[Is this a test? It feels like a test. He even said "assessment" and not "opinion." But okay, she closes her eyes to listen, tapping her foot gently to the music. Musically, it's a little bit repetitive, almost calming in its easy beat. It'd be nice for a romance dance, she thinks, the kind where you just put your arms around someone and just sway back and forth.
The lyrics are interesting, too. Second-guessing decisions, staying true to oneself, following through... it reminds her of Goro in a way she doesn't know how to explain just yet, a kind of resonance with Melchizedek that she can feel more than articulate. Her lips quirk up at the final line what matters most is how you bring joy to life, so...]
I like it! [she announces finally when it's over, dragging a fingernail idly up the side of her glass as she thinks about her "assessment."] About resolution, standing by your own choices even if you don't know if they're right or not. Like, she's singing about being alone, but she's also singing to someone. It actually reminds me of a song I have...
[She taps her headphones. Somebody once said Burn My Dead, babe.]
[Leaning forward Akechi crosses his legs, and rest his chin on the hand as he observes her. He does look rather pleased with her answer, nodding at her.]
Not bad, Shiomi-san. I have to say that I agree with you. Life is unfair to most of us, leaving some with no other than 'bad' options to choose from. In cases like those I believe it's important to stick to your guns and follow your guts, not allowing your resolution to shake even at the face of uncertainty. A mature song, and I feel like the singer really knew how to capture the meaning behind of it.
[He takes another drink and looks down at her headphones.] Really? Which song is that?
[Her smile is small and a little lopsided. That really does describe the life of a Persona-user, huh? Sometimes there's only the lesser of two evils to choose from, and one can only make the best of a bad situation.
Her eyes brighten a little with humor as she scrolls through the MP3 player hanging on its lanyard around her neck, turning it a few seconds later to show the track name scrolling along its very-early-2000s display -- Burn My Dread.]
Wanna listen? It's not jazz, though. [She holds up one of her headphones with her other hand. He'll have to scoot closer so they can share, but she doesn't mind!]
Hm. [He peers at the player with a curious eyes, recognizing the model. Oh, how cute. He thinks to himself while looking at her retro tech. Well, she had said to be from 2009.]
I don't mind. I told you that my work required me to keep track of the trends, music included. [He reaches to press 'pause' on the record player, and moves his chair closer to her. The whole set up kinda reminds him from their time at the party, where she had so boldly just decided share the chair with him. Well, at least they're not that close this time, shoulders and knees barely bumping to each other.
After settling down he takes the offered headphone, placing it on his ear.]
[She smiles at him coming into her personal space of his own free will -- she'd have moved if he hadn't, but it's nice to see him take the imitative -- and sets her other headphone on her ear so they can listen together. Oh, but first!]
I want to hear your assessment, too. [It's said with a bit of a teasing lilt to her voice, because yeah, she is genuinely interested in his opinion, but also she's making fun of him.
As she hits play, she starts drumming her fingers gently against the glass. It's a familiar song, after all, and one of her favorites! And it's not like she can add more music to her MP3 player these days, so she's been listening to these same songs for the past few months.]
[Look! For scenario like this it's not that much of a big deal. He can feel the warmth radiating off her body just as her own, characteristic scent mixed with faint floral fragrance travels to his nostrils. But it's nothing he can't handle. He had to sit tight and close to others in Monabus while traversing through Mementos with the Phantom Thieves.
The comment only earns a smirk from him, because yeah. He can tell that she's poking at him verbally, but whatever! And with that he focuses on the music, listening carefully the lyrics and beat. Yeah.. It's an old song, he can tell. Not really something you'd hear them play in radio. Once the song is over he removes the headphone and returns it to her.]
Was this popular in your time? Can't say that I've heard anything like this in a long time, but that being said. [Akechi leans back, taking another sip out of his drink as if he's trying to piece together his thoughts.] I believe it tackles the questions of existentialism. Coming to terms with one's mortality and finding strength from it, knowing that despite everything you have lived your life proudly.
[He can't help but laugh a little.] I can see why you'd like this one.
[Really, it just reminds her how grateful she is to Fuuka for building these high quality headphones for her. Even if the music is a little old by most people's standards, the sound is still good.
