[She exhales another sigh and doesn't say anything for a long time, holding her charm close to her heart. Can she trust him? She wants to. More than anything, she wants to trust him.]
Who's Ango? [she asks finally, a little too quietly, like she's afraid to broach the subject.]
(... he thought he was ready to tell her, but he's not. it takes him a moment, two, and then he sighs audibly. he never talks about ango. it's more like a pit of hatred in his stomach as he spills it.)
When I was your age, Ango started working at the Port Mafia. He kept data and objects about all our missing or deceased ones, and because of a conflict we had just had, it was ludicrous to me that someone would waste their time with something like that. Odasaku and I took him to Lupin with us, because we thought he was interesting. The three of us hanged out there after work to talk, drink, and laugh. We were inseparable, even when we were all at different levels of the hierarchy.
[She only knows a little about Dazai's time in Port Mafia. Only pieces of it, what she can put together from what he's said. It's still confusing for her to think about, to reconcile that what she'd originally dismissed about Dazai's body count as a lie, or hyperbole, is almost certainly true.
But she knows he left Port Mafia, and knows that it was because of Oda. So hearing about a third person...]
(he hates this, hates this, hates this, hates this, but she can no longer hear it. it's neutral, like he's having a casual chat.)
Yes, we actually really were. Because of the conflict, Odasaku had adopted orphans. He was a dad, you know? And then one day, Ango disappeared. Turns out, Koto-chan, he was a triple agent. He was infiltrated in another organization as Port Mafia, but he's a government agent above all. Mori, the one who mentored me? He is the Port Mafia boss. Think of it as the Yakuza, being legitimized is helpful for business, so he made a deal with Ango to get rid of that organization... And he leaked information to get those orphans killed, Kotone-chan, to force Odasaku to do it in his behalf, and to force me out of the mafia, too.
They exploded in front of Odasaku's eyes. He went on a suicide mission for it.
... Ango betrayed us. It's not something I can easily ignore, nor can I easily forget, Koto-chan. I won't apologize for wanting to understand why the brat wouldn't tell me why he knew part of this.
[Maybe this is on her, for forgetting or choosing to ignore all the horrible things that Dazai's experienced in his life. Maybe if she'd been better, paid more attention, she could have seen this coming and stopped it. Or at least been better at stopping it.
He can't see her, but her hand is over her mouth in horror as she lets Dazai talk. It's a little hard to follow, but honestly, she doesn't need the particulars to understand why it had set Dazai off like that.]
...I'm sorry, [is all she says finally, not much above a whisper. It reminds her of the pain Akihiko had gone through with Miki and the orphanage; she can't imagine something like this. It's too horrible.]
... I'm sorry, too. I couldn't stop Odasaku, as-- obvious as it is. I left the Port Mafia right after. Abandoned Chuuya and everything. That's... The story. I won't ever tell it again, so if you have questions, I'd ask them right now. I trust you to keep this to yourself.
[She doesn't tell anybody about what her social links have told her, unless it's really, really important for some reason to do with a mission. This is personal. It's nobody's business but Dazai's.
It feels like prying, to ask for more. It's not really her style. She usually just lets people tell her what they want to tell her, gently guiding a conversation rather than actively digging. But she also recognizes the chance that Dazai's giving her with this, and she doesn't want to waste it.]
Why did you leave Chuuya...? Wouldn't he have gone with you?
I've already robbed him of his family enough times. A third would have been overkill. I don't mind if he tells you how much of a dick I am, if he wants to, but it's not my story to tell you.
(first, he manipulated chuuya's way out of the sheep. then, he gave the whereabouts of chuuya's friends to a maniac. it's enough.)
[Yeah, she won't pry about that. That's Chuuya's story, not Dazai's, even if Dazai has a role to play in it. It's something she can respect, something that she and Dazai have in common, she supposes.
But she hasn't missed that in the intent of not robbing Chuuya of his family, Dazai had robbed him of himself. And that doesn't seem too far away, really.]
I hid for two years, so perhaps? It's all architected in a way that I'm the traitor, after all, my boss seat is still there with my name on it. That said, the Port Mafia is a liiiiiiittle scared of me, so I don't think anyone came very close.
No, from the point of view of the Mafia, I'm the deserter who went to the other side. Ah, no one knows about all this, anyway. Chuuya only found out here. One of his pet names for me for the last 4 years was 'traitor'!
[She opens her mouth to protest about how unfair that is -- but life has never been fair, has it? And then she wants to ask how Dazai deals with all of that -- but she thinks she knows the answer to that already, too. Is that why he drinks so much?]
And you couldn't tell them the truth because you were in hiding, [she guesses instead.]
It'd be a shit show if I did. There's a lot more about my involvement in the Mafia, with Mori, with the way things were, and honestly, with my own existence. It's a lot! You should rest your mind with what you know, hm? I don't think keeping on telling you upsetting things is going to be any help right now. That said, if you feel comfortable, you can sleep in our room with Chuuya. He'd like that, I'm sure. I'll go see my... Person I'm Fucking. You two can have a nice evening and relax, if anything.
