[Her laughter earns a small, subtle smile from Akechi. The corners of his lips tugging upwards just enough to make him look softer than earlier.]
Yes. But I believe it is an encounter you could have went on without having. [Look, there are plenty of other jerks to meet and choose from.
But what it's worth, he means it. Despite the moments like these, he really doesn't think that there's much value in their.. relationship, whatever it is (it's friendship, but he's still too stubborn to admit it). Not to her at least, especially when considering all the distress he's brought to her. He might've not hurt or ruined her the same way he did with Akira and other Phantom Thieves, at least yet, but he knows who he is. And what he does to people.]
I suppose you could say that this is my 'third-chance'. I was brought back before, but that time I was just being held as prisoner just like everyone else. [He exhales deeply through his mouth, placing his own drink right next to the untouched snack bowl.] I don't really see this place any different to that.
[Like, sure, has he enriched her life for the better? Hard to say as of yet. But he hasn't made it worse, either. Even the whole... thing with Dazai hadn't colored that too much.
Besides. He'd have to work really, really hard to do worse to her than some of her other social links.
But she hums softly to let him speak, picking her drink back up and taking a sip as he explains. So he actually died -- was brought back -- was brought here. That-]
Sounds exhausting, [she remarks, with another little smile. It fades a little as she studies his face, then she shrugs one shoulder.]
Even if it's a prison, it's kind of what you make of it, right? I like to think of it, like... if we're being held captive, most prisoners aren't supposed to enjoy their time, right? It feels kind of good to do the opposite of what we're supposed to, in that case.
i feel like we should slam CW for death talk here???
[Oh, it's exhausting alright. Just like Kotone Akechi is so, so, so weary. With him it doesn't appear as physical exhaustion but as a mental fatigue. He's constantly stressed, tight like a violin's wire. Who knows, maybe it's because of that his body is so eager to look for an escape from its anxious state, and relaxing whenever Akira shows up behind his door, looking stupid like always. It's been much harder to deny the comfort himself.
He's just that tired. It's also why he welcomed the violent encounter with Dazai with open arms. Destruction of body worked as an escapism of sorts.
Though her last assertion earns a humorless laughter for him. Oh Kotone, you sweet summer child.]
Hah. Oh, that was exactly of what the last person wanted. He created a whole different reality for us where we could be happy without having to be weighted down our pasts. All our choices, were they bad or good, were changed to reflect his own imagine. What he thought would make us happy. [He scoffs the last sentence out, bitter vitriol slipping to his tone.] I was brought back for Akira, because he's an idiot who can't let go of others. The purpose of my presence was to tempt him to stay in that fake reality. The madman didn't think he'd have guts to pull a trigger on me.
[She hums, not out of disinterest, but again to show that she's listening as she shifts in her chair to turn more fully toward him. Her finger comes back to that ring in reassuring habit she'd picked up since losing control of Thanatos as she thinks about the idea of someone creating a reality just to make people happy.
It sounds kind of nice. But it also sounds suspiciously close to Apathy Syndrome. Robbing people of the ability to make their own choices. In her case, it had been just a complete lack of feeling. In his, it had been overwriting their own feelings. Whatever god or god-like being had done that, she'd be fighting it, just the same.
Being brought back just as someone's memory... it sounds like hell. She can't imagine it.]
You're afraid it's something like that now? [she asks quietly, tilting her head.] That you're only here for Akira's sake?
[Akechi shakes his head and brings his hands to massage the brink of his nose. He shifts on his own seat a little, to keep the small gap between them]
Ah no. I was here before him, remember? So I doubt that's the case here. [But the feeling still stays, that by giving in now would just mean that they're fulfilling Maruki's bullshit fantasy of happy ending and whatnot. ] But like I said before, dying was my own choice. I was robbed of it back then and I'm being robbed of it right now. Surely you understand why I can't view this world through the same lenses as you.
[Because again, the only way he can prove that he still has control over his own agency is to fight. Fight against whatever it is keeping them here and try find a way back to their own reality.]
Actually, I think you if anyone could understand. [Hadn't she, too, just recently become tool for someone else's agency? Granted, it had been weird monster rather than a lunatic with a god complex, but the sentiment is the same.]