She gives him a pleased smile as she takes a sip from her own drink, not bothering to move away. Considering how often she breaches other people's personal space, something like this is hardly a big deal to her. But she just nods at his summary, a little pleased.]
Yeah. D'you think your singer, [she nods toward the record player,] was referencing this song? They're kind of similar, I think.
[She bumps his shoulder companionably.] Fits both of us, huh?
Could be. There is an overlapping theme and it wouldn't be the first time an artist uses an intertextuality as a tool in their writing. [Everyone has their own muses and inspirations and so on.
The grin on his face slowly fades away, turning from the playful one to more thoughtful one. He hums quietly at the question and allows a brief, but meaningful silence to fall between them -- filling in the tiniest cracks between them.]
What do you think of this place, Kotone. [Yes, first names again. This time intentionally. He had asked the same question from Akira when he had just arrived, but his 'leader' couldn't seem to be able to follow his thoughts on the matter. And why he found it all so difficult.] Is it a home? A second-chance?
[Oooh he gets good grades in his literature classes, huh? She grins at him a little, but nods in agreement.
She'll let him have the silence, though, recognizing it as thoughtful and not awkward. The gentle clinking of ice brings her attention back to the glass, and she takes another sip while waiting for him to say whatever it is he's thinking about.
The use of her name again brings a hint of a smile back to her lips, but she doesn't call attention to it. She just hums, letting him know that she'd heard his question, but now she's the one taking her time to mull it over. What is this place...? She can already guess that neither of those options are what Goro thinks of it personally, which immediately renders them as wrong answers. She runs her fingers up and down the side of the glass, collecting the condensation, before answering with a thoughtful,]
I don't know. Would it sound too dramatic to say purgatory? [She's only half-joking as she glances to him, lips still curved into that small smile.] I don't really think it's permanent. More like we're being held, waiting for something.
[Girl, he gets good grades in All of his classes. Overachieving and all that.
The expression Akechi wears is more somber one as he observes Kotone under his eyelashes. There are really no wrong or right answers here. He can see why someone in their situation would be overjoyed with the state of things. A new chance at life, clean slate where to start anew. Akechi, of course, thinks such way of thinking to be naive one. He's way too jaded for that.. Kotone might not be like him but surely, she understands.]
I believe you are most likely correct with that assumption. Some of us 'Chosen' have already disappeared. Maybe they've moved on? [But then again.. Akira and Sumire aren't dead. Or at least they shouldn't be. And he'd rather not to think the what-ifs on this matter.] If I remember correctly, you said you had accepted death as well when choosing to fight Nyx. Do you feel [What's the word he's looking here] content to be alive again? Or happy?
[It's said simply. There's no trace of regret in her voice; she's merely stating a fact. She takes a final sip of her drink and sets it down, folding her hands in her lap and gently rotating the faintly glowing ring on her finger.]
Every minute I had after that battle was borrowed time, but I'd made a promise to my team that we'd meet again on the rooftop during graduation. It was... hard, really hard, but I kept going. I just had to make it to then, and then I could finally rest. I was really close, I think.
[Her voice is curiously distant, as if she's describing events that had happened to someone else, but her smile doesn't fade.]
This is just... extending that. Sometimes, I still feel like I'm dying. Especially close to midnight. [She tilts her head, turning that smile on Goro, and he can maybe get a sense of how resigned she is, how weary she really, truly is under all of her usual energy.] I'm really tired. But if I just stayed in my room and slept until my "sentencing" or whatever... that feels really disrespectful to the people who did suffer or die so I could get as far as I did. So I want to enjoy however much time I have left.
[Her eyes brighten, just a little.] Maybe I'll die tomorrow. But at least I won't feel like I've wasted my time.
So, their situations were more different than what he had thought. From what she's saying makes it sound like she was spirited away here just a moments prior her death, leaving her lingering somewhere in the between. It must be tough, no doubt. Especially when she put up such energetic mask out every time she went out, hiding her exhaustion and pain. All too understandable. ]
I see your duplicity. [A 'crime' that she's continuing, even here. Well, it's not like Akechi wasn't doing the same.] You didn't answer my question, though.
