[Understand, not empathize. It's normal human behavior, really. Wanting to protect friends and other people you care about. This is why relationships like that are ultimately nothing but chains holding you back in Akechi's eyes. There's no one he wouldn't shoot without a hesitation if the situation called for it. Not even Akira is safe.
(Although, he knows that's a lie. He wouldn't kill Akira, not when he's already surrendered his own life to his hands before. Even now, he trusts that Akira is there to pull the trigger when the times right.)]
However, there are times when simply talking won't be enough with people like him and me. Even Akira knows this.
[Stating the obvious, maybe, but she thinks it's important to say. She and Akira are very similar in some ways, maybe in important ways, but not in everything. It sounds like certainly not in this.
She draws one knee in toward herself and glances sideways at him, weighing what she wants to say on her tongue. It could make him angry, depending on what Akira's told him. It could send him flying off into another rage like she'd witnessed with Dazai, an image completely juxtaposed from the neat young man she'd thought she'd known. But she has to know.]
Why wouldn't you tell him about Oda-san and Ango? I know you're not part of the Port Mafia or any of those other groups, 'cause you're from where Akira's from, and those groups don't exist where he's from.
No, you're not. But you share the same hero complex as he does.
[She had just stated that she wasn't scared of getting hurt herself as long the other party was safe. He's witnessed the same self-sacrificing behavior in Akira countless of times. And needless to say, he hates it. He wishes that both of them would be more selfish and place their own wellbeing ahead of Akechi's, who himself doesn't hesitate throwing others to the wolves.
It's a behavior that doesn't fit in his world view.]
Ah, that. [he shrugs nonchalantly, looking down at her. Somehow she looks now smaller than before.]
I would have. It just happens that he, too, had information I wanted to know but refused to tell me. So I didn't see any reason for me to share my knowledge with him.
[Her nose wrinkles a bit when he calls it a "hero complex." If that's a hero complex, then every single member of SEES has the same thing. Some are worse than she is about it!
But they're not here to talk about SEES. They're here to talk about Akechi, and her wrinkled nose fades into a frown as she meets his eyes.]
What did you want to know that he wouldn't tell you?
[Like... there's the problem of how Akechi knows Oda's name, and Ango's, but her first assumption would have been mistaken identity, not malevolence.]
[He had been curious about Dazai's ability to cut the connection between him and his personas. What was the origin and true nature of his powers. If he could sever the bond so easily Akechi wondered if he could do the opposite as well. It had been a stretch but still something he needed to confirm.]
I would have been willing to exchange the information but he didn't agree.
[Sorry Akechi, she doesn't buy that. Like, okay, on Dazai's part it's not unbelievable based on his history to think Akechi and his knowledge is a threat, but what could Dazai know that could possibly be so important?]
[A heavy silence falls between them as Akechi keeps her gaze fixated on her, eyes half open and expression pensive. No, it was a fucking stupid reason to fight but Akechi wanted to see how far Dazai would have spiraled, and the anger mixed with desperation when realizing that Akechi didn't have anything useful to tell him. It would have been so fucking ridiculous, almost worth to die for.]
It felt good. [He says with a somber voice. The pain had sucked. But it did feel good to have someone to direct all his aimless rage and frustration at. To be able to let it all out and give in to that darkness in him that just wanted to kill and destroy. Bring forth the chaos.
He's not sure if he ever could make her understand that, no matter how much he tried to explain.]
[Her frown doesn't last long, either, becoming something more pensive to mirror him as she watches him. It's not something she can understand, no matter how hard she tries, but it's not completely foreign, either. Some people thrived on making others feel pain, or wanting to see destruction, or wanting to feel better about themselves. She doesn't know which, if any, of those apply to Akechi, but... it's not unheard of.]
You're the kind of person who likes to fight, aren't you?
[It's a quiet, honest observation that runs contrary to the image he'd projected when they'd been learning to cook, or teaching her to gamble, but it seems to fit him better after that display the other day.
And, well. As long as Akechi isn't stupid enough to attack Dazai on sight, that's good enough for her. She'll leave handling Dazai himself to Chuuya.]
