I already know.
[Shiomi has a power, manifesting some kind of large entity with incredible close-combat capabilities and at least one absolutely terrifying power of its own is part of it. He's certainly rolled with less.]
[Quietly. It isn't something she likes to talk about on her own, but she can't help but feel like she owes Deku something for what she did. Not to mention he's probably going to be thinking about it, right? And knowing that he might decide to ask about it when she's not ready for it seems even worse than just ripping the bandaid off now.]
If you want. I dunno how much you figured out already.
Some? It seems similar to one of my classmate's Quirks, but...
[He has no idea by how much. He's seen much more of Dark Shadow in many more kinds of situations, after all. And shared a dorm with it; he and Tokoyami are on the same floor, after all.]
I could describe what it seems like to me and you could tell me if I got anything important wrong? If...if that's okay with you?
[Yeah, that sounds easier, if a little scary to actually hear what it looks like from the outside if you don't know. It's been such a long time since she hasn't known what all this is that maybe the outside perspective will do some good. Or at the very least, mean she won't have to explain as much as she's afraid of.]
Edited 2023-06-30 00:16 (UTC)
I am so sorry for how long it took to make this not be The Longest Tag
[He nods, almost as much to himself as to her. He's used to analyzing powers blind, but it's rare he ever presents his guesses and observations to the owner of said power for corrections. He wants to make sure he words everything exactly right.]
Well...it's obviously centered around that being. ["I lost control of my--"] Persona? It's separate from you, and it has its own abilities, but you have some amount of control over it.
[Like Tokoyami and his Quirk. But is it less independent than Dark Shadow, or more? It wasn't as talkative, at least. Then again, it wasn't physically connected to Shiomi the way Dark Shadow is to Tokoyami. Plus Dark Shadow's abilities are limited to what it can do as a result of its status as a living shadow, while the "Persona" had and knew how to use at least one weapon.
And that...exploding laser nightmare thing.
He has SO MANY QUESTIONS but he is trying to be good--!]
[It's a lot easier to answer questions than it is to just try to explain everything in one go. It's at least easier to correct instead of just come out and say, anyway. Keeping her chin resting on her folded knees, she gazes out over town.]
Thanatos isn't separate from me. He is me. Or a part of my soul, at least. [She presses a hand against her heart as if she could physically feel her Personas there -- sometimes, it feels like she can.] I should have complete control over his attacks, but... I couldn't, this time. I know it's happened to people before, but never to me.
[Izuku hums thoughtfully. So less like Dark Shadow than he thought in some ways, and more like it in others. He almost wishes Tokoyami were here. He'd have much better insights into this.
He'd probably have a better idea of how talk to Shiomi about all this, too. He shifts, bringing his own knees up and pulling back his arms to rest them on top of them. He can almost hear Todoroki's voice in his head, repeating his advice from camp, but how the heck can he make his actions speak if he's just as clueless about what to do as he is with what to say?]
I don't know if I fully understand, but...essentially it's - he's, an extension of you? If so, having control of him would be the same as having control of yourself, right?
[A power that is an inherent part of oneself... Like a Quirk, but spiritual instead of physical? Which is incredible, even compared to the Quirks he's read about that do operate based on and confirm the existence of souls. Such a thing...it sounds like...]
[He's her, but he's not her at the same time. This is why she hates explaining Personas. How is she meant to explain that he's a manifestation of her very essence, her very soul? That without him, she wouldn't be who she is today? That each of her Personas do have their own will, but they're just a part of a larger whole?
She'd say Akira could explain, but honestly he seems more clueless than she does, sometimes. His Velvet Room attendant wasn't as good as Theo.
But she pauses and looks at him uncertainly, unsure if she'd heard him correctly.]
[Of course, he doesn't realize he said that last bit out loud, so for a moment he just looks at her, confused. And then it clicks.
Oh hey, the strawberry impression is back.]
Ah- sorry! I just, um, I mean your power is...well from what I understand of it it sounds fascinating? I-in a good way! It's a good thing! And I guess part of that is it sounds similar to one of my classmate's, a bit, I mean there are differences but not a lot and the biggest ones kind of remind me of other Quirks and man I really wish I spent more time reading up on Quirks with metaphysical implications I don't really know the state of the science on them that well [He's definitely rambling now. Don't worry, he'll get there, he's just got to work through the OH GOD WAS THAT THE WRONG REACTION panic first.] but even so there's enough similarities that I'm pretty sure I get it and it's just...I mean it's so...what I'm trying to say is...