[She huffs a small laugh. Is he joking? Is that really what her crime is? That can't be it.
...Can it? Huh. Something to think about, as it looks like a few things slotted into place for her. But Goro had asked a question; she thought she'd answered it well enough, but apparently he wants something more direct.
So she shrugs.]
I guess so. I thought I'd never see Aragaki-senpai again, so even that's a lot more than I could ever have hoped for. Besides, I'd never have met you.
[She tilts her head to give him another smile. As much of a jerk as he can be, she's still happy to have met him.]
[Her laughter earns a small, subtle smile from Akechi. The corners of his lips tugging upwards just enough to make him look softer than earlier.]
Yes. But I believe it is an encounter you could have went on without having. [Look, there are plenty of other jerks to meet and choose from.
But what it's worth, he means it. Despite the moments like these, he really doesn't think that there's much value in their.. relationship, whatever it is (it's friendship, but he's still too stubborn to admit it). Not to her at least, especially when considering all the distress he's brought to her. He might've not hurt or ruined her the same way he did with Akira and other Phantom Thieves, at least yet, but he knows who he is. And what he does to people.]
I suppose you could say that this is my 'third-chance'. I was brought back before, but that time I was just being held as prisoner just like everyone else. [He exhales deeply through his mouth, placing his own drink right next to the untouched snack bowl.] I don't really see this place any different to that.
[Like, sure, has he enriched her life for the better? Hard to say as of yet. But he hasn't made it worse, either. Even the whole... thing with Dazai hadn't colored that too much.
Besides. He'd have to work really, really hard to do worse to her than some of her other social links.
But she hums softly to let him speak, picking her drink back up and taking a sip as he explains. So he actually died -- was brought back -- was brought here. That-]
Sounds exhausting, [she remarks, with another little smile. It fades a little as she studies his face, then she shrugs one shoulder.]
Even if it's a prison, it's kind of what you make of it, right? I like to think of it, like... if we're being held captive, most prisoners aren't supposed to enjoy their time, right? It feels kind of good to do the opposite of what we're supposed to, in that case.
i feel like we should slam CW for death talk here???
[Oh, it's exhausting alright. Just like Kotone Akechi is so, so, so weary. With him it doesn't appear as physical exhaustion but as a mental fatigue. He's constantly stressed, tight like a violin's wire. Who knows, maybe it's because of that his body is so eager to look for an escape from its anxious state, and relaxing whenever Akira shows up behind his door, looking stupid like always. It's been much harder to deny the comfort himself.
He's just that tired. It's also why he welcomed the violent encounter with Dazai with open arms. Destruction of body worked as an escapism of sorts.
Though her last assertion earns a humorless laughter for him. Oh Kotone, you sweet summer child.]
Hah. Oh, that was exactly of what the last person wanted. He created a whole different reality for us where we could be happy without having to be weighted down our pasts. All our choices, were they bad or good, were changed to reflect his own imagine. What he thought would make us happy. [He scoffs the last sentence out, bitter vitriol slipping to his tone.] I was brought back for Akira, because he's an idiot who can't let go of others. The purpose of my presence was to tempt him to stay in that fake reality. The madman didn't think he'd have guts to pull a trigger on me.
[She hums, not out of disinterest, but again to show that she's listening as she shifts in her chair to turn more fully toward him. Her finger comes back to that ring in reassuring habit she'd picked up since losing control of Thanatos as she thinks about the idea of someone creating a reality just to make people happy.
It sounds kind of nice. But it also sounds suspiciously close to Apathy Syndrome. Robbing people of the ability to make their own choices. In her case, it had been just a complete lack of feeling. In his, it had been overwriting their own feelings. Whatever god or god-like being had done that, she'd be fighting it, just the same.
Being brought back just as someone's memory... it sounds like hell. She can't imagine it.]
You're afraid it's something like that now? [she asks quietly, tilting her head.] That you're only here for Akira's sake?
[Akechi shakes his head and brings his hands to massage the brink of his nose. He shifts on his own seat a little, to keep the small gap between them]
Ah no. I was here before him, remember? So I doubt that's the case here. [But the feeling still stays, that by giving in now would just mean that they're fulfilling Maruki's bullshit fantasy of happy ending and whatnot. ] But like I said before, dying was my own choice. I was robbed of it back then and I'm being robbed of it right now. Surely you understand why I can't view this world through the same lenses as you.
