[When you have a supernatural power all your life, you start to underestimate the gulf of power between yourself and others. Chuuya had thought it wasn't possible for his friends, his family to turn on him, but fear? Fear made people stupid.
He likes to think he's a better leader now, reliable. But it was only because he learned through error.] Help doesn't really make it less of a talent, in my opinion. You can give someone all the advice you like, but unless they are willing to listen and put it into practice, they're never gonna learn. You? You can handle me and Dazai in the same room, and hold a conversation. There are mafioso who can't do that. Just 'cause a guy wants to make his own life harder by taunting the demon prodigy doesn't mean you're bad at anything.
[Which. is frankly a skill in and of itself. Chuuya knows they freak people out, okay, he's heard enough of that from pretty much everyone in his life. He makes a quiet noise of consideration at her words, hand stroking through her hair again before pulling back, just a little, to look her in the eyes with a smile.] I don't think you're lacking, as a friend and a person.
...But wanting to grow? That's understandable. There's always stuff to learn, I think. What do you think you need? And I'm not talking about helping other people here either. I'm asking what you think you need to be content with yourself.
[Sometimes, you needs a goal, a purpose to keep going steady. It's something he can relate to keenly.]
[Maybe that's one of the differences, then. She only had her powers for less than a year. Well, Death had been locked inside her for the past ten, but -- well, she hadn't known that until a few months ago.
But she makes a bit of a face. Of course she can handle Dazai and Chuuya in the same room. They hadn't done anything bad to each other, or to her. It had just been normal bickering for the most part. But it means something when he says it; she doesn't think Chuuya would just give her empty words to feel better.
So when he says that he doesn't think she's lacking, she believes it. Her face screws up a little, like she might cry, but frustratingly, she still can't figure out how to manage it. Maybe she'd feel better if she could.]
That's a hard question. [Her voice is a mumble, and she can't quite meet his eyes as she retreats inward, trying to think about what she wants, outside of anyone else's desires. If she isn't helping people, who is she?] I just... want to be someone people can rely on.
[That look on her face, like she might cry any moment now but can't quite tip over the edge, breaks Chuuya's heart a little. It reminds him of Dazai just a little, and he wonders if that's what helped the two of them mesh so well in the beginning.
There are people who could probably better answer Kotone's question, in truth. Chuuya took pride in his own free will, but he's still someone who puts the needs of others before himself almost always, a habit ingrained from childhood to a somewhat unhealthy degree. And Dazai? Dazai was clinging to a promise he made to a dead man as a lifeline, a guidepost in the dark.
Suffice it to say, neither of them were great sources of advice there. He pats her head a little bit more as she mulls his question over, silent but steady support.] And what does that look like to you? What do you think you need to become that person? You're already pretty reliable in my opinion, so you clearly have something specific in mind.
[Truthfully, someone less fucked up would probably tell Kotone there was no need to focus on that at her age. But Chuuya remembers being her age, pushing his limits to rise higher and higher, for his own desires and to protect what mattered to him.] Is it Power? Learning? Connections? There are a lot of things people can rely on a person for. In what way do you want to be reliable, and why?
[She closes her eyes, really trying to think about the options Chuuya's laying out. He says she's reliable, but that can't really be true, can it? She can't imagine what Chuuya could possibly be relying on her for.
No, power isn't quite right. Not connections, either, and not learning. Maybe some part of all of those, but not in its entirety. Or maybe it's that--]
All of those? [she ventures uncertainly, then shakes her head. No, that's not right. What is it that she wants?]
I want to be... whatever anyone needs, I think. I want to protect people and support them, be someone they can talk to and trust. Someone who can help my friends with anything, no matter what.
[Hm... It's... telling, that what Kotone wants is to be helpful to others, but it's a very vague, expansive want as well. To want to be what everyone, anyone needs, at any given moment, is something he can hear Kouyou's voice chiding him for in his head.
But how to explain that? How to even draw lines from that desire, when he's still the kind of person who struggles with it as well? He's not equipped for that.