[Well, he's burned through the nervous energy now, leaving just nerves. He curls in on himself a bit, wrapping his arms around his knees tightly and pulling them closer to his chest. His gaze has locked firmly onto his shoes. Is he being weird? He's probably being weird. She must be so uncomfortable now.]
...it sounds like an amazing power.
[Not the same wording, but still the same sentiment. Cool, incredible, amazing, wonderful...they all mean the same thing, when it comes to powers:
[He's rambling. He's... embarrassed? In a weird way, it almost puts her at ease, because it's just so normal for him that she can't help but want to tease him for turning as red as a strawberry and going on and on about stuff she barely understands herself.
But it's kind of heartening, even if her footing still feels uncertain. She waits until it looks like he's run out of breath before even trying to respond, trying to figure out what expression she should wear or what tone of voice she should use. It's so hard to know.]
Even though I could've killed you with it?
[Death is an inevitable part of life, she knows this, but even still, being responsible for the murder of a friend...? She'd seen what being responsible for murder had done to Shinji. If it were her, she doesn't know how she'd be able to bear it, if she even could.]
[He can't help it. Normally he's not as self-conscious about expressing his feelings on a Quirk, or power in general, but Izuku's also a bit too empathetic for his own good. To say nothing of the fact that he knows his reactions to powers can be...intense. Overbearing. Creepy. He doesn't want to make her uncomfortable with him, especially not right now.
Of all the reactions he was expecting, though, that question wasn't one of them. Yet weirdly, it's a question that's grounding. He's answered questions like that before, after all.]
Of course. A lot of powers are dangerous like that, you know. The classmate with a similar Quirk I mentioned is the same - almost all of my classmates are. Mine can be dangerous to me as well as others. That doesn't make a Quirk...a power, bad.
[Dark Shadow is exceptionally dangerous in the dark, especially if something causes Tokoyami to lose control. Kacchan could've easily killed him on accident when they were children if he hadn't worked so hard to master Explosion. Poor little Eri had accidentally Rewound her own father out of existence the moment she first awakened her Quirk, and Izuku can't even imagine the trauma that alone must have caused, even without all the horrible things that happened to her afterwards. It doesn't make their Quirks any less wonderful.
If anything, the only thing almost getting killed by an out-of-control Persona has done to Izuku's opinion of the ability is make him want to understand how it works as thoroughly as possible, just so he can help Shiomi figure out what might have caused it and what possible options exist to prevent it from happening again.]
[She rests her chin against her folded arms and looks back out over town, letting that sink in. It makes sense; even after learning what had happened with Shinji and Castor, she hadn't thought any less of him or been afraid of him losing control. She'd seen how much it had destroyed him. It's not even like she was afraid of Castor himself after that, either.
Eventually, she musters a smile as she turns her gaze back toward Izuku.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But you didn't, and you weren't trying to.
[Which matters a lot, in his book. He knows there's always a reason of some kind behind what people do, and those reasons are important for understanding what happened. Something going wrong and Shiomi not being able to fix or stop it? That's something even Izuku has experienced before, so it's not hard to empathize at all.
He shifts himself closer to her, enough to be able to put a hand on her shoulder. He's not going to tell her to not be upset, because it is an awful thing to have happen. But he could never hold it against her either.]
Everything turned out okay. That's the most important part.
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Her fingers dig into her legs as she tries to force a hollow smile for his benefit, as if to try to reassure him that everything really is okay.]
I'm glad you're okay.
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In the end he settles on rubbing a few gentle circles into her shoulder with his thumb before taking his hand back. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to push her, pushing his help on her is part of what got them into this mess. It doesn't feel right to just drop it, either, but with the way he keeps messing up...he needs to leave it up to her.]
You too. [He opens his mouth to continue, then snaps it shut - trying as hard as he can to repress the urge to to press and prod, to bluntly ask are you sure you're okay?] If...if you ever want to talk about it, o-or about anything...I'll always be ready to listen.
[It doesn't feel like enough. Any more might be too much. How is he supposed to figure out the right response when every option feels wrong?]
I just wanted you to know that.