[Because again, the only way he can prove that he still has control over his own agency is to fight. Fight against whatever it is keeping them here and try find a way back to their own reality.]
Actually, I think you if anyone could understand. [Hadn't she, too, just recently become tool for someone else's agency? Granted, it had been weird monster rather than a lunatic with a god complex, but the sentiment is the same.]
Edited (SPOTTED A TYPO) 2023-06-08 03:39 (UTC)
adding in cw for suicide ideation boy this is a proper p3 social link now
[She frowns, wrapping both hands around her glass and gently tapping her fingernails against it. It's not that she disagrees, exactly -- the feeling that things have been out of her control had dogged her for months before she'd even arrived here. It had almost become normal, to accept that they'd be constantly fighting for their own autonomy.
But even still, she can't quite agree, either. She tilts her head to ask a quiet, non-judgmental question.]
Do you want to die? [She holds up a hand. Don't answer immediately. Think about it first, because clearly the desire isn't so strong that he's taking action to correct it.] I mean, do you not want to be alive anymore?
[A heavy sigh escapes from him, his whole body moving along it. No, this wasn't why he had called her here. This all somehow takes him back to that snowy evening in Leblanc after the closing hours. It's the same but different, this time there wasn't the fate of the world at the hand, just his own life.
The fact is that Goro Akechi has never felt that much of attachment to life in general. It had been doomed one at his birth anyway. There hadn't been anything for him to lose, which is why it had been easy to dedicate his life to revenge and hatred. He hadn't really cared what would've become of him after dealing Shido.
So, does he want to die? No, not really. But does he want to stay alive? That's... The pickle here.]
No. I'm not suicidal. [He answers, leaning his cheek against his fingers, index finger tapping on his cheekbone.] At least not in the way your friend is.
But there are times when act of living isn't as easy as dying.
[Oh. That's good, at least. Trying to help Dazai constantly have a reason to keep existing is hard enough; she'd rather not add Goro to that list, too.
One corner of her lip quirks up in something that's not quite a smile, but she nods.]
Yeah. I get that. [She really, really does. It would be so much easier if she could finally just rest, like she'd resigned herself to months ago, instead of just waiting for the end yet again. It feels like she's been waiting for the end since December. Maybe even since before then, before she could even put concrete words to the feeling.
But she reaches out and gently touches his shoulder, just once. He's not as tactile as Akira, so she won't try to hold his hand, but just a little touch to reassure him that she's here and listening.]
Maybe continuing to make your own choices for yourself while you're still alive is enough. Good or bad. [She draws her hand back and shrugs, nodding toward the record player.] Bringing joy to life, and all that.
[The touch on his shoulder makes him stiffen a little, but at least he doesn't try to move away from it or push her away. It takes a few beats before he relaxes again, eyes firmly focusing on her hand. It looks small and dainty, just like rest of her. Small but strong.
He then looks back at the record player, offering her a humorless smile.]
Hm. Maybe. [If it were just that simple. These fleeting moments of being content and satisfied are hardly enough of a reason to keep on going.]
My choice is to fight, and figure out how to return back to my own reality. Having a life granted by someone else's mercy can't bring me joy. But meanwhile.
[He reaches his hand out to press the play on the record, turning the music back on.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Is this a test? It feels like a test. He even said "assessment" and not "opinion." But okay, she closes her eyes to listen, tapping her foot gently to the music. Musically, it's a little bit repetitive, almost calming in its easy beat. It'd be nice for a romance dance, she thinks, the kind where you just put your arms around someone and just sway back and forth.
The lyrics are interesting, too. Second-guessing decisions, staying true to oneself, following through... it reminds her of Goro in a way she doesn't know how to explain just yet, a kind of resonance with Melchizedek that she can feel more than articulate. Her lips quirk up at the final line what matters most is how you bring joy to life, so...]
