[Akechi shakes his head and brings his hands to massage the brink of his nose. He shifts on his own seat a little, to keep the small gap between them]
Ah no. I was here before him, remember? So I doubt that's the case here. [But the feeling still stays, that by giving in now would just mean that they're fulfilling Maruki's bullshit fantasy of happy ending and whatnot. ] But like I said before, dying was my own choice. I was robbed of it back then and I'm being robbed of it right now. Surely you understand why I can't view this world through the same lenses as you.
[Because again, the only way he can prove that he still has control over his own agency is to fight. Fight against whatever it is keeping them here and try find a way back to their own reality.]
Actually, I think you if anyone could understand. [Hadn't she, too, just recently become tool for someone else's agency? Granted, it had been weird monster rather than a lunatic with a god complex, but the sentiment is the same.]
Edited (SPOTTED A TYPO) 2023-06-08 03:39 (UTC)
adding in cw for suicide ideation boy this is a proper p3 social link now
[She frowns, wrapping both hands around her glass and gently tapping her fingernails against it. It's not that she disagrees, exactly -- the feeling that things have been out of her control had dogged her for months before she'd even arrived here. It had almost become normal, to accept that they'd be constantly fighting for their own autonomy.
But even still, she can't quite agree, either. She tilts her head to ask a quiet, non-judgmental question.]
Do you want to die? [She holds up a hand. Don't answer immediately. Think about it first, because clearly the desire isn't so strong that he's taking action to correct it.] I mean, do you not want to be alive anymore?
[A heavy sigh escapes from him, his whole body moving along it. No, this wasn't why he had called her here. This all somehow takes him back to that snowy evening in Leblanc after the closing hours. It's the same but different, this time there wasn't the fate of the world at the hand, just his own life.
The fact is that Goro Akechi has never felt that much of attachment to life in general. It had been doomed one at his birth anyway. There hadn't been anything for him to lose, which is why it had been easy to dedicate his life to revenge and hatred. He hadn't really cared what would've become of him after dealing Shido.
So, does he want to die? No, not really. But does he want to stay alive? That's... The pickle here.]
No. I'm not suicidal. [He answers, leaning his cheek against his fingers, index finger tapping on his cheekbone.] At least not in the way your friend is.
But there are times when act of living isn't as easy as dying.
[Oh. That's good, at least. Trying to help Dazai constantly have a reason to keep existing is hard enough; she'd rather not add Goro to that list, too.
One corner of her lip quirks up in something that's not quite a smile, but she nods.]
Yeah. I get that. [She really, really does. It would be so much easier if she could finally just rest, like she'd resigned herself to months ago, instead of just waiting for the end yet again. It feels like she's been waiting for the end since December. Maybe even since before then, before she could even put concrete words to the feeling.
But she reaches out and gently touches his shoulder, just once. He's not as tactile as Akira, so she won't try to hold his hand, but just a little touch to reassure him that she's here and listening.]
Maybe continuing to make your own choices for yourself while you're still alive is enough. Good or bad. [She draws her hand back and shrugs, nodding toward the record player.] Bringing joy to life, and all that.
[The touch on his shoulder makes him stiffen a little, but at least he doesn't try to move away from it or push her away. It takes a few beats before he relaxes again, eyes firmly focusing on her hand. It looks small and dainty, just like rest of her. Small but strong.
He then looks back at the record player, offering her a humorless smile.]
Hm. Maybe. [If it were just that simple. These fleeting moments of being content and satisfied are hardly enough of a reason to keep on going.]
My choice is to fight, and figure out how to return back to my own reality. Having a life granted by someone else's mercy can't bring me joy. But meanwhile.
[He reaches his hand out to press the play on the record, turning the music back on.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
JUST YOUR REGULAR PERSONA STUFF !!
Ah no. I was here before him, remember? So I doubt that's the case here. [But the feeling still stays, that by giving in now would just mean that they're fulfilling Maruki's bullshit fantasy of happy ending and whatnot. ] But like I said before, dying was my own choice. I was robbed of it back then and I'm being robbed of it right now. Surely you understand why I can't view this world through the same lenses as you.
[Because again, the only way he can prove that he still has control over his own agency is to fight. Fight against whatever it is keeping them here and try find a way back to their own reality.]
Actually, I think you if anyone could understand. [Hadn't she, too, just recently become tool for someone else's agency? Granted, it had been weird monster rather than a lunatic with a god complex, but the sentiment is the same.]
adding in cw for suicide ideation boy this is a proper p3 social link now
But even still, she can't quite agree, either. She tilts her head to ask a quiet, non-judgmental question.]
Do you want to die? [She holds up a hand. Don't answer immediately. Think about it first, because clearly the desire isn't so strong that he's taking action to correct it.] I mean, do you not want to be alive anymore?
Blanket warnings for whole thing tbh
The fact is that Goro Akechi has never felt that much of attachment to life in general. It had been doomed one at his birth anyway. There hadn't been anything for him to lose, which is why it had been easy to dedicate his life to revenge and hatred. He hadn't really cared what would've become of him after dealing Shido.
So, does he want to die? No, not really. But does he want to stay alive? That's... The pickle here.]
No. I'm not suicidal. [He answers, leaning his cheek against his fingers, index finger tapping on his cheekbone.] At least not in the way your friend is.
But there are times when act of living isn't as easy as dying.
no subject
One corner of her lip quirks up in something that's not quite a smile, but she nods.]
Yeah. I get that. [She really, really does. It would be so much easier if she could finally just rest, like she'd resigned herself to months ago, instead of just waiting for the end yet again. It feels like she's been waiting for the end since December. Maybe even since before then, before she could even put concrete words to the feeling.
But she reaches out and gently touches his shoulder, just once. He's not as tactile as Akira, so she won't try to hold his hand, but just a little touch to reassure him that she's here and listening.]
Maybe continuing to make your own choices for yourself while you're still alive is enough. Good or bad. [She draws her hand back and shrugs, nodding toward the record player.] Bringing joy to life, and all that.
no subject
He then looks back at the record player, offering her a humorless smile.]
Hm. Maybe. [If it were just that simple. These fleeting moments of being content and satisfied are hardly enough of a reason to keep on going.]
My choice is to fight, and figure out how to return back to my own reality. Having a life granted by someone else's mercy can't bring me joy. But meanwhile.
[He reaches his hand out to press the play on the record, turning the music back on.]