Something like that. [He remembers how Yoshizawa had called him "a ruthless kind of person" when she had seen him fight for the first time. She hadn't been wrong. Nothing soothed him quite like violence, being able to indulge in his most animalistic desires and just tear the world apart. Destroy everything, just like he had been.
There is yet another brief pause between his words as he weights his thoughts in his mind, wondering whether he should disclose the truth to her.
Well.. she had been honest about the subject.]
You're not the only one who is surviving on a borrowed time, Shiomi-san.
[Not Shinji, bless him, but Akihiko. She can't imagine they'd get along, though; they're too alike in some respects, but very different in others. Akechi would probably make Akihiko angry, she thinks.
But she looks up at him, blinking once with some muted surprise, but taking it in stride. Oh. Okay. That's... good, she guesses? Or well, not good. But she understands that a little better.]
[Hm. She's never had to talk about the particulars before. Not even with Shinji. Dazai, and now Akechi, are the only ones who know.
She tilts her head, not refusing to answer, but taking the time to put her thoughts in order. Ah, it's kind of annoying to explain, isn't it...? She makes a bit of a face, scrunching her nose up.]
It's hard to explain. Do you know anything about Nyx, or the Fall...?
[Like, he's a Persona-user too, so maybe she'll be lucky and he'll have heard about all that. Akira hadn't known what the Dark Hour was, though, so... it can't be that easy.]
[He doesn't rush her. Instead he stands there silently, allowing her to take her time. Because god knows, these things if any take time. He's not even sure where he would begin himself. Akira had shared with him that Kotone was 'like them', which could mean only so many things.
If personas were truly involved with her story, he can only imagine it to be complicated and messy one.]
Yeah, pretty much. I figure Akira told you some stuff...?
[Oh, that's a relief, audible in her voice that it's one less thing she has to explain. But her neck kind of hurts from looking up at him, so she pats the ground next to her again.]
[Akechi would rather stay standing up, but he'll comply with her wishes this time. He steps forwards to proceed sit down on the spot she had just just gestured at.]
He only told me the most crucial information, I believe. He said that you're like us.
[She isn't sure if she should feel hurt or not that Akira had told Akechi after she'd expressly asked him not to. It seems so trivial now in the wake of everything else, though, and besides; she'd told Shinji that very same night.
Resting her head against her draw-in knee, she gazes sideways at him, once again wondering just which arcana he is to Akira. She doesn't know enough about him to guess herself yet, and there's no mysterious voice to give her any hints, either.]
Anyway, the short version is that Nyx was coming. My team tried to fight her, but she was impossible to kill. It wasn't that we weren't strong enough, it's just... it was impossible. [Her voice takes on a curious note, like she's telling someone else's story instead of her own.] The best we could do was seal her away. The best I could do was seal her away.
[There's a lot more to it than that, but he'd only asked about the circumstances, not her backstory. She just shrugs one shoulder as if to say there it is.]
[What she gives him isn't much but just enough for him to piece a picture together. An act of self-sacrifice of sorts for the greater good? Well, it does fit in with the idea of what Akechi has of her. And well, it'd be lying to say that they don't have anything in common on that front. After all, hadn't he sacrificed himself to help Akira and his team to escape unscathed, trusting them to respect his wishes and finish what they had started with Shido. It had been over for him anyway, so at least he managed to do something good in is life. ]
[Yeah, there's no humble way to say "I died to save the whole world, including your bitch ass." So she doesn't, and lets him draw his own conclusions from what little information she gave him.
She hums a little, keeping her head against her knee as she watches his face, trying to guess his thoughts or feelings. It's a powerful statement, lacking in context but easy to guess at. Someone who felt like he hadn't had any choice except to die.]
Do you regret it? [she asks simply, not prying for more details because he hadn't tried to pry into hers. There's no judgement in her voice, just an honest, soft curiosity.]
Does he regret dying? No, not really. Does he regret the events that led them there? Some of it yes. He regrets not being able to see through Shido's plans, being so consumed by his revenge that he failed to take into account that he, too, was nothing but disposable pawn to him. And more than that, he loathed how he allowed himself to be so blind and actually feeling good when getting twisted validation from his father.