I like it! [she announces finally when it's over, dragging a fingernail idly up the side of her glass as she thinks about her "assessment."] About resolution, standing by your own choices even if you don't know if they're right or not. Like, she's singing about being alone, but she's also singing to someone. It actually reminds me of a song I have...
[She taps her headphones. Somebody once said Burn My Dead, babe.]
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Not bad, Shiomi-san. I have to say that I agree with you. Life is unfair to most of us, leaving some with no other than 'bad' options to choose from. In cases like those I believe it's important to stick to your guns and follow your guts, not allowing your resolution to shake even at the face of uncertainty. A mature song, and I feel like the singer really knew how to capture the meaning behind of it.
[He takes another drink and looks down at her headphones.] Really? Which song is that?
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[Her smile is small and a little lopsided. That really does describe the life of a Persona-user, huh? Sometimes there's only the lesser of two evils to choose from, and one can only make the best of a bad situation.
Her eyes brighten a little with humor as she scrolls through the MP3 player hanging on its lanyard around her neck, turning it a few seconds later to show the track name scrolling along its very-early-2000s display -- Burn My Dread.]
Wanna listen? It's not jazz, though. [She holds up one of her headphones with her other hand. He'll have to scoot closer so they can share, but she doesn't mind!]
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I don't mind. I told you that my work required me to keep track of the trends, music included. [He reaches to press 'pause' on the record player, and moves his chair closer to her. The whole set up kinda reminds him from their time at the party, where she had so boldly just decided share the chair with him. Well, at least they're not that close this time, shoulders and knees barely bumping to each other.
After settling down he takes the offered headphone, placing it on his ear.]
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I want to hear your assessment, too. [It's said with a bit of a teasing lilt to her voice, because yeah, she is genuinely interested in his opinion, but also she's making fun of him.
As she hits play, she starts drumming her fingers gently against the glass. It's a familiar song, after all, and one of her favorites! And it's not like she can add more music to her MP3 player these days, so she's been listening to these same songs for the past few months.]
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The comment only earns a smirk from him, because yeah. He can tell that she's poking at him verbally, but whatever! And with that he focuses on the music, listening carefully the lyrics and beat. Yeah.. It's an old song, he can tell. Not really something you'd hear them play in radio. Once the song is over he removes the headphone and returns it to her.]
Was this popular in your time? Can't say that I've heard anything like this in a long time, but that being said. [Akechi leans back, taking another sip out of his drink as if he's trying to piece together his thoughts.] I believe it tackles the questions of existentialism. Coming to terms with one's mortality and finding strength from it, knowing that despite everything you have lived your life proudly.
[He can't help but laugh a little.] I can see why you'd like this one.
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She gives him a pleased smile as she takes a sip from her own drink, not bothering to move away. Considering how often she breaches other people's personal space, something like this is hardly a big deal to her. But she just nods at his summary, a little pleased.]
Yeah. D'you think your singer, [she nods toward the record player,] was referencing this song? They're kind of similar, I think.
[She bumps his shoulder companionably.] Fits both of us, huh?
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The grin on his face slowly fades away, turning from the playful one to more thoughtful one. He hums quietly at the question and allows a brief, but meaningful silence to fall between them -- filling in the tiniest cracks between them.]
What do you think of this place, Kotone. [Yes, first names again. This time intentionally. He had asked the same question from Akira when he had just arrived, but his 'leader' couldn't seem to be able to follow his thoughts on the matter. And why he found it all so difficult.] Is it a home? A second-chance?
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She'll let him have the silence, though, recognizing it as thoughtful and not awkward. The gentle clinking of ice brings her attention back to the glass, and she takes another sip while waiting for him to say whatever it is he's thinking about.
The use of her name again brings a hint of a smile back to her lips, but she doesn't call attention to it. She just hums, letting him know that she'd heard his question, but now she's the one taking her time to mull it over. What is this place...? She can already guess that neither of those options are what Goro thinks of it personally, which immediately renders them as wrong answers. She runs her fingers up and down the side of the glass, collecting the condensation, before answering with a thoughtful,]
I don't know. Would it sound too dramatic to say purgatory? [She's only half-joking as she glances to him, lips still curved into that small smile.] I don't really think it's permanent. More like we're being held, waiting for something.