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[She blinks a few times as she looks at him, first to his hand as he pulls it away, then back to his eyes, as if she's trying to piece together just what the heck is going on. It's not like Scott, where she'd been able to get away before he was seriously hurt, it's not like Akira where she was able to snap out of it. She could have done a lot of damage to Izuku if he hadn't been as well-trained as he is.]
How can you trust me after that?
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[And he’s certainly not going to be mad at her for something she didn’t intend to happen AND that he made worse. Besides—]
I can tell you feel bad about it, and bad enough that you wanted to apologize. And anyway, you’re my friend.
[It’s as simple as that. Izuku has…far more experience than he should with people hurting him on purpose with no remorse. More than his fair share long before he ever got close to fighting a villain of any kind. He’s got a very, VERY low tolerance for that kind of thing.
Which is exactly why he never stopped trusting Shiomi for a second. It’ll take more than an accident she clearly regrets to change that.]
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[He sounds like her. If their roles were reversed, this is exactly what she'd be saying. It's weird to be on the receiving end of that unconditional faith, so strange that she almost doesn't know what to do with it or what to say as she stares at him.
So she doesn't say anything at all. She just lets go of her knees to turn toward him and wrap her arms around him in a hug, burying her face in his chest.]
I'm sorry... [She's not crying, but there's enough emotion in her voice that maybe she doesn't have to.]
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He sits there for a moment, more out of surprise than anything, before finally moving to wrap his arms around her in return. He did decide he was going to follow her lead on what she needs. If that’s a hug, then he’s gonna give her the best one he can.]
It’s okay.
[That’s all he intended to say. He doesn’t want to tell her not to apologize, not when he knows how important that can be, even though he hasn’t felt like he needed one. But more words keep coming — words he can’t help feeling are important, that need to be when he feels the sentiment this strongly.]
Apology accepted. [And then, quietly: ] I’m not going anywhere.
[He’s here however she needs him, for as long as she needs him.]
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[Explaining is so hard. But Deku deserves answers, if he wants them. It's the least she can do for him.]
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[What kind of power is it that she has, exactly? How does it work? Are there limits? A duration? Activation conditions? How does that being come into it? Is it like Tokoyami and Dark Shadow? Also what the hell was up with the gun?
But...that would be pushing her, again. As much as he loves learning about different powers and how they work, he'd feel like a terrible person if he demanded she tell him everything, especially right now.]
It's okay, though. I can work with what I already know.
[Shiomi has a power, manifesting some kind of large entity with incredible close-combat capabilities and at least one absolutely terrifying power of its own is part of it. He's certainly rolled with less.]
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[Quietly. It isn't something she likes to talk about on her own, but she can't help but feel like she owes Deku something for what she did. Not to mention he's probably going to be thinking about it, right? And knowing that he might decide to ask about it when she's not ready for it seems even worse than just ripping the bandaid off now.]
If you want. I dunno how much you figured out already.
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[He has no idea by how much. He's seen much more of Dark Shadow in many more kinds of situations, after all. And shared a dorm with it; he and Tokoyami are on the same floor, after all.]
I could describe what it seems like to me and you could tell me if I got anything important wrong? If...if that's okay with you?
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[Yeah, that sounds easier, if a little scary to actually hear what it looks like from the outside if you don't know. It's been such a long time since she hasn't known what all this is that maybe the outside perspective will do some good. Or at the very least, mean she won't have to explain as much as she's afraid of.]
I am so sorry for how long it took to make this not be The Longest Tag
Well...it's obviously centered around that being. ["I lost control of my--"] Persona? It's separate from you, and it has its own abilities, but you have some amount of control over it.
[Like Tokoyami and his Quirk. But is it less independent than Dark Shadow, or more? It wasn't as talkative, at least. Then again, it wasn't physically connected to Shiomi the way Dark Shadow is to Tokoyami. Plus Dark Shadow's abilities are limited to what it can do as a result of its status as a living shadow, while the "Persona" had and knew how to use at least one weapon.
And that...exploding laser nightmare thing.
He has SO MANY QUESTIONS but he is trying to be good--!]
Um, am I doing okay so far?
i love it tho
[It's a lot easier to answer questions than it is to just try to explain everything in one go. It's at least easier to correct instead of just come out and say, anyway. Keeping her chin resting on her folded knees, she gazes out over town.]
Thanatos isn't separate from me. He is me. Or a part of my soul, at least. [She presses a hand against her heart as if she could physically feel her Personas there -- sometimes, it feels like she can.] I should have complete control over his attacks, but... I couldn't, this time. I know it's happened to people before, but never to me.