Edited (SPOTTED A TYPO) 2023-06-08 03:39 (UTC)
adding in cw for suicide ideation boy this is a proper p3 social link now
[She frowns, wrapping both hands around her glass and gently tapping her fingernails against it. It's not that she disagrees, exactly -- the feeling that things have been out of her control had dogged her for months before she'd even arrived here. It had almost become normal, to accept that they'd be constantly fighting for their own autonomy.
But even still, she can't quite agree, either. She tilts her head to ask a quiet, non-judgmental question.]
Do you want to die? [She holds up a hand. Don't answer immediately. Think about it first, because clearly the desire isn't so strong that he's taking action to correct it.] I mean, do you not want to be alive anymore?
[A heavy sigh escapes from him, his whole body moving along it. No, this wasn't why he had called her here. This all somehow takes him back to that snowy evening in Leblanc after the closing hours. It's the same but different, this time there wasn't the fate of the world at the hand, just his own life.
The fact is that Goro Akechi has never felt that much of attachment to life in general. It had been doomed one at his birth anyway. There hadn't been anything for him to lose, which is why it had been easy to dedicate his life to revenge and hatred. He hadn't really cared what would've become of him after dealing Shido.
So, does he want to die? No, not really. But does he want to stay alive? That's... The pickle here.]
No. I'm not suicidal. [He answers, leaning his cheek against his fingers, index finger tapping on his cheekbone.] At least not in the way your friend is.
But there are times when act of living isn't as easy as dying.
[Oh. That's good, at least. Trying to help Dazai constantly have a reason to keep existing is hard enough; she'd rather not add Goro to that list, too.
One corner of her lip quirks up in something that's not quite a smile, but she nods.]
Yeah. I get that. [She really, really does. It would be so much easier if she could finally just rest, like she'd resigned herself to months ago, instead of just waiting for the end yet again. It feels like she's been waiting for the end since December. Maybe even since before then, before she could even put concrete words to the feeling.
But she reaches out and gently touches his shoulder, just once. He's not as tactile as Akira, so she won't try to hold his hand, but just a little touch to reassure him that she's here and listening.]
Maybe continuing to make your own choices for yourself while you're still alive is enough. Good or bad. [She draws her hand back and shrugs, nodding toward the record player.] Bringing joy to life, and all that.
[The touch on his shoulder makes him stiffen a little, but at least he doesn't try to move away from it or push her away. It takes a few beats before he relaxes again, eyes firmly focusing on her hand. It looks small and dainty, just like rest of her. Small but strong.
He then looks back at the record player, offering her a humorless smile.]
Hm. Maybe. [If it were just that simple. These fleeting moments of being content and satisfied are hardly enough of a reason to keep on going.]
My choice is to fight, and figure out how to return back to my own reality. Having a life granted by someone else's mercy can't bring me joy. But meanwhile.
[He reaches his hand out to press the play on the record, turning the music back on.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yes. But I believe it is an encounter you could have went on without having. [Look, there are plenty of other jerks to meet and choose from.
But what it's worth, he means it. Despite the moments like these, he really doesn't think that there's much value in their.. relationship, whatever it is (it's friendship, but he's still too stubborn to admit it). Not to her at least, especially when considering all the distress he's brought to her. He might've not hurt or ruined her the same way he did with Akira and other Phantom Thieves, at least yet, but he knows who he is. And what he does to people.]
I suppose you could say that this is my 'third-chance'. I was brought back before, but that time I was just being held as prisoner just like everyone else. [He exhales deeply through his mouth, placing his own drink right next to the untouched snack bowl.] I don't really see this place any different to that.
no subject
[Like, sure, has he enriched her life for the better? Hard to say as of yet. But he hasn't made it worse, either. Even the whole... thing with Dazai hadn't colored that too much.
Besides. He'd have to work really, really hard to do worse to her than some of her other social links.
But she hums softly to let him speak, picking her drink back up and taking a sip as he explains. So he actually died -- was brought back -- was brought here. That-]
Sounds exhausting, [she remarks, with another little smile. It fades a little as she studies his face, then she shrugs one shoulder.]
Even if it's a prison, it's kind of what you make of it, right? I like to think of it, like... if we're being held captive, most prisoners aren't supposed to enjoy their time, right? It feels kind of good to do the opposite of what we're supposed to, in that case.
i feel like we should slam CW for death talk here???