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The expression Akechi wears is more somber one as he observes Kotone under his eyelashes. There are really no wrong or right answers here. He can see why someone in their situation would be overjoyed with the state of things. A new chance at life, clean slate where to start anew. Akechi, of course, thinks such way of thinking to be naive one. He's way too jaded for that.. Kotone might not be like him but surely, she understands.]
I believe you are most likely correct with that assumption. Some of us 'Chosen' have already disappeared. Maybe they've moved on? [But then again.. Akira and Sumire aren't dead. Or at least they shouldn't be. And he'd rather not to think the what-ifs on this matter.] If I remember correctly, you said you had accepted death as well when choosing to fight Nyx. Do you feel [What's the word he's looking here] content to be alive again? Or happy?
no subject
[It's said simply. There's no trace of regret in her voice; she's merely stating a fact. She takes a final sip of her drink and sets it down, folding her hands in her lap and gently rotating the faintly glowing ring on her finger.]
Every minute I had after that battle was borrowed time, but I'd made a promise to my team that we'd meet again on the rooftop during graduation. It was... hard, really hard, but I kept going. I just had to make it to then, and then I could finally rest. I was really close, I think.
[Her voice is curiously distant, as if she's describing events that had happened to someone else, but her smile doesn't fade.]
This is just... extending that. Sometimes, I still feel like I'm dying. Especially close to midnight. [She tilts her head, turning that smile on Goro, and he can maybe get a sense of how resigned she is, how weary she really, truly is under all of her usual energy.] I'm really tired. But if I just stayed in my room and slept until my "sentencing" or whatever... that feels really disrespectful to the people who did suffer or die so I could get as far as I did. So I want to enjoy however much time I have left.
[Her eyes brighten, just a little.] Maybe I'll die tomorrow. But at least I won't feel like I've wasted my time.
no subject
So, their situations were more different than what he had thought. From what she's saying makes it sound like she was spirited away here just a moments prior her death, leaving her lingering somewhere in the between. It must be tough, no doubt. Especially when she put up such energetic mask out every time she went out, hiding her exhaustion and pain. All too understandable. ]
I see your duplicity. [A 'crime' that she's continuing, even here. Well, it's not like Akechi wasn't doing the same.] You didn't answer my question, though.
no subject
...Can it? Huh. Something to think about, as it looks like a few things slotted into place for her. But Goro had asked a question; she thought she'd answered it well enough, but apparently he wants something more direct.
So she shrugs.]
I guess so. I thought I'd never see Aragaki-senpai again, so even that's a lot more than I could ever have hoped for. Besides, I'd never have met you.
[She tilts her head to give him another smile. As much of a jerk as he can be, she's still happy to have met him.]
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Yes. But I believe it is an encounter you could have went on without having. [Look, there are plenty of other jerks to meet and choose from.
But what it's worth, he means it. Despite the moments like these, he really doesn't think that there's much value in their.. relationship, whatever it is (it's friendship, but he's still too stubborn to admit it). Not to her at least, especially when considering all the distress he's brought to her. He might've not hurt or ruined her the same way he did with Akira and other Phantom Thieves, at least yet, but he knows who he is. And what he does to people.]
I suppose you could say that this is my 'third-chance'. I was brought back before, but that time I was just being held as prisoner just like everyone else. [He exhales deeply through his mouth, placing his own drink right next to the untouched snack bowl.] I don't really see this place any different to that.
no subject
[Like, sure, has he enriched her life for the better? Hard to say as of yet. But he hasn't made it worse, either. Even the whole... thing with Dazai hadn't colored that too much.
Besides. He'd have to work really, really hard to do worse to her than some of her other social links.
But she hums softly to let him speak, picking her drink back up and taking a sip as he explains. So he actually died -- was brought back -- was brought here. That-]
Sounds exhausting, [she remarks, with another little smile. It fades a little as she studies his face, then she shrugs one shoulder.]
Even if it's a prison, it's kind of what you make of it, right? I like to think of it, like... if we're being held captive, most prisoners aren't supposed to enjoy their time, right? It feels kind of good to do the opposite of what we're supposed to, in that case.
i feel like we should slam CW for death talk here???