What he can do for her, though, is--] Alright. That isn't a lot of direction, but I think I can help you learn some things, at least. I remember that naginata you had... you a martial artist?
[Funnily enough, it's something she'd talked to Dazai about before as well -- who is she, if she's not helping others? Part of having the potential to awaken dozens of different Personas was being able to switch her face at will, be whatever anyone needed her to be. Here, it doesn't feel like she's enough.
She huffs humorlessly through her nose at the question and shakes her head.]
Not really. I mean, I can use it, but I don't have any formal training or anything.
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He likes to think he's a better leader now, reliable. But it was only because he learned through error.] Help doesn't really make it less of a talent, in my opinion. You can give someone all the advice you like, but unless they are willing to listen and put it into practice, they're never gonna learn. You? You can handle me and Dazai in the same room, and hold a conversation. There are mafioso who can't do that. Just 'cause a guy wants to make his own life harder by taunting the demon prodigy doesn't mean you're bad at anything.
[Which. is frankly a skill in and of itself. Chuuya knows they freak people out, okay, he's heard enough of that from pretty much everyone in his life. He makes a quiet noise of consideration at her words, hand stroking through her hair again before pulling back, just a little, to look her in the eyes with a smile.] I don't think you're lacking, as a friend and a person.
...But wanting to grow? That's understandable. There's always stuff to learn, I think. What do you think you need? And I'm not talking about helping other people here either. I'm asking what you think you need to be content with yourself.
[Sometimes, you needs a goal, a purpose to keep going steady. It's something he can relate to keenly.]
no subject
But she makes a bit of a face. Of course she can handle Dazai and Chuuya in the same room. They hadn't done anything bad to each other, or to her. It had just been normal bickering for the most part. But it means something when he says it; she doesn't think Chuuya would just give her empty words to feel better.
So when he says that he doesn't think she's lacking, she believes it. Her face screws up a little, like she might cry, but frustratingly, she still can't figure out how to manage it. Maybe she'd feel better if she could.]
That's a hard question. [Her voice is a mumble, and she can't quite meet his eyes as she retreats inward, trying to think about what she wants, outside of anyone else's desires. If she isn't helping people, who is she?] I just... want to be someone people can rely on.
no subject
There are people who could probably better answer Kotone's question, in truth. Chuuya took pride in his own free will, but he's still someone who puts the needs of others before himself almost always, a habit ingrained from childhood to a somewhat unhealthy degree. And Dazai? Dazai was clinging to a promise he made to a dead man as a lifeline, a guidepost in the dark.
Suffice it to say, neither of them were great sources of advice there. He pats her head a little bit more as she mulls his question over, silent but steady support.] And what does that look like to you? What do you think you need to become that person? You're already pretty reliable in my opinion, so you clearly have something specific in mind.
[Truthfully, someone less fucked up would probably tell Kotone there was no need to focus on that at her age. But Chuuya remembers being her age, pushing his limits to rise higher and higher, for his own desires and to protect what mattered to him.] Is it Power? Learning? Connections? There are a lot of things people can rely on a person for. In what way do you want to be reliable, and why?
no subject
No, power isn't quite right. Not connections, either, and not learning. Maybe some part of all of those, but not in its entirety. Or maybe it's that--]
All of those? [she ventures uncertainly, then shakes her head. No, that's not right. What is it that she wants?]
I want to be... whatever anyone needs, I think. I want to protect people and support them, be someone they can talk to and trust. Someone who can help my friends with anything, no matter what.
no subject
But how to explain that? How to even draw lines from that desire, when he's still the kind of person who struggles with it as well? He's not equipped for that.
What he can do for her, though, is--] Alright. That isn't a lot of direction, but I think I can help you learn some things, at least. I remember that naginata you had... you a martial artist?
no subject
She huffs humorlessly through her nose at the question and shakes her head.]
Not really. I mean, I can use it, but I don't have any formal training or anything.