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He'd probably have a better idea of how talk to Shiomi about all this, too. He shifts, bringing his own knees up and pulling back his arms to rest them on top of them. He can almost hear Todoroki's voice in his head, repeating his advice from camp, but how the heck can he make his actions speak if he's just as clueless about what to do as he is with what to say?]
I don't know if I fully understand, but...essentially it's - he's, an extension of you? If so, having control of him would be the same as having control of yourself, right?
[A power that is an inherent part of oneself... Like a Quirk, but spiritual instead of physical? Which is incredible, even compared to the Quirks he's read about that do operate based on and confirm the existence of souls. Such a thing...it sounds like...]
...a wonderful power...
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[He's her, but he's not her at the same time. This is why she hates explaining Personas. How is she meant to explain that he's a manifestation of her very essence, her very soul? That without him, she wouldn't be who she is today? That each of her Personas do have their own will, but they're just a part of a larger whole?
She'd say Akira could explain, but honestly he seems more clueless than she does, sometimes. His Velvet Room attendant wasn't as good as Theo.
But she pauses and looks at him uncertainly, unsure if she'd heard him correctly.]
Sorry, what?
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Oh hey, the strawberry impression is back.]
Ah- sorry! I just, um, I mean your power is...well from what I understand of it it sounds fascinating? I-in a good way! It's a good thing! And I guess part of that is it sounds similar to one of my classmate's, a bit, I mean there are differences but not a lot and the biggest ones kind of remind me of other Quirks and man I really wish I spent more time reading up on Quirks with metaphysical implications I don't really know the state of the science on them that well [He's definitely rambling now. Don't worry, he'll get there, he's just got to work through the OH GOD WAS THAT THE WRONG REACTION panic first.] but even so there's enough similarities that I'm pretty sure I get it and it's just...I mean it's so...what I'm trying to say is...
[Well, he's burned through the nervous energy now, leaving just nerves. He curls in on himself a bit, wrapping his arms around his knees tightly and pulling them closer to his chest. His gaze has locked firmly onto his shoes. Is he being weird? He's probably being weird. She must be so uncomfortable now.]
...it sounds like an amazing power.
[Not the same wording, but still the same sentiment. Cool, incredible, amazing, wonderful...they all mean the same thing, when it comes to powers:
(
Izuku's at least a little jealous.)Izuku adores it.]
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But it's kind of heartening, even if her footing still feels uncertain. She waits until it looks like he's run out of breath before even trying to respond, trying to figure out what expression she should wear or what tone of voice she should use. It's so hard to know.]
Even though I could've killed you with it?
[Death is an inevitable part of life, she knows this, but even still, being responsible for the murder of a friend...? She'd seen what being responsible for murder had done to Shinji. If it were her, she doesn't know how she'd be able to bear it, if she even could.]
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Of all the reactions he was expecting, though, that question wasn't one of them. Yet weirdly, it's a question that's grounding. He's answered questions like that before, after all.]
Of course. A lot of powers are dangerous like that, you know. The classmate with a similar Quirk I mentioned is the same - almost all of my classmates are. Mine can be dangerous to me as well as others. That doesn't make a Quirk...a power, bad.
[Dark Shadow is exceptionally dangerous in the dark, especially if something causes Tokoyami to lose control. Kacchan could've easily killed him on accident when they were children if he hadn't worked so hard to master Explosion. Poor little Eri had accidentally Rewound her own father out of existence the moment she first awakened her Quirk, and Izuku can't even imagine the trauma that alone must have caused, even without all the horrible things that happened to her afterwards. It doesn't make their Quirks any less wonderful.
If anything, the only thing almost getting killed by an out-of-control Persona has done to Izuku's opinion of the ability is make him want to understand how it works as thoroughly as possible, just so he can help Shiomi figure out what might have caused it and what possible options exist to prevent it from happening again.]
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[She rests her chin against her folded arms and looks back out over town, letting that sink in. It makes sense; even after learning what had happened with Shinji and Castor, she hadn't thought any less of him or been afraid of him losing control. She'd seen how much it had destroyed him. It's not even like she was afraid of Castor himself after that, either.
Eventually, she musters a smile as she turns her gaze back toward Izuku.]
Thanks. You're a really good guy, Midoriya-kun.