He's just that tired. It's also why he welcomed the violent encounter with Dazai with open arms. Destruction of body worked as an escapism of sorts.
Though her last assertion earns a humorless laughter for him. Oh Kotone, you sweet summer child.]
Hah. Oh, that was exactly of what the last person wanted. He created a whole different reality for us where we could be happy without having to be weighted down our pasts. All our choices, were they bad or good, were changed to reflect his own imagine. What he thought would make us happy. [He scoffs the last sentence out, bitter vitriol slipping to his tone.] I was brought back for Akira, because he's an idiot who can't let go of others. The purpose of my presence was to tempt him to stay in that fake reality. The madman didn't think he'd have guts to pull a trigger on me.
OH YEAH PROBABLY
[She hums, not out of disinterest, but again to show that she's listening as she shifts in her chair to turn more fully toward him. Her finger comes back to that ring in reassuring habit she'd picked up since losing control of Thanatos as she thinks about the idea of someone creating a reality just to make people happy.
It sounds kind of nice. But it also sounds suspiciously close to Apathy Syndrome. Robbing people of the ability to make their own choices. In her case, it had been just a complete lack of feeling. In his, it had been overwriting their own feelings. Whatever god or god-like being had done that, she'd be fighting it, just the same.
Being brought back just as someone's memory... it sounds like hell. She can't imagine it.]
You're afraid it's something like that now? [she asks quietly, tilting her head.] That you're only here for Akira's sake?
JUST YOUR REGULAR PERSONA STUFF !!
Ah no. I was here before him, remember? So I doubt that's the case here. [But the feeling still stays, that by giving in now would just mean that they're fulfilling Maruki's bullshit fantasy of happy ending and whatnot. ] But like I said before, dying was my own choice. I was robbed of it back then and I'm being robbed of it right now. Surely you understand why I can't view this world through the same lenses as you.
[Because again, the only way he can prove that he still has control over his own agency is to fight. Fight against whatever it is keeping them here and try find a way back to their own reality.]
Actually, I think you if anyone could understand. [Hadn't she, too, just recently become tool for someone else's agency? Granted, it had been weird monster rather than a lunatic with a god complex, but the sentiment is the same.]
adding in cw for suicide ideation boy this is a proper p3 social link now
But even still, she can't quite agree, either. She tilts her head to ask a quiet, non-judgmental question.]
Do you want to die? [She holds up a hand. Don't answer immediately. Think about it first, because clearly the desire isn't so strong that he's taking action to correct it.] I mean, do you not want to be alive anymore?
Blanket warnings for whole thing tbh
The fact is that Goro Akechi has never felt that much of attachment to life in general. It had been doomed one at his birth anyway. There hadn't been anything for him to lose, which is why it had been easy to dedicate his life to revenge and hatred. He hadn't really cared what would've become of him after dealing Shido.
So, does he want to die? No, not really. But does he want to stay alive? That's... The pickle here.]
No. I'm not suicidal. [He answers, leaning his cheek against his fingers, index finger tapping on his cheekbone.] At least not in the way your friend is.
But there are times when act of living isn't as easy as dying.
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One corner of her lip quirks up in something that's not quite a smile, but she nods.]
Yeah. I get that. [She really, really does. It would be so much easier if she could finally just rest, like she'd resigned herself to months ago, instead of just waiting for the end yet again. It feels like she's been waiting for the end since December. Maybe even since before then, before she could even put concrete words to the feeling.
But she reaches out and gently touches his shoulder, just once. He's not as tactile as Akira, so she won't try to hold his hand, but just a little touch to reassure him that she's here and listening.]
Maybe continuing to make your own choices for yourself while you're still alive is enough. Good or bad. [She draws her hand back and shrugs, nodding toward the record player.] Bringing joy to life, and all that.
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He then looks back at the record player, offering her a humorless smile.]
Hm. Maybe. [If it were just that simple. These fleeting moments of being content and satisfied are hardly enough of a reason to keep on going.]
My choice is to fight, and figure out how to return back to my own reality. Having a life granted by someone else's mercy can't bring me joy. But meanwhile.
[He reaches his hand out to press the play on the record, turning the music back on.]