He takes a deep breath and looks up to the sky where the sun has started to set. It's slowly getting rather chilly for them to be just be out there.]
Some of it. [a pause as he wonders whether he should follow up or not.] I did lot of things. If some of them hadn't happened things could be now different between me and Akira.
[She hums softly, nodding once. Akira hadn't told her their entire backstory, but it sounds complicated.]
What's stopping you from making them different now?
[Again there's no judgement, no lead. She's just asking, because it seems natural to ask based on her own experiences. She'd accepted her death, known that she wouldn't ever see her friends again, had been prepared for that -- but then seeing Shinji here, having the chance to make new friends. She can't say she wouldn't trade it for the world, because she already looked at the world and decided it was worth saving at the cost of her own life. But even if it's difficult sometimes, being able to meet these people means something, she thinks.]
['It's complicated' doesn't even begin to cover it.
His shoulders raise lightly as he inhales deep through his nose, holds the air in for a few seconds before letting it out though his mouth.
This.. is where they differ. Akechi still can't accept this world, to him it feels like an another prison where he's roped into without his consent. Here he has nothing. The only course of action to him is look ways return to back to his real world.]
There's a little point in that. Also, there are some things you can't fix.
[Maybe he's right, and she's wrong. She drops her hands to either side and lets her fingers trace idle patterns in the grass as she gazes up at the colors around the setting sun. It's a little chilly, and since that final battle, it's been a little difficult to stay out in the cold, but -- it's fine.]
Everyone on my team... we all had to come to terms with our own deaths, [she says finally.] We all had different ways of handling it, but we all reached the same conclusion in the end. It's better to fight for the chance to try to fix things and die trying than live in a way that's comfortable.
I'm fighting. It's just a different one than what you'd expect.
[Ultimately, he keeps fighting for his own free will and authority of his own person. To die and go back to being dead were choices that he made, and now it's like he's been robbed again. As far as he's aware Aldrip isn't some kind of afterlife or purgatory so he can't even take his presence here as a natural continuation.]
When Akira said you were like us did he just mean having a persona or is there something else?
[Again, said simply. She won't pry into whatever his battles are; if he wants to tell her, he can. But it isn't surprising at all. Now that they're talking somewhat more honestly, Akechi seems like the kind of person who's had to fight a lot.
Her eyebrow raises at his question, lip quirking up briefly.]
I'm not a Phantom Thief, if that's what you're asking. [There's a note of humor in her voice at the prospect. It just sounds so... dramatic? Showy? Sure, the English name for SEES was equally dramatic, but it's not like they went around announcing themselves as such.] We don't steal hearts or send calling cards or anything like that. We just fight Shadows.
I'm gonna guess you don't know anything about the Dark Hour?
[Said back with equal amount of the amusement.. He knows that Akira might see it differently but Akechi has never counted himself being part of the team. He'd only assist them out of necessity.]
No, I can't say I have. Is it a time when shadows appear? [because it would be logical]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Understand, not empathize. It's normal human behavior, really. Wanting to protect friends and other people you care about. This is why relationships like that are ultimately nothing but chains holding you back in Akechi's eyes. There's no one he wouldn't shoot without a hesitation if the situation called for it. Not even Akira is safe.
(Although, he knows that's a lie. He wouldn't kill Akira, not when he's already surrendered his own life to his hands before. Even now, he trusts that Akira is there to pull the trigger when the times right.)]
However, there are times when simply talking won't be enough with people like him and me. Even Akira knows this.
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[Stating the obvious, maybe, but she thinks it's important to say. She and Akira are very similar in some ways, maybe in important ways, but not in everything. It sounds like certainly not in this.
She draws one knee in toward herself and glances sideways at him, weighing what she wants to say on her tongue. It could make him angry, depending on what Akira's told him. It could send him flying off into another rage like she'd witnessed with Dazai, an image completely juxtaposed from the neat young man she'd thought she'd known. But she has to know.]
Why wouldn't you tell him about Oda-san and Ango? I know you're not part of the Port Mafia or any of those other groups, 'cause you're from where Akira's from, and those groups don't exist where he's from.