(FRIENDS? NOT REALLY. ACQUAINTANCES? NOT REALLY. if she wants honesty from him, that's part of the price to pay, but alas.
chuuya needs her, too, as much as she probably would like the safety of the person she now knows to count on.)
[He'd said this was her one chance to ask, and it sounds like he's ending that interview pretty abruptly. She's never had a policy of forcing anyone to talk if they don't want to, and she isn't about to start now. Just...]
Thank you for telling me. I just... I'm sorry I couldn't do anything for you. Either stopping you or helping you.
... I wanted to go visit that person, but they're far away and I don't have the energy to move!! Would you keep me company talking here for a little while longer?
[She huffs quietly and nods, even though he can't see it.]
I'm just listening to music. Wanna listen?
[Rearranging herself in the windowsill, she slips one of her headphones over her ears again and presses the speaker of the other against the charm, turning her MP3 player back on. It's a slower J-pop song than the one they'd danced to before, but still more upbeat than not.]
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[She's not even afraid for herself, really; she's afraid for Shinjiro.]
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Who's Ango? [she asks finally, a little too quietly, like she's afraid to broach the subject.]
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When I was your age, Ango started working at the Port Mafia. He kept data and objects about all our missing or deceased ones, and because of a conflict we had just had, it was ludicrous to me that someone would waste their time with something like that. Odasaku and I took him to Lupin with us, because we thought he was interesting. The three of us hanged out there after work to talk, drink, and laugh. We were inseparable, even when we were all at different levels of the hierarchy.
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But she knows he left Port Mafia, and knows that it was because of Oda. So hearing about a third person...]
You were friends?
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(he hates this, hates this, hates this, hates this, but she can no longer hear it. it's neutral, like he's having a casual chat.)
Yes, we actually really were. Because of the conflict, Odasaku had adopted orphans. He was a dad, you know? And then one day, Ango disappeared. Turns out, Koto-chan, he was a triple agent. He was infiltrated in another organization as Port Mafia, but he's a government agent above all. Mori, the one who mentored me? He is the Port Mafia boss. Think of it as the Yakuza, being legitimized is helpful for business, so he made a deal with Ango to get rid of that organization... And he leaked information to get those orphans killed, Kotone-chan, to force Odasaku to do it in his behalf, and to force me out of the mafia, too.
They exploded in front of Odasaku's eyes. He went on a suicide mission for it.
... Ango betrayed us. It's not something I can easily ignore, nor can I easily forget, Koto-chan. I won't apologize for wanting to understand why the brat wouldn't tell me why he knew part of this.
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He can't see her, but her hand is over her mouth in horror as she lets Dazai talk. It's a little hard to follow, but honestly, she doesn't need the particulars to understand why it had set Dazai off like that.]
...I'm sorry, [is all she says finally, not much above a whisper. It reminds her of the pain Akihiko had gone through with Miki and the orphanage; she can't imagine something like this. It's too horrible.]
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[She doesn't tell anybody about what her social links have told her, unless it's really, really important for some reason to do with a mission. This is personal. It's nobody's business but Dazai's.
It feels like prying, to ask for more. It's not really her style. She usually just lets people tell her what they want to tell her, gently guiding a conversation rather than actively digging. But she also recognizes the chance that Dazai's giving her with this, and she doesn't want to waste it.]
Why did you leave Chuuya...? Wouldn't he have gone with you?
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(first, he manipulated chuuya's way out of the sheep. then, he gave the whereabouts of chuuya's friends to a maniac. it's enough.)
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[Yeah, she won't pry about that. That's Chuuya's story, not Dazai's, even if Dazai has a role to play in it. It's something she can respect, something that she and Dazai have in common, she supposes.
But she hasn't missed that in the intent of not robbing Chuuya of his family, Dazai had robbed him of himself. And that doesn't seem too far away, really.]
Did they come after you? The Mafia?
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I'm very hated over there, you see.
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[?? She's missing some key details there, bud.]
Hang on, isn't Ango the traitor? Or Mori? They're the ones who caused this.
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And you couldn't tell them the truth because you were in hiding, [she guesses instead.]
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(FRIENDS? NOT REALLY. ACQUAINTANCES? NOT REALLY. if she wants honesty from him, that's part of the price to pay, but alas.
chuuya needs her, too, as much as she probably would like the safety of the person she now knows to count on.)
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[He'd said this was her one chance to ask, and it sounds like he's ending that interview pretty abruptly. She's never had a policy of forcing anyone to talk if they don't want to, and she isn't about to start now. Just...]
Thank you for telling me. I just... I'm sorry I couldn't do anything for you. Either stopping you or helping you.
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I don't know. I want to.
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Please take care of yourself. You're really important to me.
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Take care of yourself too, alright? I'm... Really sorry.
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I will.
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I'm just listening to music. Wanna listen?
[Rearranging herself in the windowsill, she slips one of her headphones over her ears again and presses the speaker of the other against the charm, turning her MP3 player back on. It's a slower J-pop song than the one they'd danced to before, but still more upbeat than not.]
How... are you feeling?
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