He's just that tired. It's also why he welcomed the violent encounter with Dazai with open arms. Destruction of body worked as an escapism of sorts.
Though her last assertion earns a humorless laughter for him. Oh Kotone, you sweet summer child.]
Hah. Oh, that was exactly of what the last person wanted. He created a whole different reality for us where we could be happy without having to be weighted down our pasts. All our choices, were they bad or good, were changed to reflect his own imagine. What he thought would make us happy. [He scoffs the last sentence out, bitter vitriol slipping to his tone.] I was brought back for Akira, because he's an idiot who can't let go of others. The purpose of my presence was to tempt him to stay in that fake reality. The madman didn't think he'd have guts to pull a trigger on me.
OH YEAH PROBABLY
[She hums, not out of disinterest, but again to show that she's listening as she shifts in her chair to turn more fully toward him. Her finger comes back to that ring in reassuring habit she'd picked up since losing control of Thanatos as she thinks about the idea of someone creating a reality just to make people happy.
It sounds kind of nice. But it also sounds suspiciously close to Apathy Syndrome. Robbing people of the ability to make their own choices. In her case, it had been just a complete lack of feeling. In his, it had been overwriting their own feelings. Whatever god or god-like being had done that, she'd be fighting it, just the same.
Being brought back just as someone's memory... it sounds like hell. She can't imagine it.]
You're afraid it's something like that now? [she asks quietly, tilting her head.] That you're only here for Akira's sake?
JUST YOUR REGULAR PERSONA STUFF !!
Ah no. I was here before him, remember? So I doubt that's the case here. [But the feeling still stays, that by giving in now would just mean that they're fulfilling Maruki's bullshit fantasy of happy ending and whatnot. ] But like I said before, dying was my own choice. I was robbed of it back then and I'm being robbed of it right now. Surely you understand why I can't view this world through the same lenses as you.
[Because again, the only way he can prove that he still has control over his own agency is to fight. Fight against whatever it is keeping them here and try find a way back to their own reality.]
Actually, I think you if anyone could understand. [Hadn't she, too, just recently become tool for someone else's agency? Granted, it had been weird monster rather than a lunatic with a god complex, but the sentiment is the same.]
adding in cw for suicide ideation boy this is a proper p3 social link now
But even still, she can't quite agree, either. She tilts her head to ask a quiet, non-judgmental question.]
Do you want to die? [She holds up a hand. Don't answer immediately. Think about it first, because clearly the desire isn't so strong that he's taking action to correct it.] I mean, do you not want to be alive anymore?
Blanket warnings for whole thing tbh
The fact is that Goro Akechi has never felt that much of attachment to life in general. It had been doomed one at his birth anyway. There hadn't been anything for him to lose, which is why it had been easy to dedicate his life to revenge and hatred. He hadn't really cared what would've become of him after dealing Shido.
So, does he want to die? No, not really. But does he want to stay alive? That's... The pickle here.]
No. I'm not suicidal. [He answers, leaning his cheek against his fingers, index finger tapping on his cheekbone.] At least not in the way your friend is.
But there are times when act of living isn't as easy as dying.
no subject
One corner of her lip quirks up in something that's not quite a smile, but she nods.]
Yeah. I get that. [She really, really does. It would be so much easier if she could finally just rest, like she'd resigned herself to months ago, instead of just waiting for the end yet again. It feels like she's been waiting for the end since December. Maybe even since before then, before she could even put concrete words to the feeling.
But she reaches out and gently touches his shoulder, just once. He's not as tactile as Akira, so she won't try to hold his hand, but just a little touch to reassure him that she's here and listening.]
Maybe continuing to make your own choices for yourself while you're still alive is enough. Good or bad. [She draws her hand back and shrugs, nodding toward the record player.] Bringing joy to life, and all that.
no subject
He then looks back at the record player, offering her a humorless smile.]
Hm. Maybe. [If it were just that simple. These fleeting moments of being content and satisfied are hardly enough of a reason to keep on going.]
My choice is to fight, and figure out how to return back to my own reality. Having a life granted by someone else's mercy can't bring me joy. But meanwhile.
[He reaches his hand out to press the play on the record, turning the music back on.]