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[She had just stated that she wasn't scared of getting hurt herself as long the other party was safe. He's witnessed the same self-sacrificing behavior in Akira countless of times. And needless to say, he hates it. He wishes that both of them would be more selfish and place their own wellbeing ahead of Akechi's, who himself doesn't hesitate throwing others to the wolves.
It's a behavior that doesn't fit in his world view.]
Ah, that. [he shrugs nonchalantly, looking down at her. Somehow she looks now smaller than before.]
I would have. It just happens that he, too, had information I wanted to know but refused to tell me. So I didn't see any reason for me to share my knowledge with him.
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But they're not here to talk about SEES. They're here to talk about Akechi, and her wrinkled nose fades into a frown as she meets his eyes.]
What did you want to know that he wouldn't tell you?
[Like... there's the problem of how Akechi knows Oda's name, and Ango's, but her first assumption would have been mistaken identity, not malevolence.]
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[He had been curious about Dazai's ability to cut the connection between him and his personas. What was the origin and true nature of his powers. If he could sever the bond so easily Akechi wondered if he could do the opposite as well. It had been a stretch but still something he needed to confirm.]
I would have been willing to exchange the information but he didn't agree.
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[Sorry Akechi, she doesn't buy that. Like, okay, on Dazai's part it's not unbelievable based on his history to think Akechi and his knowledge is a threat, but what could Dazai know that could possibly be so important?]
What are you gonna do if you see him again?
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It felt good. [He says with a somber voice. The pain had sucked. But it did feel good to have someone to direct all his aimless rage and frustration at. To be able to let it all out and give in to that darkness in him that just wanted to kill and destroy. Bring forth the chaos.
He's not sure if he ever could make her understand that, no matter how much he tried to explain.]
Depends on him.
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You're the kind of person who likes to fight, aren't you?
[It's a quiet, honest observation that runs contrary to the image he'd projected when they'd been learning to cook, or teaching her to gamble, but it seems to fit him better after that display the other day.
And, well. As long as Akechi isn't stupid enough to attack Dazai on sight, that's good enough for her. She'll leave handling Dazai himself to Chuuya.]
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There is yet another brief pause between his words as he weights his thoughts in his mind, wondering whether he should disclose the truth to her.
Well.. she had been honest about the subject.]
You're not the only one who is surviving on a borrowed time, Shiomi-san.
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[Not Shinji, bless him, but Akihiko. She can't imagine they'd get along, though; they're too alike in some respects, but very different in others. Akechi would probably make Akihiko angry, she thinks.
But she looks up at him, blinking once with some muted surprise, but taking it in stride. Oh. Okay. That's... good, she guesses? Or well, not good. But she understands that a little better.]
What happened...?
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[He shoots back almost immediately. Yeah, there's no way he's going to share the events that took place in the engine room just like that]
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She tilts her head, not refusing to answer, but taking the time to put her thoughts in order. Ah, it's kind of annoying to explain, isn't it...? She makes a bit of a face, scrunching her nose up.]
It's hard to explain. Do you know anything about Nyx, or the Fall...?
[Like, he's a Persona-user too, so maybe she'll be lucky and he'll have heard about all that. Akira hadn't known what the Dark Hour was, though, so... it can't be that easy.]
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If personas were truly involved with her story, he can only imagine it to be complicated and messy one.]
Nyx? As in the Goddess of the night?
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[Oh, that's a relief, audible in her voice that it's one less thing she has to explain. But her neck kind of hurts from looking up at him, so she pats the ground next to her again.]
Sit down, please? It's kind of a long story.
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He only told me the most crucial information, I believe. He said that you're like us.
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[She isn't sure if she should feel hurt or not that Akira had told Akechi after she'd expressly asked him not to. It seems so trivial now in the wake of everything else, though, and besides; she'd told Shinji that very same night.
Resting her head against her draw-in knee, she gazes sideways at him, once again wondering just which arcana he is to Akira. She doesn't know enough about him to guess herself yet, and there's no mysterious voice to give her any hints, either.]
Anyway, the short version is that Nyx was coming. My team tried to fight her, but she was impossible to kill. It wasn't that we weren't strong enough, it's just... it was impossible. [Her voice takes on a curious note, like she's telling someone else's story instead of her own.] The best we could do was seal her away. The best I could do was seal her away.
[There's a lot more to it than that, but he'd only asked about the circumstances, not her backstory. She just shrugs one shoulder as if to say there it is.]
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[What she gives him isn't much but just enough for him to piece a picture together. An act of self-sacrifice of sorts for the greater good? Well, it does fit in with the idea of what Akechi has of her. And well, it'd be lying to say that they don't have anything in common on that front. After all, hadn't he sacrificed himself to help Akira and his team to escape unscathed, trusting them to respect his wishes and finish what they had started with Shido. It had been over for him anyway, so at least he managed to do something good in is life. ]
I decided to exercise my own free will.
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She hums a little, keeping her head against her knee as she watches his face, trying to guess his thoughts or feelings. It's a powerful statement, lacking in context but easy to guess at. Someone who felt like he hadn't had any choice except to die.]
Do you regret it? [she asks simply, not prying for more details because he hadn't tried to pry into hers. There's no judgement in her voice, just an honest, soft curiosity.]
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Does he regret dying? No, not really. Does he regret the events that led them there? Some of it yes. He regrets not being able to see through Shido's plans, being so consumed by his revenge that he failed to take into account that he, too, was nothing but disposable pawn to him. And more than that, he loathed how he allowed himself to be so blind and actually feeling good when getting twisted validation from his father.
He takes a deep breath and looks up to the sky where the sun has started to set. It's slowly getting rather chilly for them to be just be out there.]
Some of it. [a pause as he wonders whether he should follow up or not.] I did lot of things. If some of them hadn't happened things could be now different between me and Akira.
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What's stopping you from making them different now?
[Again there's no judgement, no lead. She's just asking, because it seems natural to ask based on her own experiences. She'd accepted her death, known that she wouldn't ever see her friends again, had been prepared for that -- but then seeing Shinji here, having the chance to make new friends. She can't say she wouldn't trade it for the world, because she already looked at the world and decided it was worth saving at the cost of her own life. But even if it's difficult sometimes, being able to meet these people means something, she thinks.]
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His shoulders raise lightly as he inhales deep through his nose, holds the air in for a few seconds before letting it out though his mouth.
This.. is where they differ. Akechi still can't accept this world, to him it feels like an another prison where he's roped into without his consent. Here he has nothing. The only course of action to him is look ways return to back to his real world.]
There's a little point in that. Also, there are some things you can't fix.
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[Maybe he's right, and she's wrong. She drops her hands to either side and lets her fingers trace idle patterns in the grass as she gazes up at the colors around the setting sun. It's a little chilly, and since that final battle, it's been a little difficult to stay out in the cold, but -- it's fine.]
Everyone on my team... we all had to come to terms with our own deaths, [she says finally.] We all had different ways of handling it, but we all reached the same conclusion in the end. It's better to fight for the chance to try to fix things and die trying than live in a way that's comfortable.
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[Ultimately, he keeps fighting for his own free will and authority of his own person. To die and go back to being dead were choices that he made, and now it's like he's been robbed again. As far as he's aware Aldrip isn't some kind of afterlife or purgatory so he can't even take his presence here as a natural continuation.]
When Akira said you were like us did he just mean having a persona or is there something else?
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[Again, said simply. She won't pry into whatever his battles are; if he wants to tell her, he can. But it isn't surprising at all. Now that they're talking somewhat more honestly, Akechi seems like the kind of person who's had to fight a lot.
Her eyebrow raises at his question, lip quirking up briefly.]
I'm not a Phantom Thief, if that's what you're asking. [There's a note of humor in her voice at the prospect. It just sounds so... dramatic? Showy? Sure, the English name for SEES was equally dramatic, but it's not like they went around announcing themselves as such.] We don't steal hearts or send calling cards or anything like that. We just fight Shadows.
I'm gonna guess you don't know anything about the Dark Hour?
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[Said back with equal amount of the amusement.. He knows that Akira might see it differently but Akechi has never counted himself being part of the team. He'd only assist them out of necessity.]
No, I can't say I have. Is it a time when shadows appear? [because it would be logical]
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